With A Lime

Our Highest Aspirations

2012-01-03T12:40:00.000-08:00

From my "Pastor's Desk" Column on the Parish Website.

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Today in Holyoke, Massachusetts history was made as Alex Morse was sworn in as the youngest mayor the city has ever elected. I haven’t followed his campaign very closely, since its outcome doesn’t really affect me in any way, but I, like many, was fascinated by the idea of a 22 year old man running for such a position.

In his remarks at the Inauguration today he said, “We have all heard those who say that Holyoke’s best days are long past. We have heard that Holyoke’s best bet is for us to just settle, and to resign ourselves to a future that is beneath our highest aspirations.” He goes on to talk about how for the citizens of Holyoke, today is a new day. His youth filled zeal is inspiring as he speaks of his hope for so many brighter tomorrows for his fellow citizens.

What a wonderful thought as we move into this New Year. I think that many of us have at times in our lives found ourselves of the same mindset that Mayor Morse describes in his word above. We have all reached points along the way where we may feel that our best days have passed, or that it is now time to settle for where we are, and that our dreams are a bit too farfetched. What a travesty! Such a thought could not be further from the truth!

In the last week the New Years Spirit has been strong. Thanks to Social Media like Facebook and Twitter, it seems stronger than ever. We can click online at anytime and see the posts about diets, quitting smoking, and drinking less. At the gym there is a noticeable increase in activity, at AA there has been an influx of people…it would seem that everywhere we look people are working on bettering themselves, everyone is working on reaching goals, on finding that future of our highest aspirations.

You see my friends in all of this self improvement that we find ourselves doing; at the end of the day we are working on the same goal – to improve the self. For all of us, the “self” is different. We all have different vices, we all have different ways that we want to improve, and we all have different pictures of what that “highest aspiration” looks like.

At Christmas we celebrated the birth of Our Lord, who came to us; as we are, who we are, and where we are. I spoke at the Christmas Masses about who we are is something sacred, because God Himself has been made one of us. All of those things are very true, but it would be a shame for us to think that we cannot grow. These events all took place in the humility of the Stable, among a diverse cast of characters. However, the encounter with Jesus in the Stable affected everyone present;

The Shepherds return to their homeland glorifying God, and telling everyone they meet of this wondrous news that has forever changed the world. The Kings make their way to Bethlehem asking questions, following a Star and their faith. They leave Bethlehem with solid answers, and even return home via a different route to avoid Herod, and not fall into his ploy. Joseph is strengthened in his faith, and through it all Mary “keeps all these things, and reflects on them in her heart.”(LK 2:19)

Jesus comes to each of them “as they are”…and that encounter inspires them to do even better. It inspires them to do things like ponder the Lord, trust in Him, tell others about Him, and protect Him from those who would otherwise seek to harm Him. The Shepherds are still Shepherds, and the Magi are still Magi, but they leave Bethlehem looking at life, and living life, through a new lens. They realize that the best days are not those that have passed, and that to “just settle” simply will not work. They have experienced Emmanuel, God with us, and as a result their highest aspirations are actually attainable.

May all of our New Year’s Resolutions be directed ultimately towards reaching our highest aspirations. May God in His goodness continue to bless us, encourage us, and strengthen us as we continue in our own journeys to be the best we can be; because God has given us everything we need to each our highest aspirations.

God Bless You!

See you at Church!

Fr. Dave

Seabiscuit

2011-11-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

~ My "From The Pastor's Desk" Column on the Parish Website~

On this day in 1938 a historic race was won by a horse named Seabiscuit. Seabiscuit did not start out with a very promising future as a racing horse. He was undersized, “knobby-kneed” and lazy. Even when it was discovered that this poor creature had a hopeful future as a racing horse, he still wasn’t given much of a chance, and couldn’t be sold for a respectable amount of money. In 1938, on November 1 Seabiscuit earned the title and acclaim he had acquired in his defeat of “War Admiral” who was at the top of the “Horse Racing World”, till that point.

How appropriate that this all unfold on the Solemnity of All Saints. Today’s feast is a beacon of hope for all us underdogs out there. The Saints are made up of men and women who history never expected much from at the beginning, and history would end up gravely mistaken. The Apostles are a prime example. They were 12 uneducated, simple fishermen; who all but one gave their lives for the Church in martyrdom. Therese, our patroness, who died at 23 years old of Tuberculosis in her small convent of Carmel; no one knew, when they went to read her diaries that they would one day be published, and earn her the title of ‘Doctor of the Church”. There were Saints like Francis of Assisi and Augustine, who for the early part of their lives never thought twice about God, His Church, or even living good and respectable lives. Both men went on to found Religious Orders, and now are two of the most renowned names in Church History.

Look at the Saints we all know in our lives. The grandparents, parents, aunt, uncles, friends and neighbors who have gone home to the Lord and their eternal reward; how many of them were such underdogs as well? Perhaps immigrants from other countries who were forced to assimilate into a culture they knew nothing about in order to get work, and provide for their family. Perhaps they were single parents, who due to any number of reasons were left raising a child alone in an economy where even a 2 parent household is struggling. Perhaps they passed seemingly to the rest of the world without making a single wave…but we know that to be different, because they affected US.

What about the walking Saints among us? The underdogs who day in and day out go to work, try to pay their bills, and try to make it home to bed at the end of the day with as little incident as possible.

At AA they tell us that we are miracles. They say that every day that we look back on our past 24 hours of sobriety, it’s a miracle. Then when we look at how many of those 24 hour periods back to back we have collected for ourselves; we are a miracle. Miracles that are only possible through the grace of a loving God, to whom we have given over our will. It certainly is a miracle, but one that I certainly have had nothing to do with. Maybe the AA principle needs to apply to every aspect of our lives.

Give it all to God. Give God all the heartaches, headaches, bills, stress, arguments, successes and failures, and let Him work miracles. He seems to be in that line of work! Let God make something amazing out of the simplicity that is us. Like Seabiscuit conquering all the odds, like the Saints who went from paupers to heroes faith, like our Grandparents who made it in a new world, and like the drunk who everyday finds the willpower to not pick up a drink – God Works Miracles! We are still underdogs, because if we try to win these races alone, we surely will lose.
If we let God take over – the underdog becomes a formidable opponent.

Love Your Neighbor

2011-10-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

This weekend on Sunday afternoon I went back to the old apartment to claim the last of my things. I brought Deacon Chris with me with hopes that he would help me in the discernment process of what can stay and what can go. Despite his insistence that if I “haven’t used it in the last month at the new house, you don’t need to keep it”, I still managed to haul two car loads of things back to Pawtucket. In the midst of all the sifting through stuff I found myself walking down memory lane, and when the room was cleared out, I stood for a moment and sort of looked around.

I couldn’t help but be filled with mixed emotions while taking it all in. I thought about when I first moved into the place. I was so excited to be starting in “my first apartment”. It was the first time I was living in my own place, and not renting a room in someone else’s home. I thought about all the ups and downs through the years. I came across old letters from ex’s that made their way into the “memory box”. I found tickets from movies, concerts, and plays that I went to with special people. I found an empty wine bottle that has traveled with me for about 5 or 6 years. I found a pumpkin carving kit, old engraved dog tags, a Transformer, and many other miscellaneous trinkets and tokens that I held onto as special memories from special events along life’s journey. Why do we keep this stuff???

We keep this stuff because it’s significant to us in some way. They certainly are not reminders of days I wish I could return to. Some of them are reminders of lessons I had to learn in life the hard way. Some of them are reminders of lessons that I continue to learn to this day. Some of them are reminders of people, who for better or worse; make me the person I am today.

In the Gospel on Sunday Jesus is asked a very pointed question “which one of the commandments is the greatest?” Jesus’ answer is one that has certainly gone down in history;

"You shall love the Lord, your God,with all your heart,with all your soul,and with all your mind.This is the greatest and the first commandment.The second is like it:You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments."

In this very clear statement, Jesus makes it very clear that our relationship with one another is intrinsically linked with our relationship with God. The statement presupposes that we already love ourselves, and that we must love our neighbor in like manner. This love is just as significant – and in fact linked to – our love for God.

That’s how we end up with all this “stuff” over the years, because the people in our lives, and the memories that come with them are linked to the Divine. These people that God puts in our path along the way who leave an impression on our hearts are there for a reason. That’s why we hold onto all that stuff…that’s why we have memory boxes. That’s why even after sifting through all the leftover stuff in my apartment, and throwing away countless bags of trash, I still managed to fill two cars with what remained! Those items are things that are point towards something much deeper, something much more significant. The love that has been shown to me along the way from the people and memories attached to those items, were reminders of the love of God Himself.

From the outsider’s perspective, I think many would ask “why would you save that”, or “why would you want to remember them?” I mentioned that Jesus’ words presupposed that we love ourselves. There were definitely periods of life where I did not love myself, and hence the love I had for others was equally as flawed. The relationships I tried to maintain while I was under the influence of alcohol were all people who will no doubt be counted one day among the Saints. The love they showed for me despite my inability to rightly love in return is undoubtedly a testimony to the divine nature of love.

So now it is a new day, and as some of these trinkets and memories find their new home on a shelf at the new house I look upon them with a smile. That’s because I do love myself now. I love my flawed, broken, simple self. I can say that because I know that my God loves me, and He knows that each and every day I give it my all…because that’s all we can do. I know for a fact that He loves me, because attached to each and every one of those trinkets and nick-knacks is one of my “neighbors” who lived that message of Jesus in their heart, and loved me…for the mess I was.

From the outsider’s perspective I’m a pack-rat. From my perspective, I’m a lucky guy, who’s been blessed throughout my life with people who have contributed to who I am today – weather they intended to or not. I think the important lesson to be learned is that’s why it’s so important to love our neighbor – because maybe they don’t love themselves, maybe they feel alone, maybe no one understands them. So love your neighbor…they may be depending on it.

The First Day of School

2011-09-06T07:44:00.000-07:00

“When day came, he called his disciples to himself, and from them he chose Twelve, whom he also named Apostles: Simon, whom he named Peter, and his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James the son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called a Zealot, and Judas the son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.” Luke 6:13-16

Today is the first day of school. This is a day that brings with it different feelings for different students. Those feelings vary with age, maturity, grade level, and academic situation. I remember the thrill of my first day of High School, looking forward to meeting new friends- and after a summer of updating my wardrobe, upgrading my hair style to something I considered more fashionable, and putting aside my glasses in favor of blindness – I was ready. I don’t think I cared very much about the classroom lessons that would come my way. I certainly had hopes each year of doing well in school, but I will freely admit that finding myself ranked among “the cool” was always a goal with each September.

As I got older this experience would change, but in many ways stayed the same. In Seminary with each new assignment came an opportunity to meet new people, and build a support system that was stronger than the year before. I remember the first night of my last assignment in Omaha, Nebraska. The Director of the Program had scheduled a welcome reception for all the seminarians a local bar/grill. The evening was open bar, courtesy of the program’s budget, and around 10:30 the Rector walked by the bar to inform the group of us who were sitting there that he was about to close the tab. We were welcome to stay, but we were on our own. When last call rolled around, the four of us were still sitting there, now facing a tab of our own, two very full ashtrays, and thanks to the haze the alcohol had provided over our judgment we had no doubt shared about ourselves far more then we needed to. I remember clearly one of the Seminarians turning and saying; “Well I know who I’m gonna hang out with this Semester – we are clearly the only ones who can hang.”

Even as adults our social circles are a key part of our daily life experience. We try to socialize with people who we can relate to, who understand us, and who are in some way in the same boat. The old saying “misery loves company” often comes into play.

Jesus knew the importance of friendship, as so early on in His ministry, He selected from among the many who were following Him with curiosity, 12 men who would be by His side over the next 3 years. Instead of building bonds over drinks and cigarettes, He would build bonds with these men by sharing with them the gift of Salvation. They would travel together, lodge together, eat together, cry and laugh together. Although Jesus is God, He was fully human in His earthly existence and knew the ups and downs that come along with friendship. No doubt His awareness of these feelings is why the Evangelist chose to set Judas aside in the description of the band of 12 men as being the one “who became a traitor”.

As I look back over the history of my own life I certainly see many friends who lasted for various lengths of time. We all can do that. We all have the friends like Judas, who would turn out to not be the most faithful…however also like Judas, their betrayal would turn out to be the catalyst for something greater. We have those few friends that have stayed by our side through thick and thin, like John, who found himself to be the only friend still standing at the foot of the Cross. Of course in our human experience we have those friends like Peter and the other Apostles, who despite claiming all the faith and fidelity in the world fail so often, yet after every fall brush themselves off, and continue to walk down the road of life’s journey right by our side.

In the last year or two I have come to learn a lot about friendship. Priorities in life change along the way, and sometimes friends can’t understand that. Like my experience in Omaha, I think we all find ourselves waiting to see who is going to be “able to hang”, who’s still going to be there at the many “last calls” that life brings our way. As we get older we change our definition of the word friend. We come to realize that what defines someone as a friend isn’t the one who pays the tab at the end of the night. It’s not a relationship that is defined by something like Facebook, which can be terminated with something as simple as the click of a mouse.

The Apostles didn’t always understand Jesus, they didn’t always agree with Him, and they certainly had their share of quarrels among them; but in the end they provided a definition of friendship that would stand the test of time. On Good Friday as Jesus was arrested and crucified, all but one ran and turned their back on Jesus when He needed them most. As Jesus hung on the cross and looked down so that He could commend the mother He was leaving behind to the care of one of His friends, all he found was John.

The happy life they had shared traveling, and talking about God and His love for them had come to an end. In what seemed like a moment, things changed, and all of a sudden it wasn't easy being friends with Jesus. The rubber had hit the road, and for this band of friends turning and running was the chosen course of action in response to all the false testimony, drama, and possible pain. The real betrayal of Judas is that when he realized the results of his betrayal, he took his own life, in an act of selfishness that was based on the thought that Jesus would never forgive him for what he’d done. The others realized they demonstrated a lack of faith in their friend, and so they would go on to give their lives for Him, and His Gospel.

The story of Jesus and his Apostles shows us that love and friendship is about giving, not taking. It proves that we all drop the ball as friends, but if it’s real it’s never to late to fix it. That’s how real friendship is defined and demonstrated; with generosity- generosity in love, giving, and forgiving. The depth of these things can never be expressed gathered at a bar, or on a Facebook wall, and history may not always record them rightly, but an accurate testimony is kept forever engraved on our hearts.

Unless You Become Like Children...

2011-08-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

“Amen, I say to you; unless you turn and become like children,
you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven”
- Matthew 18:3

I went to bed with a lot on my mind last night.

There was all the usual stuff like the Parish, and my work as a priest; How am I doing? Am I missing anything? Are we welcoming enough? Are the bills paid?

There was the usual stuff like work; Did I turn everything off when I left? Did I remember to save that slideshow I was working on? Was the advice I gave that youth helpful?

There was the stuff particular to that day; When will he ever learn to forgive, and stop carrying such anger in his heart? Will she ever be relieved of the ongoing addition of burden in this life, or will she have to wait until paradise to enjoy the freedom of peace?

We all go to bed with a whole world that continues to turn in the universe of our minds. That world contains worries about life, love, pain, bills, stress, relief, and the list goes on. It’s a miracle we get any rest at all during the five – eight hours we lay in rest at night. Then this morning I read today’s Gospel, with the above words from Jesus, “unless you become like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven.”

A child has a certain innocence that we lose as we get older. The first time our heart gets broken, we become more guarded with our feelings, and the more it happens, the stronger that guard becomes. We get our first financial responsibility; maybe a cell phone, or a car payment, and it serves as the first of many bills to juggle in our heads. We learn how to worry about other people, people who invite us into their lives; friends, lovers, family, and co workers. We learn about gossip and the harm it can cause in our lives and the damage it can bring to a community. The lessons life teaches are often hard, and can only be learned through the shedding of more than one tear. If we were to stop for a moment and think back, especially on a sunny day like today, to life as a child playing in a yard on a summer’s day – we remember a life that was very different.

As a child when we got up in the morning, we were eager. Eager to enjoy the weather, eager to see our friends from the neighborhood, eager to see what discoveries of the world were in store for us today. Somewhere along the line we lose all that.

Children have such open hearts that are free from the damage of such pain and suffering. A child has never endured heartbreak, received a letter from a collections agent, dealt with car problems, or lost sleep due to worry and concern. That’s why Jesus advises us to become like little children; it’s for our own sanity!

A child forgives before receiving an apology, and loves without prejudice. A child plays a game of basketball alone, but in the amazing world of their imagination, they may be a member of a full team of players, competing against another team. They may fill the role of a point guard, a forward, or a center. As this NBA Championship game plays out in their imagination and they run around the court full of such energy they don’t even for a moment consider that an onlooker may think them crazy, because they only see a child, playing basketball all alone.

As adults we can’t even begin to imagine participating in such silliness. We would worry about others seeing us and think we had gone mad. We don’t have time with the responsibilities of life that occupy us. Perhaps even if we had the time, and the care-free attitude to do so, we are so affected by our life experience that the concept of a team that works together without malice, or the drive of an individual ego is so absurd- the only place it can exist is in the imagination of a child.

That’s the challenge of life. How do we reclaim that childlike passion that we can do anything we set our mind to? How do we see past the stress, and see all the blessings? How do we free our hearts of the pain and anger we carry so that we can live the lives of good and upright people that we are called to? How do we find the courage to let our hearts be open to someone else, risking the pain and suffering we have learned from in the past?

It’s a risk. It’s a risk to become like little children, but the reward is worth it. The reward of Paradise to be certain, but the reward we receive right here in the world we live in. The reward of love, happiness, freedom from grudges, or maybe, just maybe – even a good night’s sleep.

Sometimes We All Need A Good Cry

2011-07-22T05:44:00.000-07:00

When’s the last time you had a good cry? There is something healthy about crying I have decided. It’s a cleansing experience. What makes us cry? We cry when we are in pain, physical or emotional. We cry when we are overwhelmed with happiness, and we cry when we are overwhelmed with sorrow.

Some contemporary empirical research would argue that sometimes we cry simply because we need hug. This modern research explains how a part of our humanity is our connection with others, our natural drive for community. Crying is a part of an expression of desire to connect to that community, a need to recharge, which is perhaps why so often our tears tend to slow, if not completely stop, when they are met with an embrace from someone we love.

Today is the Feast of Mary Magdalene. Mary was one of Christ’s followers while He was on this earth. Everyone seems to have their own take on this woman. Some tradition simply speaks of her colorful past from before meeting Jesus, some say she was a prostitute, and a movie produced in the late 90’s claimed she was a source of sexual temptation for Christ even as He hung on the Cross. Whatever her history was, the morning of the Resurrection, we know that she arrived at the tomb with two of the Apostles, and upon discovering that the tomb was empty, the apostles ran to tell the others, while Mary stood and cried. She cried because in that moment all she needed was Jesus. It was bad enough He was dead, so He wouldn’t be able to hear her, comfort her, or advise her as He previously had, but now even His body is gone. All she wanted and needed was a few moments with the only person who ever REALLY knew her. The result; she sees the Risen Jesus, who stands before her and asks why she is “seeking the living among the dead”.

I think we are in many ways a lot like Mary Magdalene. We go through our daily lives doing the best that we can, we are good people who pay our bills, go to work to make an honest days pay, we seek companionship in friends and lovers, we try to save for the future, and strive to reach our goals. In the meanwhile everyone else seems to have their own take on us. People construct their own opinions, and like the historians who wrote extensive pieces justifying their opinions on Mary Magdalene, when our name comes up in others’ conversation people promulgate the opinion they have constructed. History records its own many variations of our story; none of which ever seem to capture the real story of us.

I had the honor of presiding over a funeral yesterday for a man who was with his partner for 33 years. As the new widower stood at the casket of his beloved, he put his hand on the hand of the deceased and as a tear rolled down his cheek he offered a silent goodbye to the person with whom so much had been shared over the course of three decades. I was reminded in that moment of the scene a few days earlier in his Hospice Care Facility, as he who is now deceased lay on his bed, with tubes connected to his nose, breathing his final days breath. His partner held his hand that day too, as he said to me, “Father we had our ups and downs, but we always worked through it. I am just so grateful.”

I know I have those moments, we all have them. We all face those moments where for whatever reason, and in response to sometimes unknown stimulus, we get that feeling inside of us that says, “no one understands me.” We have moments where we feel so upset, and if only someone could live inside of our heads for just a minute, and feel what we feel, and look at life through our eyes they would completely understand our pain – but when asked to put it into words we can’t, or when we try, it doesn’t communicate to the person who is listening. That’s because often life’s burden is so personal, that if given the opportunity to allow someone else to help us carry it, we wouldn’t even know how to distribute the weight to those who were willing to help. There is no sense in trying, because each of our individual crosses is fashioned for no other shoulder but our own.

The lesson of Mary Magdalene is that there are going to be times that we run to the tomb and find it empty. There are going to be those moments when we are going to turn to that which strengthens us and be unable to find it, for the Christian that strength is Jesus Christ, and there will be times where even He will be seemingly absent. In Mary’s case the Risen Christ was hidden in the form of who she thought was the groundskeeper. Where is Christ hidden waiting for us? I can’t answer that question, for each of us it is different. What I do know is that for Mary step one was a good cry, then she was able to recognize the Risen Lord. So when we feel the tears coming, we need to let them flow. Allow yourself a good cry. Then after it’s over, embrace that feeling of release, that consolation that we find somewhere deep inside of us when its over, that sense of relief as though those tears were each weights that were adding to life’s burden.

Enjoy your next good cry, it’s God’s way of cleansing the heart and soul, so that like Mary, we can see the Risen Christ among us, and hear Him when inquires; “Why do you seek the living among the dead?”

Oh Say Does That Star Spangled Banner Yet Wave

2011-07-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

The Fourth of July is my favorite holiday – bar none. When I was growing up, we didn’t really do a WHOLE lot for the big day. My dad’s birthday is the day after, and my best friend’s birthday is the day before. We usually had a family cookout somewhere near the day, and did the whole fireworks thing. My best friend would have his Birthday Party every year, and the Fourth of July burned itself into my memory as a time of celebration.

When I was in the summer after my first year of Seminary, Father Bert Richman, my Pastor, inspiration, and very dear friend was called home to the God who made him. He closed his eyes to this world, on July 3, the same day as that friend’s birthday (who was also good friends with Fr. Bert). For me, in that moment, the Fourth of July stopped being a cause to celebrate.

The next year, as I grew further and further away from those things of my youth I made friends with someone new, who introduced me to the world of the Fourth of July Bristol style. He allowed me a glimpse each year on July 3rd and 4th into a world of nonstop cookouts, the Parade, Fireworks, and the town of Bristol in a whole new light. Who knew that the laws of the State that applied everywhere else stopped applying on those days.

After leaving Seminary I found myself again growing further and further away from the world I knew, as my priorities changed yet again, but with it came a certain emptiness on the Fourth of July. A day that had formerly been about friends and family had become a day that only reminded me of the reality that my life was a mess, and if I was going to make something of it, I had to do something soon.

This year the Fourth of July really touched me. I had the pleasure of officiating at the Marriage of two Military personnel, who due to their service to this Nation had been forced to reschedule the event multiple times. At the Parish Mass on Sunday we celebrated the great gift of Freedom. The true freedom that is only found in Christ – and the debt of gratitude we owe to our military for establishing, and defending our freedom to worship and grow with Christ however we find most suitable. I thought to myself tonight, while watching the fireworks that I had the joy and honor of being engaged in ministry all weekend long – and the freedom to do so is only possible because of the service and sacrifice of so many in our Armed Forces, and indeed even the hard work of our fore fathers who set that wheel in motion.

I thought about my own life. I thought about how all the things about the Fourth of July that I have loved through the years as they have come and gone have been a testimony to who I am, and key in making me the person I am today. Maybe that’s why we as Americans relate so well to the Fourth of July. It’s the epitome of American optimism.

The Star Spangled Banner tells the story of the American Flag flying proud the day after a long battle. We go through life fighting to stay a step ahead. We try to stay a step ahead of the bills, our boss, our family, our friends. We try to keep our head above water, and when Summer comes we grasp at the opportunity to embrace a well deserved rest. The Fourth of July comes, and we gather with friends and family and watch fireworks, and hear the Star Spangled Banner in the background and we cant help but feel proud, and grateful. We are proud of ourselves for being survivors, and proud that we live in a Nation of such opportunity. We are grateful for the successes we have seen in our own lives, and grateful for the success of those before us that provided the possibilities that are available to us. Despite everything, after the long night’s battle…the flag was still there. We too will make it through the long dark nights filled with “rockets red glare”, and “bombs bursting in air”. We too will “give proof through the night”.

So my friends as this Fourth of July comes to its close all I can really say, is “God Bless America”.

True Freedom

2011-07-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

Homily from Sunday, July 3,2011
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The story is told of an elderly priest who had taken up his residence at a local Parish upon his retirement. Adjacent to the Parish was the Parish school, where he would frequently go and visit the classes. On one occasion he wandered into a History class, and asked the kids if they were able to name the 50 states. The class struggled to come up with about 35 or 40 of them, and the old priest shook his head and said, “when I was your age, we would have had no problem naming every state.”

To which one young man replied, without missing a beat, “Father that’s not fair, when you were our age, there were a lot less of them.”

I think that many of us here present are from a generation that placed a heavy value on things like history and social studies. We learned the States and Capitols. We learned things like the text of the Gettysburg Address, the Preamble of the Constitution, and the opening lines of the Declaration of Independence, and in fact with the help of Schoolhouse Rock, we even learned the process of signing a Bill into a Law.

The sad reality is, that in 2009 when surveyed less than 50 percent of students could identify the origin of the sentence, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal” as being from the Declaration of Independence. In fact, when asked to match it with the appropriate historical document, many even claimed that it was taken from the Communist Manifesto. That’s why days like the Fourth of July are so important. Young people will sit and watch the events from Bristol broadcast on television tomorrow, and see the bands, floats, and the many participants dressed as Uncle Sam, George Washington, and so many others, and they will receive a visual, albeit not terribly accurate, lesson in American History. Celebrations of the Fourth of July ensure that the words of people like Ronald Regan don’t come to pass when he said, “I'm warning of an eradication of the American memory that could result, ultimately, in an erosion of the American spirit”.

The core of our American values is freedom, and this idea that all men and women are created equal. The freedom to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is the American dream that we hear quoted so often by so many people. In the political arena we hear about so many people who are fighting for these rights. Immigration, same sex marriage, abortion, and so many other political entanglements are fought over with each side arguing their interpretation of the words “freedom” and “equality”.

Jesus gives us in this weekend’s Gospel the true definition of freedom, which may come as a bit of a surprise when we first read it. He says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves; for my yoke is easy, and my burden light."

A yoke is a symbol of submission. A yoke with a plow was attached to oxen. Farmers used the oxen to plow their fields. So Jesus is telling us that in finding rest, in finding freedom, we do not cast away everything, he is saying that taking on HIS yoke is an easy burden. He is saying that in being submissive to HIM instead of the world, we will find rest, we will find true freedom.

It’s freedom because submission to unjust authority is oppression. Living a Christian life entails taking on burdens and responsibilities, but the yoke of Jesus is far easier to bear than the yoke of sin and guilt. The yoke of Jesus is far easier to bear then the yoke of the world, of work, of earthly respect and rank. Christ promises that true happiness will be ours in heaven, where the yoke of this world will matter no more, and where the only thing that will matter is him, where HIS yoke, will be the only one to bear. This must be, then true freedom, submission to Christ.

America cast off the yoke of England, an unjust authority. Those early free states then came together, and formed a union. A union that was dedicated to this idea that all were created equal, and that all deserved the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This freedom they found was not free, rather it came at a great price. It came at the price of many lives, and since 1776 there have been the loss of so many more lives, given to defend that freedom, given so that we could have the freedom to gather here this morning and celebrate these Sacred Mysteries, given so that we could gather in the same building as men and women of a different faith as they worship the same God differently two flights of stairs away, given so that no matter what the law says about things like civil rights, immigration, taxes, government spending, or any other thing - we can come here, and take comfort in the only freedom that matters, the only true freedom, the only yoke we have any interest in bearing.

The freedom promised in bearing the Yoke of Jesus also comes at its own price. It comes with its own responsibilities, sacrifices, losses and gains. So now its our turn. Countless lives have been given in the name of this ‘Great American Experiment’. Countless lives have been given so that you and I can have the freedom to enter into our experience of God however we want, so that we can experience the freedom Jesus has to offer in the way that suits us best, in short; men and women have died so that we can have the freedom to pick up that yoke. Don’t we owe it then, to do our part, and pick it up? The greatest gratitude we can show, is to lay down our lives to Jesus Christ, and bring to fulfillment the freedom whose foundation was laid centuries ago with the proud declaration, “We the people of the United States..”

God Bless You
And May God Bless America

Simplistic Ignorance

2011-06-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

It must be a Thursday; it’s usually on Thursday that I peruse the local Catholic Press, the Rhode Island Catholic. This week’s issue had a story that managed to make my blood completely boil, and now that I’ve hit the ripe age of 30, that can’t be good for my health.

I understand that the topic of Same Sex Marriage has been covered from every possible angle, but I only really get heated when someone in a public forum claims to be talking about same sex marriage, but in actuality is only promoting their own ignorance. This week's RI Catholic Article features Chris Plante, Executive Director of the National Organization for Marriage in RI (NOM). The Diocese of Providence has collaborated with NOM in their "ministry to defend Marriage" during this battle in Rhode Island for Marriage Equality. If you want to argue about same sex marriage, then argue about same sex marriage - don't simply spout your simplistic ignorance.

“If marriage is redefined to include two persons of the same gender, there is no way to stop further redefinitions as different individuals see fit, such as marriage to several people in polygamy, to siblings or cousins, or even to animals,” Plante said. “A lawyer will be right beside them to justify their idea based on the legalization of gay marriage. Marriage is between a man and a woman, or it is nothing.”

Well Mr. Plante, let's not get ridiculous. Frankly I find your ridiculous comparison insulting. The irony is; in actuality the LGBTQ Community simply wants the same right that is already afforded to two Cousins in the State of Rhode Island.

I respect the Diocese for standing up for a Theology that they believe in. Weather I agree with it or not is a non issue. However, when the discussion goes from talking about Theological points to outright bigotry and ignorance, and the Diocese in sponsoring those talks, is sponsoring bigotry and ignorance.

In another interview on March 3, 2011 Plante is venting about how same sex marriage will destroy families. How it will force good and upright people like him to teach their children that same sex marriage is ok. He goes on to say that; “What homosexual marriage boils down to is an effort by two adults to have their relationships justified by the government. It turns children into accessories.” He goes on, “children become accessories to fulfill the whims and desires of two adults”. What the hell does that mean Mr. Plante? There is no mistaken context here either. I invite you to watch his testimony to ignorance for yourself. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8-QsWQCGiM&feature=player_embedded#at=15) .

Is the marriage between a man and a woman supposed to be the universal and objective testimony to quality child rearing? So the 26 percent of young people who are thrown out of their homes when they “come out” to their parents in the State of RI are being treated with great dignity? It sounds to me like children are already being treated like they are something that can just be tossed aside, or disregarded when no longer convenient, and ironically, it’s happening around this very issue.

Don’t try to use this issue to talk about protecting children and families, because justified ignorance and bigotry (just like this) is exactly what is currently affecting children and destroying families.

In his interview that the link above will take you to, Plante is sharing his disgust at a children’s book, which depicts a Prince choosing his life partner. All the princesses are brought in, and the prince is not interested in any of them. It’s not until the other prince comes to the room, when he finds love. The book ends with the two kissing. As you can imagine Plante is horrified at the idea of a second grader reading this book.

What about the second grader who identifies with the story in that book? We don’t think about him do we? What about the young person who sits in desks in classrooms everyday and listens to stories, TV shows, movies, and stories about boys falling in love with girls, and at every moment of life in the society that he lives in he is reminded that he is different. What about the young person who is so scared of becoming a part of the 26 percent, they take their own life before they run the risk? What about the young person who is so tired of feeling so different from the prince in most books that he/she takes their own life. What about them Mr. Plante? What about the LGBT youth, who face bigotry and ignorance everyday because of who they are, because of an attraction that they feel, and they turn to substance abuse, they become depressed, they skip school to avoid being bullied

“In 1996 the homosexual agenda really came onto the scene in Rhode Island, and a lot of our non discrimination, accommodation, homosexual adoption laws came onto the books.” Plante sites this as the beginning of the story. He points this out as the first visible movement of the LGBTQ community that would eventually lead to the push for marriage equality. The homosexual “agenda”. Imagine the audacity of the gays to not want to be discriminated against. Imagine the horror that a woman doesn’t want to be refused employment because of who she is sexually attracted to. Imagine!

The article from the RI Catholic goes on to quote Plante further; “We often hear that ‘all gays want is to be left to live their own lives’. But that is not true. They want homosexual marriage legalized, and that would affect our freedom of religion and of conscience.” No Mr. Plante, it really wouldn’t. It would affect your “freedom to hate” which is what you are doing. That article and that interview do not talk about the pros and cons of passing piece of legislature. They are an expression of your own hatred and ignorance, which you are carrying in the public view on the back of a piece of legislature, and which is funded by the Diocese of Providence, and frankly: It Makes Me Sick.

Where Is Your Joy?

2011-05-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

Philip Neri was a priest who died at the end of May in 1595, and today, May 26th, is the day the Church Universal celebrates his memorial. Philip was a classic Saint of that Century, exposed to great riches, and instead walked away, founded a Religious community, and chose a life of Saintly poverty.

Augustine, the great Saint of the Church who lives so many centuries earlier is quoted in today’s reading from the Office of Readings on the occasion of Philip’s feast. He says;

“Let joy in the Lord prevail, then, until joy in the world is no more. Let joy in the Lord go on increasing; let joy in the world go on decreasing until it is no more. That is said, not because we are not to rejoice while we are in this world, but in order that, even while we are still in this world, we may already rejoice in the Lord.

You may object; I am in the world; if I rejoice I certainly rejoice where I am. What is this? Do you mean that because you are in the world you are not in the Lord? Listen again to the Apostle speaking now to the Athenians; in the Acts of the Apostles he says this of God and the Lord our creator: In Him we live and move and have our being. If he is everywhere, where is he not?”

I find Augustine’s words of great interest, because when we look at Saints like Philip Neri, their story implies that there is such perfect holiness in walking away from everything, from all the riches and “glories” of the world, and living in poverty for the Lord is the way to go.

As I sit, I type these words on my Laptop which is not technically mine yet, as Rent-A-Center still is the formal owner. That laptop sits on a stand I bought at Walmart years ago, which had to be re-assembled due to its age twice. I sit in my Apartment on the West Side of Providence, whose expenses I share with a roommate because I can’t afford it on my own.

I am not crying poverty by any means, I am simply pointing out the reality of a situation that most people I know share. The specifics may be different, the details are never the same, but I don’t know any rich people. In 2011 the reality of walking away from everything and living a life dedicated solely to Christ and His works in such a publicly dramatic way is next to impossible. The last time that I saw a nun in her habit in public, she was standing at the next teller in the bank. I couldn’t help but over hear her conversation; “Well I was confused because when I checked the account online…”

My friends these are not bad or sinful things. The reality of it is we live in a different world than that of Philip Neri. When Christ comes again in all His glory, I’m sure that someone will snap a picture of it with their IPhone, and post it to Facebook the moment it happens. I doubt the Lord will warn us of His coming via Twitter, but He will certainly return to find a world that is very different than the one He left. Those things that used to mark ones riches are now a sign of poverty. I remember in Middle School we all used to love going over this one friend of mine’s house because he had dial-up Internet, and had access to a world some of us did not. If that was still his method of connecting to the web, he would live in the Stone Age by our contemporary analysis.

There is nothing sinful about “the world”. Augustine talks in the passage above about “joy in the world” vs. “joy in the Lord”. What Augustine is talking about is a state of mind, an awareness, not the measure (or lack thereof) of things we possess. If poverty were the key to holiness, then the Church would not spend so much time and energy trying to improve the lives of those for whom poverty is a daily experience.

As a “worker Priest” this passage from Augustine resonates deeply with me. I work in the modern world, I have a career, granted non-profit work is not an ambition driven line of work, but it’s a career none the less. I’d like to go on a nice vacation every year. I’d like to save some money and drive a nice car one day. I like having a Blackberry that connects me to everything with the touch of a button. I worry about how I look, and I enjoy all the same pleasures as anyone else. Yet I am also a Catholic Priest. I have been Ordained through the ministry of the Church to be a shepherd to the sheep the Lord sends me. I celebrate the Sacraments of the Church, making Christ a real and present reality in the daily lives of those who seek them. By virtue of my Ordination, I am called to find my joy not in the world, but in the Lord. How does one live in both realities?

Augustine hits the nail on the head; “In the Lord we live and move and have our being.” It is the generosity of the Lord that makes any of the pleasures of this world possible. The worker Priest, and indeed any Christian who lives in the contemporary world, are both called to remember this concept in our daily lives. In the Rite of Christian Burial there is a line that reads, “We give thanks for the blessings you have bestowed upon N in this life, they are signs to us of your goodness and of our fellowship with all the Saints in Christ”.

If my “joy” in this life is in the Lord; then that means that as I live my daily life in the world, it is pointing to Christ. It means that when I go to work in the morning, and do the best job that I can, I am doing the Lord’s work; because I am a Christian, and my joy is in Him. If I drive a nice car to go there, then that means I am using that car to do his work. When we find success, we give thanks to God, as it is HIS success. The sexual attraction we feel towards our partner is a sign to us of God’s goodness, not just a human urge that we are trying to satisfy.

Two people could both have all the same worldly things. They could both have the same success, the same nice car, equally impressive homes with equally attractive partners. They could go on the same refreshing vacations, and eat at the same lavish restaurants. However, if one finds their joy in the Lord, and one finds their joy in the world, those two people are in fact very different at their core.

To be a good Christian is not to be an extremist, it’s to remember that we look at the world through Christ’s eyes, and just as He accepted nothing to His own credit, we do not either. So let us truly live those words that someone else will pray on our behalf on the day we are laid to rest. Let us give thanks for the blessings God has bestowed on us in this life; they are signs to us of His goodness, and of our fellowship with all the Saints in Christ.

Thirty

2011-05-17T21:07:00.000-07:00

It’s my birthday month. A month that typically when I sit to put my thoughts together into a Blog, the words come freely, and oh so naturally. This year though, it’s different. It doesn’t happen quite as easily as usual, and I think it’s because this year, my birthday marks something different for me.

My attitude this time of year is usually one where I look back at the year that has passed, and evaluate, as I look forward to what is to come…almost my own personal New Years Eve. Usually I realize that the year that has passed was no different than the year before, and I vow to myself to make the one that is to come so much different.

This year has certainly been very different then all the rest. I started it off by being Ordained a Priest. I began this year of my life by bringing to fulfillment a journey that began over ten years ago. The beauty of the mystery of life is that the fulfillment of one journey is always just the first steps of another. In the last year I have opened a Parish, dove full steam ahead into my ministry, changed into a “day job” that is much more cohesive with the rest of my life, and above all else, and perhaps most remarkable, I sobered up. That’s no joke of a year!

All these things however really are meaningless, if I haven’t learned something from all of it. That’s the real question, what lessons did I learn this year?

I learned about relationships. I learned that it is the highest form of arrogance to think that we have control over how others feel about us. I learned that friendship is not when someone will sit with you at a bar when life feels like its falling apart…rather a friend is the person who reminds you of your worth when you feel worthless, who loves you when you don’t deserve it, and who forgives you when you realize that you were wrong.

I learned about people. I learned that some people can only find their own sense of worth when they look for it in a subjective rather than an objective way; when being in a better place then someone else equals being in a good place. As a result, I’ve learned that judging myself by the terms of others will never yield success.

I learned about money. I learned that when we do something right the first time around, it pays off in the future in ways we never get to see…unless we do it wrong, in which case it ends up exponentially more expensive. I’ve learned that stressing over money will not make more of it, nor will it decrease the demand of it from others.

I learned about leadership. I learned that being a good means living in good balance. Rather than allowing the many passions of life to motivate and drive us, it’s when we keep them all in a healthy balance that we become solid leaders.

I learned about asking for help. I learned that not being ashamed to ask for help, and admit our weakness is the highest form of love and respect that we can show to another person. I also learned that the true friend is rarely who we expect, and in those moments the true value and meaning of that word comes to glaringly clear definition.

In all of these things I learned about God. I learned that God really is as amazing as I preach that He is. I learned that He can do awesome things when I shut up and get out of His way. One Sunday in early December I looked at the Host at Mass and confided in God a secret: I admitted that I needed help. I admitted that I had an alcohol problem, and I couldn’t deal with it alone. A week later I found myself in rehab, and came home to a world that had taken nothing away from me, in fact it was laid out in front of me in naked honesty, and the parts of it that mattered was eagerly waiting to see if I would be able to do all the things it had always suspected I was capable of. I also found that same God who proved Himself by answering my silent scream for help, waiting to continue to prove Himself every step of the way, as He always had, I just hadn’t always seen Him.

So now I find myself turning 30. When we are kids we can’t wait to be adults. When we are teenagers we look forward to turning 18, when we are 18 we can’t wait to be 21, when we turn 21 we look forward to every birthday between 21 and 25 because with each one we move a step away from being “just 21”. We turn 25, and view it as the height of our youth in a way. Life is just beginning, our school lives are older, the fun is being had, all while we are learning about the correlation between how we treat our bodies, and how we look. At that juncture we look at 30, and expect that when that page of the calendar turns, life will be right where it should be.

So here I am about to turn that page, and I can’t help but wonder what my 18 year old self would think if he saw me now. If that tall, lanky, awkward boy with a full head of hair, could look at me face to face would he smile with approval, or shake his head in disappointment. I don’t know that he would even recognize me. He would see a man who has traveled all over this country and others. In my eyes he would see 12 years worth of hurt, pain, and rejection. He would see the tracks of 12 years of tears. He would see creases in my face from 12 years of smiles, and the hand prints of soooo many people on my back who have embraced me in love. The most unrecognizable thing he would find is that the only smile this person cares about is the one he sees when he looks in the mirror, because it means that he was able to make the focal point something other then himself.

All in all, I have to say I feel quite proud of the man who crosses the threshold out of his twenties and into his thirties. He does so holding on tightly to the lessons he’s learned and eager for those that are to come. I walk into this birthday stone sober, resolved, happy, and walking with the companion I have found in Christ, and hoping to share His company with whoever would like to join us in this amazing journey that was intended for many more than just the two of us.

Irish Beer, a Shot of Whiskey, and Unrealized Dreams

2011-03-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

This is a very exciting weekend for those who are steeped in cultural pride. Saint Patrick’s Day was today, followed by a day to recover, and the next day is Saint Joseph’s Day. On the 17th everyone is Irish, and on the 19th everyone is Italian, the irony is, neither Saint was of the heritage that celebrates them with such pride.

Both men were very unassuming, and ironically little fact is known about either of them. Much of what we do know is surrounded by tradition and legend. We uphold that both men were motivated by dreams. Joseph, according to Sacred Scripture, was warned by an Angel in a dream to take the Christ Child, and His mother Mary from Bethlehem, and flee to the land of Egypt when Herod ordered the infamous Massacre of the Innocents. After hiding in Egypt, he was again guided by an Angel in a dream to take the family, and return to Nazareth when the plight was over. Patrick, according to legend, was visited by an Angel in a dream while he was in captivity in Ireland, after being torn from his home land of Britain. He was told that it was time for him to leave Ireland so he fled back to Britain, where he remained until returning to Ireland, again guided by an Angel, as a missionary. Two men, both guided by a dream; Joseph’s dream protected Christ from harm so that He could go to His people, Patrick’s dream led him to find Christ for himself, before bringing Him to the people of Ireland.

We are all moved by dreams. We all have dreams. Not the kind that are illustrated with the presence of angels, and messages from the divine however. We have dreams that are the construct of hopes for future accomplishments. We have dreams of finding “the one” with whom we will spend the rest of our lives. We have dreams that the one we have found is “the one”. We have dreams of buying property, paying off those debts, driving that nice car, and living in that perfect home. We also know what its like to have dreams dashed before our eyes. That’s what makes them dreams.

What we sometimes fail to realize however is the amazing blessings that sometimes come with those dreams seemingly falling to pieces. The lessons we learn along the way help make us who we are, weather we achieve those dreams or not. I’m sure Joseph and Patrick both had dreams that were different from the ones that God gave them that were decorated with Angels, and messages of living life in flight. Joseph was a Carpenter, who in all likelihood dreamt of building a successful career out of his trade, and making a quiet peaceful home for himself and his wife Mary. I’m sure that the adventures described to us in the early days of the Gospel were not in his original plans. Likewise Patrick I am sure had dreams of his own. He was the product of an affluent family, who seemingly had no solid religious background. His father was a Catholic Deacon, but history tells us that was likely due to tax incentives and not so much religious conviction. His years of imprisonment after the Irish Raids on Britain were certainly not in his original plans, nor were his later years as a Missionary his original life goals.

The point is, sometimes the dreams that God has in mind for us are different then the ones we would have for ourselves. I have certainly seen that in my own life. The life I have now is certainly not the one of which I dreamed while growing up. When I was in High School and looking forward to graduating and moving on to Seminary I dreamt of an Ordination day in the Cathedral at 25. I dreamt about the challenges of a Celibate life, and concerns like running a large Parish, with a school, and being a part of the lives of a large Congregation of Parishioners.

God certainly did have other plans. Instead I find myself as a “working Priest” with a Parish and a secular career. My parish has no school, nor is it large, nor does it sit on an endowment. Instead we are a small community of faith, united in our belief that Jesus Christ came for all of us, and we work together everyday towards the coming of His Kingdom. I’m involved in the lives of LGBTQ youth, who everyday teach me lessons about life and love that I could never learn in a classroom. I find myself involved in things like Marriage Equality, and other forms of advocacy that will someday impact the lives of people who I will never even meet. My life is so full, so joyful, so happy, and to be honest. . . I cant imagine it any other way.

It’s certainly a lesson learned on my part. We can have as many hopes and dreams as we want, but we wont find happiness until we have God’s dream, and find the life that He is calling us to! Unlike Patrick and Joseph the odds of that dream being painted in so clear a picture as it was for them are slim. The angels of God’s dream for us comes in the form of human beings, apparent failures and disappointments, heartbreak, and trials. When we are going through these experiences they couldn’t seem anything less like a dream, but rather more like nightmares. When they have passed though, and we look back on life’s incredible journey we can smile with confidence, and know that in all of that God was there, is there, and continues to be there, even though we may not see Him.

So let’s all keep having those dreams. Let’s all keep working towards those goals, great jobs, nice cars, and fancy homes that we enjoy in the details of our imaginations. While we are trying to achieve them, God will do what He has to do to show us the way to what He has in mind, and what we will find is happiness, joy, and fulfillment beyond all telling.

The last part of the popular Serenity Prayer is the part least known by most, yet the most powerful;

“Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking a Jesus did this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.”

Ashes Are Universal

2011-03-07T19:56:00.000-08:00

It’s almost here, once again: Lent is almost upon us. There is something about Lent that has always bore with it a negative tone. All that talk about sacrifice, penance, and conversion makes a person think, “gosh, am I really that bad?”

Maybe Lent isn’t about how “bad” we are, but about how much better we can be! Lent starts with Ash Wednesday, and good and faithful Christians throughout the world will go to Church, listen to readings that talk about how penance, sacrifice, and conversion is something that happens in the silence of our hearts and not on a street corner. Then they will have a cross traced in ashes on their forehead, and go out into the world living their daily lives…seems a bit contradictory.

Think about where the ashes come from though. Ashes are a result of a something being burned. They are the product, or the remains of a fire. God is so often represented through fire. The Holy Spirit is always shown as a Dove dispersing tongues of fire. At our Baptism, our parents are handed a lit candle, as a symbol of the light of Christ. At Christmas we see candles as a symbol of Jesus as the Light of the World that comes into the world to scatter the darkness. When these 40 days of Lent are over, we will reach Easter, and at the great Easter Vigil, the Church blesses the new fire.

So we begin the journey with ashes, and we end with fire. The ashes, the sign to the public that we have begun this journey towards Easter is a testimony not to filth and dirt, but rather the fire which produced them, the fire that we hope to have burning at full force by Easter.

Maybe the fire within us is starting to take a beating from the winds of daily life. Maybe its down to a flickering flame. Maybe the fire needs some kindle to get it roaring again, something to feed its hunger. Maybe it needs some “fresh air” as we know fire cannot burn without oxygen. Whatever the fire in your heart needs, use these 40 days of Lent to find it!

This week I also hit a landmark in my journey with Alcoholics Anonymous. If all goes according to plan, Friday will be my 90 mark. I cant help but look at my own life. These last 90 days have been spent thinking a lot about my life. After admitting that there is a problem, the journey and the work has only just begun. I’ve spent a lot of time looking inward, examining the pain that’s in there that I never really acknowledged. I’ve thought about how I took that pain and anger out in so many other ways, and on so many other targets. I thought about all the relationships of all kinds, opportunities, and potential growth that I managed to destroy by holding on so tightly to my addiction.

All however is not ashes. Just the opposite. The ashes that remain are a reminder to me of the fire I am working towards feeding. It’s encouragement to continue to coax that flickering flame so that it will burn brighter and brighter, and larger and larger. Through my life as a Priest I can only hope that flame will somehow spread into the hearts of others.

Going 90 days without a drink is like getting the ashes on your forehead. Its an external sign of what’s going on inside. It’s a physical expression of the fire that is burning stronger and stronger everyday. I feel like this year I finally figured out a little bit more of what this Lent stuff is all about. It’s not about me being that bad. I’m pretty good actually! I have a career I enjoy. I have healthy friendships with a diverse range of people, and those friendships are real. I am enjoying living life like I never have before. I am able to just roll my eyes when I see the immaturity and foolishness of people around me (rather then jumping in or leading it). I have a spiritual life that I can see growth in a little bit at a time. These are all things I didn’t have before, and if I did, I couldn’t see them.

However, Lent is an exciting time this year because I can see how much better I can be. I can see how much more I want to grow. I can see the things I want to let go of. The even more exciting part is, I am eager to see all those things God has in store that I haven’t yet seen for myself. I was chatting with someone the other day who said to me, “I’m so happy for you, you are finally getting yourself together”. Indeed I am, but Lent proves that “getting one’s self together” is not a one time event. In fact they have a word for the process; it’s “life”. The Church is good enough to give us a 40 day season to remind us all to not get comfortable where we are, or too proud - because we could be even better.

One of the ways I would always justify my drinking was by looking at the person who was way drunker then me, and take comfort in knowing that “that one has a problem”. I’m sure that many times I provided the same misleading and false comfort to someone else. The ashes we receive on Wednesday are a reminder to all of us, that the fire could burn a lot brighter inside of us. They are a reality check, that everyone of us is on this journey called “life” and we are all in the work of “getting ourselves together”. In a way none of us are further along on the journey then anyone else, that’s why those ashes are such a powerful statement - they are the same on everybody’s forehead.

My Name is David, and Im an Alcoholic

2010-12-18T10:30:00.001-08:00

My name is David, and Im an alcoholic. As a Philosophy student and a Theologian I have spent many days and sleepless nights pondering the question, “Who am I”. Never before was the word “alcoholic” one that came leaping to mind. Never when I have been introduced anywhere, or included in my curriculum vitae has been, “Father David Martins, Alcoholic.” In recent weeks however, and now having come out of not only detox, but also rehab, I have faced the reality, that that is exactly what I am.

When I first came to terms with the fact that I am Gay, a large challenge was for me to remember that being gay was only a part of who I am, not who I am, or what I am. The same is true of my alcoholism. I suffer from a disease, the disease of addiction, but it is not all of who I am.

Over the years I can remember countless times sitting at a bar with a friend, and going drink for drink, and the next day the person would say to me, “Dave, do you think you have a problem?” I would always think, “What a hypocrite! If I had a problem, didn’t they too?

In hindsight its amazing how I defended and guarded this dirty secret of mine that I carried in my heart. I became friends with people who would readily join me in the campaign that I didn’t have a drinking problem, the other person did…they didn’t drink…that was their problem. I was always ready to point out, while belly up at a bar, how somebody else was “such a mess”. I even managed to develop a bond, made of liquor, among us faithful late night folks at the bar. Us few faithful disciples, who would even stay after the bar had closed and help clean, while earning a little shot before heading home. The reassurance we always maintained was that “at least I’m not as bad as so-and-so.”

This is how I know I am an addict, because I bought into all those comforting lies that addiction feeds us. I mastered the art of justifying my behavior. It didn’t effect my work, it didn’t effect the parish, it didn’t effect the work I was doing for Christ, so It couldn’t have been a problem. I would wind up at the end of the day sitting at a bar enjoying a “much deserved cocktail”. Was it a well deserved cocktail after a days work? Or was it really just getting back to the routine, now that I had gotten the details and responsibilities of daily life out of the way. I even remember as often as a few weeks ago that while going over my weekend budget, I was certain to make sure that Saturday night’s libations were included in my calculations, even at the risk of getting my phone shut off. After years of bartending every Saturday night, didn’t I deserve a Saturday night out on the town like everybody else?

You see these are the differences between me and everybody else, and my fellow drinkers along the way. I’m not like everyone else. I’m an alcoholic. My life had become unmanageable, because my drinking, and the resulting fog, and temperament had taken control. I suffer from a disease, a disease that has no cure, but plenty of treatment. It is only now, that I have admitted my problem, asked for help, and started to deal with it; this disease can become only a part of who I am, because until now, it was who I was, and I didn’t even realize it.

You see, I am not going to be that guy who can enjoy a glass of wine with diner, or a few beers with the guys on a Saturday night after a long week’s work. Instead I am a guy who will enjoy, I pray, a life of sobriety, because that’s what I, those who I’ve hurt, those souls entrusted to my care, and my liver, deserve. So yes, my name is David, and I’m an alcoholic. It’s time to take control of my life again, and turn it over to God so I can do his work, rather then expecting Him to pick up the pieces where I had failed. God came to a cold, lonely, broken stable in Bethlehem; this Christmas, I pray that He will find a welcome place in me, to help me rebuild this stable, and together, life can be manageable again.

Safety from the Fires

2010-11-16T09:24:00.000-08:00

Homily from Sunday at Saint Therese Old Catholic Church

The Readings we have heard at Mass over the last few weeks have been less then uplifting. Next weekend the Church celebrates the Solemnity if Christ the King, the last day of the Liturgical year, and the following Sunday is the First Sunday of Advent, which begins the new year in the Liturgical life of the Church. As a result these last weeks of the current year, the readings focus on the end of time, the last days. At first glance, these readings are quite unsettling, but if we look closely, they are actually full of hope.

When reading the readings of the weekend, I was reminded of a story I once heard about a man who lived with his daughter in a Canadian Prairie. Prairie fires began to spread through the region, and the man came up with a very clever idea. He started a fire of his own, burning everything in the area. When the fire was out, he took his daughter to the center of that area, and remained there, so that when the Prairie fires drew near, they would stop when they reached his location, as everything that could burn had already been burnt, making it the safest place in the region.

The Gospel today talks about “mighty signs from the sky”, earthquakes, plagues, nation rising against nation, and the list goes on. But towards the end, Jesus gives us some words of hope. “You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perseverance you will secure your lives”

You see God has already burned everything that can burn, so to speak. He has already secured that safe place for us to hide from the prairie fires that burn around us. He sent His only Son to Earth, who suffered and died on the Cross so that we could have salvation. If we persevere through the challenges, and attacks of this life, we will be rewarded with eternal happiness in heaven.

The reality of it is, we don’t go through life with this mindset naturally. When the pressures and stress of everyday life is bearing down on us, we don’t say to ourselves, “well, these things are only in this life, what really matters is getting to heaven”, because the cold reality of it is, such thoughts don’t pay the bills, or fix the leaky roof, or repair the car battery, or keep the heat on, or fix the broken relationships.

Tomorrow the Church commemorates Saint Albert the Great. He was a Dominican Philosopher and Theologian, who died in the year 1280. The good Dominican that he was, he wrote extensively about the Eucharist. Of this wonderful Sacrament, he said, ”Nor could he have commanded anything which is more like eternal life. Eternal life flows from this sacrament because God with all sweetness pours himself out upon the blessed.”

Albert hit’s the nail on the head. Every Sunday we gather here as a community of faith, and come forward to receive this great Sacrament, and when we do, we find ourselves in that place of safety with our father. We are like that little girl, embraced by her father in the safest place possible, where the fires cannot burn any closer because everything has already burnt that can burn. We get a taste of eternal life, as we receive the Body and Blood of the Lord hidden in the form of bread and wine.

This great Sacrament may not put out the fires, it may not pay the bills, or fix all our problems, but what it DOES do, is give us the grace that we need to face the fires of everyday life. You see when we receive the Eucharist, we become active participants in what Theologians have called, “the Christ Event”. We stand at the crib in Bethlehem, we stand at the foot of the Cross at Calvary, and we stand before His throne in Heaven.

My dear friends as these last weeks of Ordinary time pass by, I would invite you to treasure this precious moment of safety with our Father. When we receive this Eucharist today, let’s take a moment to bask in the reality of the situation. When we leave here today, we return to the real world, where the Providence Place Mall would tell us that Christmas is already upon us, and the headaches and heartaches of life taunt us regularly. This week when the real world pushes down on us, let’s all commit to return to this moment of safety with our Father, so we can rely on the grace we receive today, then we can stand proudly and really believe that these fires will not harm us, because everything that can be burnt has been burnt already

God Bless You!

Homily from Saint Therese' Parish First Mass

2010-11-07T13:45:00.001-08:00

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

The beauty of the innocence of children is always inspiring. After I read this story, I found myself thinking back to my own days as a child. I remember the days before worrying about my rent, the bills, the car, relationships, a career, and all the other realities the world brings with it. That’s why in our Opening Prayer of today’s Mass we heard the words; “God our Father, you have promised your kingdom to those who will become like little children.” You see a little child does not understand hate, or fear. A little child does not cast judgments, or subscribe to stereotypes. A little child only sees the love that is in the world around them. It’s when they enter the real world that they discover the harshness that everyday life throws at us.

Our Parish Patroness Saint Therese understood this, despite her own difficult childhood. By the age of 13 she had lost three mothers, endured the scorn and contempt of her classmates, and had faced a horrible Kidney Infection, that nearly claimed her life. It was at Midnight Mass at Christmas that year, that she discovered the answer to so many of her problems. She realized that the child that was born on that holy night, had come into this world to personally bring her, salvation. Motivated only by love, God was made man, to walk among us, endure our hardships, be tortured and killed so that she could have salvation. Therese fell in love. She fell in love with this Jesus, and in her life as a nun, she never left the confines of her convent, but lived a life she called “her little way”. When she died at the age of only 23, she knew that she had made a difference in that convent, in the lives of those nuns, and indeed in the larger Church, because despite all the challenges she faced, she relied simply on love, the love that she shared with Christ. As a result, those challenges became bearable, because all those challenges were taken on in view of that love.

As Independent Catholics, Therese would have felt comfortable among our numbers. We are a community of believers who have faced challenges, we have felt the scorn and contempt of others, we have all been rejected somewhere by someone. We strive everyday in an uncertain world, and we have gathered today, in this space, to stand up and commit ourselves to living that same “little way” as Therese did. We gather to love our God and neighbor regardless of who that neighbor is. Regardless of sexual orientation, or who’s been divorced, or age, or gender. We come together to love with the hearts of little children, who do not judge, discriminate, or subscribe to stereotypes. Rather we gather like those two young brothers from our story. They may have been mischievous, but they stood by one another in thick and in thin, and learned life’s lessons together, in childlike love.

As we gather today to celebrate our first Mass as a Parish community, you can be assured of my commitment to you as your Pastor. My role is to bring the Sacraments, and celebrate with you, and nourish your relationship with Christ, never to judge it. Our numbers will start small, but as we grow in that relationship, the world we live in will see it, and is through the testimony of our lives that we will grow. We will never be a large Cathedral, but what we will be is real, with an honest and true commitment to the God who made us. Despite our many differences, we are all alike, we are all persons engaged in a childlike relationship with God, the rest of the details of life, are just that, details.

My dear friends, as we grow in this journey together, it is my earnest prayer that when we are asked, “Where is God”, we can answer with confidence in the words of the famous children’s Church song. He is “down, down, down, down in my heart, to stay”.

God Bless You.

2010-10-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

It’s Halloween again. My how it seems to come so quickly. Last year on Halloween, in this blog, I said of the big day;

“Every club, across America, on different nights throws Halloween parties, "Costume Balls", "Monster Mashes" , whatever you want to call it. It's a time when children go from door to door, dressed as their favorite superhero, collecting candy and other treats. Its a time when adults have the freedom to act like children, and get all dressed up in costumes and go to parties. It's a time when girls can dress like whores and nobody can say anything about it, and when men can dress like women and nobody bats an eye.

What is it about Halloween that makes so many people get so much "in the spirit". Even I - who publicly hates Halloween, when the night comes and I am in a costume, and slingin drinks behind the bar - I somehow end up "getting into it".

It certainly provides a nice distraction from our everyday life. We can forget our worries, our fears, our stresses, and enjoy a night of pretty much mindless fun with our friends. It's an opportunity we don't often have in our everyday lives, to let loose without concern, and make fools of ourselves. On the deeper level we re-connect with the child in all of us. We return to the days when we didn't care what other people thought of us. We re-gain a certain amount of innocence because we let go of our pride, and return to the days when life was simple.”

I really think that it’s true. We enjoy reverting for that one night to those old days when life was simple. When we didn’t have bills to worry about, or careers, or relationships, or rents or mortgages. The big worry was scoring the best candy, and what a friend thought about our costume. And don’t we deserve it? The reality of it is life is complicated. It’s VERY complicated. We burn ourselves out, if we aren’t careful, and we need that moment away.

It is all together appropriate that the Gospel on Halloween is the story of Zacchaeus. Zacchaeus was a tax collector, which in Bible times meant big time sinner. They were believed to have been men who stole from the tax payers, and were vapid of any values. Jesus was preaching in his town, so Zacchaeus climbed a tree and hid up there to watch Jesus pass by. When Jesus saw him, he called him down from the tree, and told him he needed a place to stay. The people all started talking “Jesus is staying with a sinner, with a tax collector”.

It fits in well with the Halloween message. Zacchaeus wanted to see Jesus, but he felt he couldn’t because of who he was. Halloween is a day when we all get to be someone else, and no one judges us. In a way, in the Christian life, we don’t need Halloween, because everyday of our lives, we can be who we really are - and Jesus doesn’t judge us. Maybe that’s part of the stress of our everyday lives. Because among all the bills, the relationships, the stress, etc - we are also constantly trying to purport some kind of image. It’s human nature. We spend our time trying to show the world that we are more then what we are, because we have goals of what we want to be, but we haven’t reached them yet. And we have flaws that we don’t want the world to see, so we hide them. We have stress that we want everyone to think we can handle, even when we can’t. Zacchaeus understood that, that’s why he hid in the tree. He knew that society thought certain things about him, weather they were true or not. He knew that he would be judged by the crowd if he stood among them to see Jesus, but Jesus Himself pulled him down from the tree, and in fact had dinner with him that very night. Zacchaeus was able to return to that childlike mentality, that the things of his current worldly life didn’t matter, he wanted to see Jesus, and he was granted that desire.

Every year on Halloween we wear costumes, we wear outfits that we know we would be mocked for wearing any other night of the year, and we say “Whatever, it’s Halloween.” The story of Zacchaeus teaches us that its ok for us to have that attitude all year round, because Jesus loves the REAL us. My father once said, “Hey, love it or shove it”. That’s a very true statement. We are who we are. We are who God made us, and we can never truly grow, we will never really achieve our goals, and our hopes and dreams, unless we present the real us. On Halloween we present a fake outer image, so that we can be our true inward selves. Maybe the rest of the year we can try to be our real inward selves more often, and forget the stress and nonsense of daily life. God, and the people who love us, love us for the real “us”, not the image we project. Its ironic that on Halloween, the external becomes just that, an external, and the internal becomes more honest then ever. Because the real internal “us”, is adults who suffer from the adult world, and long for the days of innocence, stress free living, and when life was much simpler.

Called to Love

2010-10-26T11:26:00.001-07:00

The inspiration for my thoughts today comes from a most surprising source. Well, surprising to those of you who are faithful readers of this Blog. Bishop Tobin, in his weekly column in the “Rhode Island Catholic” produced a point that I found very intriguing, honest, and sincere on the issue of Homosexuality. He received a letter from a gentleman in the Diocese who recently learned that his grandson is gay. In his critique to the Bishop he argued;

“Many men and women could not find themselves in love with a person of the same sex unless God made them that way. What is very serious is the attitude of disapproval and even violence that is often extended to gays. We are called to love everyone and not to be judgmental. When Church leaders speak out, it gives silent permission to others not to love gays.”

As the Bishop continued in his thoughts on the matter he said this;

“But the letter I received points to a broader dilemma for the Church, a dilemma the Church faces just about everyday as she navigates her way through the trials and turmoil of the contemporary world. The question is this: How does the Church preach the truth of the Gospel without harming or alienating people whose lives are touched by those issues?”

You see I would agree that the Church has a mission to preach the Gospel. Some of the manifestations of that message, undoubtedly get fogged, and misinterpreted as it passes through the filter of humanity, but the mission is there none the less.

I would never imagine Bishop Tobin to stand in a pulpit and support Gay Marriage, for example. As the Shepherd of the Roman Catholic Community in RI, he is called by God to not do such a thing. Similarly, I would never expect MY Bishop to stand in a pulpit and preach AGAINST it. I think that once we decide that we subscribe to a certain theology, then we subscribe to all of it, not just the parts that we find comfortable. Which is why we are always careful not to judge others, because how many of us really and truly at every moment of everyday , live the life we subscribe to perfectly. We certainly try, but it doesn’t always happen.

It has been implied in the past from a good number of more then one individual, that I use my blog to promote Independent Catholicism, and take people from Roman Catholic Pews. That could not be further from the truth. What I hope is that readers will stop and think about their own lives. You see I think that so often we get so wrapped up in our own lives, and our own issues we forget about the bigger picture.

Election Season is a prime example of that. Many people vote soley based on one issue. There are gays who only vote based on that issue, there are Conservative Catholics who vote based soley on the Abortion issue. Its so easy to sometimes campaign against something that we feel strongly about, but there are so many other issues out there to think about. With so many issues floating around out there, its nearly impossible sometimes to find a candidate that we agree 100 percent on with everything they say.

So to Bishop Tobin, I say kudos for acknowledging a very realistic thing that faces the Roman Church today. Indeed it faces any major organized Religion that subscribes to Christianity. Just as it is a challenge for Bishop Tobin to speak out as he is called to, without alienating anyone, so too it is difficult in other faiths. The Independent Catholic movement is very faithful in it’s commitment to same sex couples having the same rights as any other couple, yet that doesn’t give me the right to speak in anger against the Roman Church. I know that I have in the past, but I don’t have the right to do so. All of us who are involved in any form of Christian Ministry are called to stand up for what we believe, without apology. . . However, that doesn’t give us the right to attack one another, otherwise we become as petty as the many quote we see on the front page of the paper, as people bash one another in the political campaigns.

Let’s take Bishop Tobin’s advise, and be strong in what we believe, let’s live every part of it everyday, realizing that we don’t need to attack those who stand on the other side of the fence, because the primary mission of Christianity is to love, and to love all. We don’t have to agree, but we are called to love.

God Bless You

Birthdays and Old Friends

2010-10-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had the pleasure of celebrating two Birthdays, of two very special friends. Two individuals who have both opened not only their hearts, but their very families to me along the way in life.

The readings of today’s Mass, on this Feast of Saint Francis of Assisi, contain the story of the Good Samaritan. This story is not strange to any of us, I’m sure we all know the story of the man left beaten by robbers on the side of the road, and everyone ignores him, thinking that it is someone else’s problem. We also hear the lesson of Jesus, to “love your neighbor as yourself”.

This message of Jesus rang through so clearly in these last few days. In addition to these two celebrations, yesterday I also had the opportunity to re-connect with an old friend, who I had thought I had lost, due to my own stupidity. In all three of these people, I can think of no better example of the message that Jesus preaches then them.

You see, to be Christ to others doesn’t take much. It’s just about being a good person. All three of the individuals I mentioned above, have at one point or another laid down their own crosses, to help me carry mine. At some point in my life they have all died to themselves, so that they could be there for me. I have been very blessed in my life, with good friends, and plenty of shoulders to cry on whenever I needed one.

When I have been in financial crisis these individuals have been there to pull me out of the gutter, and take me out for an evening on the town, so I could get away from my problems, even for one night. When I have faced difficulties in life that no one else could understand they were always there. We have celebrated Birthdays, Holidays, and special occasions together, and cried together when life has thrown us curve balls. This is what Jesus meant.

My thought process cant help but turn to those who are not so fortunate. Like all the many GBLT teenagers have taken their own lives due to the harassment they have endured at the hands of others. These are people who have become so desperate in life, and have lacked that support, that they became hopeless, and threw in the towel.

You see we are called by Jesus in today’s Gospel, to “love your neighbor”. As Jesus goes on to make clear we are called to love all of our neighbors. The recent events in the news are a wake up call, that we never know how our actions may effect someone.

It can easily be said that the kids in NJ who broadcasted the intimate experience of his gay roommate on the Internet did not know what would happen. It can easily be said that he didn’t know that his young friend would take his own life on the GW Bridge. That’s exactly the point.

Let’s all try to be a better neighbor to one another. Let’s be conscious of what we say and do to others. Just like our actions, which seem like no big deal can make a positive effect in the life of someone else, the opposite can happen just as easily. That’s how we can contribute to fixing the situation that faces the world today in the loss of such young life. . . Love your neighbor. In this world there is plenty of hurt, and stress, and anger. . . Let’s be radicals, and contribute to the love.

Angels

2010-09-29T10:53:00.000-07:00

What is an Angel? Angels are one of those things that Theologians can debate with the average, good hearted, un-churched Christian. There are those who believe in Angels, but not really in God. From the Catholic perspective, an Angel is kind of an abstract thing. They are created beings, yet not Divine. They are that “unseen” part of the Creed that Christians recite very Sunday. They are our helpers along the way, that guide us, and protect us. Today is the Feast of the Archangels, Gabriel, Michael, and Raphael. Saturday marks the feast of the Guardian Angels. it’s a very…angelic week. What do Angels have to do with our daily lives?

They are invisible creatures who concern themselves with out safety, and have served as God’s messengers throughout history. The ancient Roman poet, Lucretius, once said of Angels; “We are each of us Angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.” He may be onto something.

This is a view of religion that many people have. I know folks who would never worship in a Church of any kind, but would fight til the death about the existence of Angels. I am ok with that. I am MORE then ok with that. For me, I have found my Spiritual home in a situation that is structured, with Liturgy, etc. However there are some people where that’s not their thing, and it never has been, but they would defend an Angel, and in fact even the existence of God. Beyond that, the way they live their lives could PROVE the existence of God to any Saint or Theologian.

I know a woman who from a very young age, always maintained a solid belief in Angels. An ardent belief! I never heard her talk about Church, aside from Christmas and Easter, but she was adamant about Angels. This same woman was always an Angel in my life, according to Lucretius’ definition. She was always there ready to put her arm around someone, and help them fly. She pulled me out of many dark moments in my youth, and I am sure will always do so for many people throughout their lives.

You see, we believe that God is Hope, Love, Life, and Truth. These are all qualities the Angels defended. So although there is no Theological backing to Lucretius’ quote, there is some real life backing, a lot of it in fact. How many times in our lives, do people lift us up out of darkness, and although the person themselves in tangible, the lifting they do is not tangibly visible.

Sometimes we are lifted up by the kind words of others. In my own life I think back to the nights I spent on a persons couch when there was no other option, or in their guest room. I think of the nights a kind person took me to dinner, knowing that I couldn’t afford to take myself. I think of the look in my ex’s eyes when they told me they loved me before I went to sleep at night, and how that look deleted any pain that was in my heart and gave me a good night’s rest. I think of those times when I was in a bad place, and just being in the company of someone I loved, who I knew loved me, changed everything. You see sometimes that’s all it takes, is the knowledge that we are loved, it doesn’t even require a hug, or a touch, or a spoken word.

Let’s all try to be the second wing to a potential angel. Lets recognize when someone else is our second wing. Another wonderful quote about Angels reads; “When angels visit us, we do not hear the rustle of wings, nor feel the feathery touch of the breast of a dove; but we know their presence by the love they create in our hearts.” God Bless all the Angels in my life =)

The Sitcom of Life

2010-09-28T22:18:00.001-07:00

It’s not often that I update my blog at this hour of the night, but I’ve been thinking a lot today. You see the last couple of weeks I’ve been under a lot of stress, and when I’m stressed the most helpful thing I find is spending time watching old Episodes of sappy TV shows, like teen soaps (particularly, 90210). The theme all these shows have in common is the concept of “life is good”. We watch these characters go through these horrible experiences, and yet everything turns out ok in the end.

We all know that’s not life…but sometimes, maybe it is. Tonight after a dreadfully dead night at work, I left feeling very stressed. When it comes to stress, one thing will kick it off, and then everything else just follows, and by the end of it all I feel like is a looser who has nothing going for him. I think it’s the Portuguese in me. I went out after work for one drink with the boss. During which time I saw some amazing things.

I saw an old friend, who has moved away and came home for a week to visit, and we shared in a few old memories, which yielded laughter, a lot of laughter. I re-connected, though briefly, with a friend who hasn’t moved but I haven’t seen in a while. And I saw two people who I know who used to be quite close, who were re-connecting for the first time in a long while. In addition to all these wonderful things, I managed to have a Priestly experience, yes even at 12:30 in the morning, while I was minding my own business heading home.

You see the bottom line sometimes in life is that when we are in the pits, we have to open our eyes to the world around us. Sometimes it’s hard to see life outside of the bubble we live in, until we peer into someone else’s bubble. Maybe that’s why teen soaps are such a success…because we get to peer into other people’s lives, who we have come to know quite well, and see how their drama ends in happiness. We know that’s not the hand of cards that life deals us, but it gives us a glisten of hope while we are watching them.

If we judge our lives on the day to day experiences that we go through, we are doomed to end our days in darkness. If we only evaluate our successes and failures in light of the situation we currently find ourselves in, we will inevitably find ourselves depressed, and alone. If however, we look at our lives in light of the bigger picture, the successes and failures of years before, and really step out of our bubble, and look at the full picture, we may realize that life isn’t all that bad.

The old saying really is true, “If you spend your whole life with one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, you are shi**ing on the present.” Truer words were never spoken. Let’s not waste the present. Let’s step out of our private bubbles, where we have found such comfort in being miserable and depressed, and look at the bigger picture. Let’s watch the whole Season, before we judge one character on the “Sitcom of Life”, because life really is a Sitcom, or a Soap Opera. Characters come and go, old friends make guest appearances in key episodes, and sometimes, in those Series Finales, all the pieces fall into place, and sometimes the way those pieces fit together, remains a mystery. . . That’s what happens when God is the Screen-writer.

There Is A Season, Turn, Turn, Turn

2010-09-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

It’s so hard to believe that September is already almost over, and October is right around the corner. I love the Autumn, the promise of change, the crisp New England air, and I am looking forward to the opening of the new Parish, Saint Therese. While we work out a few different options for our location, I am optimistic that we will begin in just a few short weeks.

If you think about it, the Autumn really summarizes life in general, because its so filled with uncertainty. The season expresses the same uncertainty, one day it rains, the next day its cold, the next day its warm, and one morning we are driving down 95 and realize that the leaves had managed to changed while we were pre-occupied with the rest of life.

So much change so quickly is frustrating, also just like life. The Restaurant business in Rhode Island is coming out of its slow season. The students are all coming back, everyone has finished their summer plans, and people are socializing in the city again. Bartenders and Servers who staff the establishments downtown, are looking back on a summer of wonderful memories, and a mountain of unpaid and past due bills. We look forward to the promise of a busy fall, try to save money for Christmas, and before we know the summer is back once again. Every step is dependent on something else.

That’s what life is like for everyone if you really think about it. We have all these plans, and those plans coming to fruition are dependent on something beyond our control. That new car is dependent on that raise they we are “supposed to get”. That Romantic ski weekend we are trying to book for February is dependent on still being with that person when the time comes. We put our faith in something uncertain, but if those things fall through, we have to turn to plan B.

In the First Reading at Mass today we hear the cries of Job. Job was a good and upright man, who had a life filled with many blessings. One by one those blessings are taken away, Job remains faithful however to His Lord, seeing it all as a test of faith. With each loss he would say, “Well, I may have lost ‘this‘, but at least I still have ‘that‘.” Then he would loose “that” too. His friends and those around him mock him for that faith. Finally, in today’s readings he shouts “Curse the day on which I was born!” He reaches the point where he has absolutely nothing left, and finally breaks his silence in a moment of frustration. Job’s faith is rewarded, and all his previous blessings, including his health are multiplied.

You see through all the changes and the frustrations of this life, eventually things will fall into place. . . The place God wants them. Eventually that promotion will come, if it’s His will. Eventually all our dating attempts will pay off and we will meet the person God has in mind for us. Eventually that job will come through, that opportunity will arise, eventually that seemingly endless period of waiting that we are in will come to an end.

In the meanwhile, let’s be more like Job, and when we experience one negative change, let’s remember the blessings we still do have. As the season changes, let’s take note of the leaves changing, rather then noticing it after the fact. Let’s enjoy the crisp air of the new season. Let’s be patient with life’s constant shifts and changes. Dealing with the challenges we can’t handle is tough enough, let’s avoid creating situations that we can avoid.

Erections Under Our Gowns?

2010-09-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

Well it has certainly been a while since an update to this Blog. Things have been very hectic in life lately, forming a new Parish, as the Independent Catholic Movement continues to grow in Rhode Island, I am blessed to be a part of it. That growth yields much work. Today, in a particular way I am especially grateful to be a part of the Independent Catholic Movement in light of the CNN program slated to come on Sunday regarding what Cardinal Ratzinger, now Benedict XVI, knew during the clergy sex scandal in the Roman Catholic Church.

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2010/09/24/sex-abuse-victim-learns-of-pope’s-role/

The article speaks of a man, Matt McCormick, who was in the seventh grade when it all began. He speaks of how it started with his Parish Priest, Fr. Campbell, made his first move on Matt when he put his hand on his thigh in the car on the way home from a baseball game, and just “left it there”. This incident was only the beginning, and what followed was years of increased sexual assault on this young man. McCormick was an Altar Boy, and the interview reads as follows:

“Before performing his duties as an altar server, McCormick and other boys were fondled by Campbell in a room just steps away from the altar.
“He thought it would be funny if we went out with erections under our gowns,” McCormick said.”

Campbell (who I refuse to call ‘Father’) thought that it would be ‘funny’, to molest a pre-pubescent boy, and then with those same hands, confect the Eucharist. The lips that committed the most grievous sin imaginable, would then kiss the Altar, and speak the words of consecration, and confect the Eucharist, the living and total true presence of Christ. Cardinal Ratzinger refused to have the Priest defrocked.

Thanks be to God for the Independent Catholic Movement. I think that it is a hilarity, that this same man, speaks out against Gay Marriage, that for a man to marry another man, or a woman to marry another woman, destroys the sanctity of the institution of marriage. Does the molestation of boys not destroy the sanctity of the Eucharist? As a Priest, this touches the very depths of my heart, as it should any Priest. The celebration of the Eucharist, which we participate in every Sunday, or everyday, unworthily, is so tarnished by such activity

The reality of it is, we are the Church. And the Church currently stands in a negative light, so what are we going to do about it? The North American Old Catholic Church made it’s choice quite clear. We have an institution that protects the safety of children. We have an institution that values the love that is shared between two people of the same gender. We acknowledge that sometimes love deserves a second chance, and a second try at Marriage is not sinful, but rather an expression of love, and a chance to heal. I find it the epitome of hierocracy for the Roman Church to identify so many forms of love as sinful, while the sexual act is being used as such a disastrous weapon.

Perhaps its time as Catholics, that we take a good long look at what we profess. Perhaps its time that we evaluate what is going on behind the closed Sacristy doors, and worse yet, what is going on at the desks of Bishops and Cardinals across this planet, who have turned the other way when this information reaches them.

There are countless good and holy men who serve the Church as Priests, and whose work is not advertised on the Six O’Clock news, or celebrated with CNN Special Reports. However that does not change the fact that it is the Institution that has caused such deep damage. It is the institution that moves these men from Parish to Parish. It is the institution that for so many years refused to acknowledge the pain and suffering of so many young people. It is that same institution that has the nerve to stand there and say that the love between two men or two women is sinful.

I pray that one day the one Church of Jesus Christ can stand united. I fear that will not happen until we are all rejoicing in His presence in Heaven, however in the meanwhile it is incumbent upon all Clergy, of every denomination, to think twice before you talk. It is our responsibility to safeguard our children, because they are the future. It is also upon us to pray for these men; the monsters who did this, and the monsters who covered it up. I have been blessed to be friends with many good, and holy priests, whose example is one I can only feebly attempt to live up to. Unfortunately, it only takes one apple to spoil to bunch. It only takes one hand to destroy a young child’s identity, and it only takes one hand to sign on the dotted line, and ignore the problem. That same hand is raised to give a blessing, confect the Eucharist, anoint the sick, to Baptize, and absolve sins.

As members of the Baptized, we share in the Priesthood of Jesus Christ. The Chrism which we were anointed on that day as babies makes us responsible. It requires us as members of the Body of Christ to act. So the question on the table is, what will you do?

Who do you know?

2010-08-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

In the Restaurant, or Service Industry, it is very common for the “regulars” of an establishment to pride themselves as regulars of that place. At Downcity very often people are in fact almost offended if I cant remember what they drink. Everybody wants to know somebody, or at least come across to others as if they do. When I worked at Lattitude in Cranston, one evening the owner who’s name was Dean, was sitting at the bar. I was working and in walked a man who I had never seen before, and he sat down in the seat next to Dean, they smiled politely at each other, and as the man’s visit continued, there were a few snags, and as he paid his tab he proudly proclaimed, “Dean is a good friend of mine you know, next time I see him I’ll be telling him about this meal.” Dean, who was still seated right next to the man said, “You know him too huh?” The man replied, “oh yes, I’ve known him for years”, and he proudly left the restaurant.

Today’s Gospel is similar. There are many who will try to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, through that narrow gate, saying that they know the Lord, but indeed He does not know them. Indeed it is not simply a matter of knowing, it’s a matter of that intimate relationship that we have cultivated during our days here on Earth. What do we have to do so that the Lord will know us at the narrow gate? Saint Paul tells us the answer in a very clear statement, he says, “for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines; he scourges every son he acknowledges”. So if we want him to acknowledge us, we have to be scourged. Why should any one of us be preserved?

Paul tells us that the Lord is going to “discipline” us along the way, like any good father. It is in this discipline, we will come to know him better, and will be further strengthened when the time comes to pass through that narrow gate. You see, the Kingdom of Heaven is not going to be simply handed to us. It’s true that Jesus Christ was made flesh and walked this Earth and died for our salvation, but that cannot be where it ends. Just as when a couple gets married, that is not the extent of it. They don’t just wed and that’s that, they engage one another. They interact, they talk, they cry together, they rejoice together, and they learn the difficult lessons of life together. The same is true of our friendships. We don’t simply proclaim, “You and I are friends”, and that’s the end of it. There is action involved. These are the things that make a relationship. As Saint Paul told us tonight, our Lord sends us challenges, we struggle, we struggle to control our vices, we struggle to not let our actions hurt others. We struggle to make ends meet, to make our relationships work, and the list goes on. These challenges, these sufferings, are only going to make us stronger, and if they are challenges that we share with Christ, when we get through them, it will strengthen our relationship with Him.

It’s possible. It’s possible with God’s gift of grace. He’s set us up for success. He saved us from our sins in His suffering, and now we return the love with our suffering, but he gave us the upper hand, in the gift of the Sacraments of the Church. In every single Sacrament we receive grace, and that grace strengthen us in our resolve to fight the good fight, they give us the home field advantage in this game of life. Going to Mass and receiving the Eucharist is about receiving grace. The Sacrament of Reconciliation isn’t about spilling our guts to a human being, it’s about receiving grace to not commit those sins again. The Anointing of the Sick isn’t to cure us of our illness, it’s to give us the grace to endure the suffering, and bring it to Christ on the cross. The Sacrament of Matrimony is not about the Church putting her stamp of approval on the couple, its about receiving the grace to endure the difficult times, and to remember that Marriage takes three, and the third is Christ. In a few short weeks, we will witness the Sacrament of Confirmation, when the Holy Spirit descends upon the recipients, and gives them the grace to strengthen them in living the Christian life.

So maybe this is a good direction for all of us to look, as we approach the final weeks of our ‘Year of New Beginnings“ which we have been celebrating since last November.. We should rejoice that Jesus has saved us all, but not get self-satisfied in our daily lives. We need to discipline ourselves, and use the things that happen to us to help us grow, rather than get us down. We need to remember that the tested people, the people with the most problems, the last people, may be the ones who get in the Narrow Gate first. Those are the people that will easily slip through the narrow door. Tonight let’s pray for ourselves and one another, that we will make good use of the grace we receive, so that we may one day pass through that gate, and hear the words of our Savior “Come blessed of my father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the beginning of time.”

God Bless You

We Live In Difficult Times

2010-08-16T13:21:00.001-07:00

Wow, well its certainly been a while since my last update hasn’t it? I promise to try to be more faithful. I hope I didn’t loose all my followers. It’s been a very busy . The reality of it is, its been life changing. Since my last post in March of 2010 a lot has happened. I have been Ordained an Old Catholic Priest. My roommate has moved out. (Nothing dramatic, it was just time for the next step), and I find myself on the cusp of getting a car, as being a Priest who relies on the RIPTA system doesn’t work so well. My days are spent trying to find a balance in the many aspects of my life, and adjusting to life as a Priest.

My inspiration to share my thoughts comes once again from Bishop Tobin’s weekly writing. Sometimes we agree, and sometimes we don’t, this most current post of his however I didn’t give much thought to beyond the beginning lines which I will quote;

“I saw a “Peanuts” cartoon recently that seemed especially timely. The kids are playing baseball and little Linus, in full catcher’s gear walks out to the pitcher’s mound and announces to Charlie Brown, “The bases are loaded again, and there’s still nobody out.” “So what do you think?” asks Charlie Brown.

After a pause for reflection, Linus declares simply, “We live in difficult times,” as he turns around and heads back to home plate.”

The Bishop goes on to speak about the world around us, and how it is seemingly falling apart, war, unemployment, etc etc. What struck a chord with me is how significant this is in our own lives. We don’t need to turn to the news to find stress or consternation. We don’t need to look to Afghanistan to find strife. We don’t need to look to the National Banking situation to find financial disorder. . . All we have to do is go on Facebook, or check our Emails, or take a good look at our own lives.

Between my own life, and my experiences thus far as a Priest, I have noticed that life is full of all these things without having to look very far at all. Relationships that we fight to keep alive, bills we struggle to pay, Rent that feels like its due every day instead of every month, checkbooks that don’t line up at all with the bills, sickness, death, and the list goes on.

It’s so easy to only see the tough stuff. Sometimes though we have to look at the bright side, it sounds cheesy but it’s so true. For the Christian we can look to the love of Christ, for the non believer, and even often for the Christian, we must look at the good things in our earthly lives. Last night I had the pleasure of after Mass spending time with friends who shared in common a club in Providence that is closing temporarily to re-locate. What began with exchanging quips, ended with sharing memories of the good times, the lessons learned from one another, and the hope of sharing in what is to come in one another’s lives.

Lately it seems like there is so much change going on in everyone’s life. I get a certain heaviness lately like everyone feels like Linus, “we live in difficult times”. We live in a time when change happens everyday. Some change is good, and change for which we have been working for a long time, and some change was not requested, but was cast upon us anyway. Then there’s that change that we asked for, and worked for, and regretted later.

The reality of it all is, those silver lining moments in life, those moments when we go to bed after an evening with friends, and we feel refreshed, and we feel renewed, those are the moments we have to LIVE from, because those are the moments that God sends to remind us of His goodness. Those are the moments when God reveals Himself to us, because if God is Love, then anytime we feel love, we feel God.

So let’s all think about this concept a bit. Which moments are more powerful? The moments of love, or the moments of stress. I think its safe to say that we live our lives for the most part worrying, stressing, trying to balance the books, dwelling on relationships that aren’t as we wish they were, the computer that won’t work, the cable that’s on the fritz, etc etc. Unfortunately, the “love moments” we often miss. When they DO make an impact it’s so strong that we find ourselves choking back a tear, or feeling profoundly moved. The reason is; we aren’t used to them. The negativity becomes the norm, and we find ourselves often like Linus. Perhaps instead when we hear that voice of Charlie Brown in our head, when we find ourselves wondering “what am I going to do”, put everything down, and look at the blessings in life.

As Debbie said on Queer as Folk, “Mourn the losses, because there are many, but celebrate the victories, because there are so few.” The reality of it is, change, good or bad, isn’t going to stop. We will never make the money we want to, or have the perfect relationship, or have the perfect housing situation, or in general be exactly where we want to be. However, what we will always have, is friends to share it with, memories to lean on, and the excitement and hope of the memories we’ve yet to build.

Palm Sunday Homily 2010

2010-03-31T12:27:00.001-07:00

I’m not exactly sure what I can say in terms of a Homily that can in any way add to the Gospel we just shared. It’s a story that in many ways speaks for itself. It is very similar to a story that I read earlier this week.

The story is about two brothers who live together in a small apartment. The older was a hard working, God fearing man, who lived his faith to the fullest, and prided himself on his hard work, and strong ethics. The younger was very different. He was unemployed, and spent the majority of his money on cocaine and alcohol. He kept late hours, and rarely spent any time at home. When he was caught cheating on his girlfriend, for the third time, the older brother once again warned his younger brother that he had to stop. That someday his careless behavior would catch up with him. One night the younger brother came home very early in the morning from the night before. His shirt was covered in blood, and he held in his hand a smoking gun. His elder brother asked what had happened, and the young man proceeded to start to cry. He was scared, as an incident at last call at a bar had led to a dispute in the streets, and in his drunken high, he shot the other man involved. The young man acknowledged his awful mistake, and was scared for himself. Soon the police were at the door, and the older brother told the younger to remove his clothes. They switched outfits, and the older brother took the gun. When the police came in they arrested the older brother. He was subsequently tried for the murder he did not commit, and was given the death penalty.

The remaining brother subsequently changed his ways, which certainly comes as no surprise. Wouldn’t we be horrified if we knew that this man’s brother had given his own life to save the brother he loved so deeply, and then he hadn’t learned anything from this experience.

Today, my dear friends, we heard the story of how our Brother gave his life for us. Isn’t it then logical for us to do the same as the young man from that story. Isn’t it all together appropriate that we live out our lives in recognition of the sacrifice that was made for us on that Cross. Our brother has been executed for a crime he did not commit, so that we could be free. The question that remains for us, is how do we live that freedom?

While hanging on the cross for our salvation Jesus faces much harassment and torture. The last of which, comes from the two thieves crucified on either side of him. One picks on Him, the other asks that the Lord remember Him when He comes into His kingdom. In his dying moment, the “good thief” realizes the sacrifice that his brother is making. Jesus, in turn assures the man of his place in paradise. Let’s not wait until that last moment. Let’s live our lives as a testimony to the gratitude in our hearts that we hold for what our brother has done for us. We have been given a second chance, we have had our slate wiped clean.

The crowds that day chose to rather have a hardened criminal, Barabbas set free. They chose to risk their very lives, by letting a murderer run free in their community while Jesus takes the punishment of the cross. Each and everyday we are posed with the same question. Who do we want, Jesus or Barabbas? Who do we live for? Who do we choose? The only snag is that in choosing Jesus, we choose the cross, as the two are inseparable. Jesus went to his Cross-without argument, without hesitation, and his final words were those of forgiveness. The question we ask ourselves is, how will we behave when we are hanging from ours.

God Bless You…

Terms and Conditions May Apply

2010-03-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

I think the biggest lesson in life that I have learned is that we always have to “read the fine print”. How often we go to a store to make a return or an exchange, or call the bank over an unexpected charge, or get rejected when trying to make use of a warranty on an item we purchased that has since malfunctioned, and we are slapped in the face with “terms and conditions” that were expressed in the small print at the bottom of a form. It is shocking however when “Terms and Conditions” are placed on helping another human being.

Homeless Voices for Justice, is a statewide advocacy group in Maine that is led by people who have been homeless. It works on issues that affect the homeless, such as supporting affordable housing and preventing violence against the homeless. Portland-based Preble Street, which runs a dozen programs to provide housing and other services for the poor and the homeless, provides staff support for Homeless Voices for Justice.

The Diocese of Portland’s Campaign for Human Development had previously provided grant funding for this program. Proposition 1 on the ballot last fall in Maine was to overturn the new law legalizing gay marriage. The Preble Street Resource Center backed the effort to vote “no” on this question, inspiring the Diocese to not only stop funding the program, but also demanded the return of unspent monies from the grant in question.

On the list of qualifications for receiving a grant from the Diocese the applicant had to respond to various questions asking what various issues the organization supports and doesn’t support. One of these was Gay Marriage. The organization said no, and by their support of this issue in the election they broke the terms of agreement in their Grant arrangement and hence lost funding.

http://media.kjonline.com/documents/eligibility_CCHD.pdf

Technically speaking, this is a cut and dry issue. The Diocese has every right to revoke the monies due to the clear breaking of the original grant agreement, however one can’t help but wonder how the Bishop can sleep at night.

How can we put terms and conditions on something as simple as helping the poor and homeless? In the very same agreement the Diocese clearly says that the top 5 unquestionable things that the recipient of funding must agree with are;

1. The sanctity of human life
2. The rights of the poor and vulnerable
3. Human Rights
4. The Common Good
5. And building and promoting a civilization of love, dedicated to working towards peace.

In the section talking about the Poor and Vulnerable, it says explicitly, “Poor and vulnerable people have a special place in catholic social teaching. A basic moral test of a society is how its most vulnerable members are faring. Our tradition calls us to put the needs of the poor and vulnerable first.” That tells me that the details of the terms and conditions that follow such as Abortion, Gay Marriage, Birth Control, etc are just that – terms and conditions. The Diocese needs to remember that it is ministering to a world that may not necessarily agree with everything they stand for.

Thank the Lord above, that when Jesus died on the Cross for us, He did so without terms and conditions. Thank God that when the angel Gabriel came from God to invite Mary to be the Mother of His Son she said “yes” without any terms or conditions. Her words, which we celebrate today on the Solemnity of the Annunciation, were clear, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me according to your word.” The next line in the Gospel reads, “Then the angel departed from her.” It was her response, driven by blind faith and love of the Lord and His people that made the Angel feel it was time to leave. It was Mary’s “no terms attached yes” that satisfied the Angel.

I can understand that the Roman Church has certain values that they have to uphold, and I can even accept that Gay Marriage is something that they do not agree with. However, even from the Roman Catholic standpoint it doesn’t make sense to penalize the poor and vulnerable in this situation. When Jesus feeds the multitude with the multiplication of the loaves and fish, He does not ask first if any in the crowd are gay, or have had an abortion, or were in favor of the death penalty. When He heals the 10 Lepers, He does not first ask where they stand on political issues. If the five stipulations that the Diocese of Portland maps out in the first page of their agreement with potential grant recipients are in fact the deal breakers, then the details on page two should be considered in light of how they relate to the primacy of those values.

Even on the second page of the agreement, where the Diocese gets down to the “terms and agreements” it says;

“Preferential Option for the Poor: all economic life should be shaped by moral principles. A fundamental moral measure of any economy is how the poor and vulnerable are faring. The Catholic Church’s position is that the needs of the poor and vulnerable in society should be addressed first, before any others. Is your organization hindering or harming meeting the needs of the poor or vulnerable in society?”

If in fact the needs of the poor and vulnerable are to be addressed first, before any other, then doesn’t that say in the Diocese own words, that Gay Marriage should be at the very least second to feeding the poor, and housing the homeless?

The details of what “legal organization” backed what and which “board of directors” supported what should not matter, as the Diocese should not have made such a withdrawal due to this topic. The directors at the Preble Street Resourace Center responded to both the Bishop and the Campaign for Human Development by saying;

“Last night 51 women crammed into our 30-bed temporary Women’s Shelter. This morning over 300 people lined up in the cold waiting for a hot breakfast at our Soup Kitchen. And today over 40 runaway and homeless children came to our Teen Center for services and sanctuary.”

So then due to politics, 51 women will go without shelter, 300 people will go without food, and 40 children will wander the streets with no place to rest. The organization “Catholics for Marriage Equality” has launched a campaign to try to assist with raising some money to make up for what they will loose from Diocesan funding. It is ironic, isn’t it? The Diocese has decided that they are going to put a legal matter regarding Gay rights before helping the poor (which they had previously stated was of greatest importance), and now that same Gay community that they view as so broken, is picking up their slack, and answering the call of the Lord to feed the hungry and cloth the naked.

The words of Matthew 25:34-45 come to mind;

“Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.'

Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'

Then He will also say to those on His left, Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.'

Then they themselves also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?' Then He will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.'”

Thank God that the Gay community in Maine is ready to answer the call of the Lord to feed, clothe, and shelter their brothers and sisters. What a demonstration of true Christian charity.

A Spirituality of Silence

2010-03-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

Today is the Solemnity of Saint Joseph. When I was in Seminary, we would pray that March 19 would fall on a Friday in Lent, so that we could skirt around the Lenten Fast for one day. This year I am sure that "meat starving" Seminarians across the world are rejoicing!

Saint Joseph is one of the most fascinating characters in Scripture, to me anyways. We don't know very much about him. We know what town he is from, tradition holds that he was a carpenter, he was Husband to Mary, present at the early events of Jesus' life, and then he disappears from the face of history.

His spirituality however is one worth looking at. I like to call it a Spirituality of silence. Joseph himself never speaks in Scripture, not even once. He has no powerful lines, or thoughtful expressions that we can quote or meditate on. What we do know is, he is a man of action, and certainly a deep faith.

He discovers that his wife is pregnant, supposedly with a Divine child. He considers a divorce; as for him to marry a pregnant woman would bring nothing but scandal and gossip upon he and his family. He plans to do so quietly, so as to retain Mary’s dignity, however, an angel advises him not to. She fills Joseph in on the Divine plan of God, and Joseph, without question or debate, takes Mary into his home.

After the birth of Jesus he is guided by a dream to take the newborn Jesus and Mary and flee to Egypt, as Herod is unleashing a mass laughter of all the newborn males in Bethlehem. Again without question or debate, he follows these instructions, and returns to Nazareth after an angel informs him again that it is safe to do so.

He maintains silence throughout the entire story. Even when Jesus is lost in the temple, it is Mary who verbally rebukes Jesus for wandering away from the family on their journey home from Jerusalem. “Your father and I have been looking for you.” Joseph says nothing, and his opinion is not even noted.

He disappears with an equal silence. We know nothing of his death. There are various traditions and tales. There are stained glass windows that show Jesus as a teenager holding His dying father in His arms. There are paintings of Joseph fashioning tables and chairs in his carpentry shop, but the reality of it is we have no idea.

That’s the point of Joseph’s spirituality that we can draw from Scripture. Or I should say, that’s the spirituality that can be molded from Joseph’s story. We should follow the calling of the Lord in silent faith and trust. We know he was an ordinary man, who was obedient to his faith and the law. It was in obedience to the law that he went to Bethlehem to begin with, that he presented the child Jesus in the temple at the proper age, and that they went on the prescribed journey to the temple in Jerusalem.

He lives his day-to-day life as a faithful, law abiding, gentleman. When the time came for him to make the difficult decisions, he made choices that were in consideration of others, but listened to the voice of the Lord when he needed to adjust his plans. By living this simple and silent life, he has ended up the Patron Saint of the Universal Church, and nearly every culture holds him in high regard. There are churches throughout the world that bear his name, and his Feast day in the Church is among the few regarded as a “Solemnity”. All this esteem is regarded to a man who never spoke a word worth history recording, and who is depicted as a gray haired old man, in a purple and brown robe, holding a walking staff.

Sound familiar? We may never speak a word worth history’s acknowledgement either. We go through our day-to-day lives trying our best to follow the laws of the land, our faith, and our conscious. The next step, is to listen for the voice of the Lord when we least expect it; even in those times when we think we already are making the right choice.

Chair of Peter 2010

2010-02-22T06:27:00.000-08:00

Today is the Feast of the Chair of Peter, which celebrates the great Saint who cast everything aside in favor of following Jesus. The First Reading of today’s Mass is a letter from Saint Peter, providing advice to his fellow clergy. His words are not extensive, but quite concise;

"I exhort the presbyters among you, as a fellow presbyter and witness to the sufferings of Christ and one who has a share in the glory to be revealed. Tend the flock of God in your midst, overseeing not by constraint but willingly, as God would have it, not for shameful profit but eagerly. Do not lord it over those assigned to you, but be examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd is revealed, you will receive the unfading crown of glory"

His words break down quite simply:

Tend to your flock, not out of duty but rather out of an eager love.
Do not do it for profit.
Do not rub that role in people's faces, but rather lead by example.

It is quite a task St. Peter holds us to. To lead by example is no small order, and one that is so easy to miss the mark on. To think that the way I live my life will be the model that others will follow is a tall order.

Peter was a simple man. He was a fisherman, who made his living by the work of his hands. Jesus called Peter (previously called Simon) to lead His flock, and be the first leader of the Church. In my Seminary days, today was my favorite Feast in the Church. It held Peter up as the first Pope, and that tradition was handed down from age to age. However, as the Second Reading from today's Office by Pope Saint Leo the Great clearly says, "The authority vested in this power passed also to the other apostles, and the institution established by this decree has been continued in all the leaders of the Church."

In other words, the Church is bigger then the one that is based in Rome. Jesus tells Peter that his name means, "rock", and it is on this rock that he will build his Church. Here we are in 2010, and that Church now has many incarnations. The continuation of the laying on of hands from the first Apostles, to us today, assures that indeed that Church will continue to flourish in all its many manifestations.

In the First Reading I spoke of earlier, Peter advises his fellow clergy to lead by example. Perhaps the best example we as clergy, be it Roman or otherwise is to live the mission Peter began. To continue to cast aside everything else to lead the flock back to the "Chief Shepherd." At the end of the day, when we stand before Him in heaven, he will not care what Jurisdiction we were a part of, or which expression of the Church we followed; rather, He will care about how we lived our lives, and those of us who are clergy, He will care how we impacted the lives of those we encountered on a daily basis.

If we as clergy are called to lead by example, then the lesson that people learned from that example, and how they implemented it in their own lives, will also fall upon us. Today's Feast is about the responsibility that we carry, as a part of His clergy, to show people the eternal Love of God.

Sometimes I think perhaps I am not doing my job as Clergy properly, as it is my flock that so often teaches me by their example. I am supposed to be the spiritual leader, and yet just by listening to the stories my parishioners tell, and watching them live their daily lives, I am inspired. By virtue of our Baptism we all share in a way, in the priesthood of Jesus Christ. He was Priest, Prophet, and King, and if we are baptized into Him, then logically we have a share in those three roles. In my opinion, it is the laity who so often demonstrates to the clergy how to live the role of Priesthood.

We all grow together on this road of life. All its bumps and detours make for a pretty messy journey. Thank God however none of us are in it alone. We have one another, regardless of our rank in the Church, to be an example to each other. Jesus praised Peter so highly in today's Gospel because of his deep faith. Jesus asks his followers, "Who do people say that I am." He receives a myriad of responses, and then presses further, "who do you say that I am." It is Peter who steps up first, and answers without hesitation, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." Jesus says that Peter is blessed because it was not a human that told him this; it was God Himself who made this revelation to him. Peter was blessed because he understood the call of the Lord.

If we as clergy are to lead by example, and Peter is the example that we are to look to, then naturally the example we are called to live is that statement Peter makes in the Gospel. We need to live that sentence, that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God. The implications that go along with that are extensive, because to believe that and to live it, requires that we die to self, and live for one another. Perhaps we as clergy should pay more attention to the example that our parishioners demonstrate for us, as it is often that they demonstrate the loving role of the Priesthood far better then we do.

Let us always be an example to one another of life in the Kingdom. The one thing I have learned this week is that we never know when this life will end, and we may not have the chance to do tomorrow what we could have done today. Therefore starting now, let's be examples to one another, and whatever our role in the function of life is, let's live it to it's fullest...as examples to one another.

Ash Wednesday 2010

2010-02-16T22:00:00.000-08:00

As I write my blog this evening, I do so with a full tummy, as our Parish gathered tonight to celebrate Mardis Gras! Certainly not the with the same festiveness as was celebrated in New Orleans, but we had a wonderful time. In New Orleans every year, the world famous celebrations of Burbon Street carries on into the late hours of the night, but at midnight, the city stops, as Lent has begun.

The 40 days of preperation for Easter that we have now begun, are days that the church encourages us to increaase our prayer, to fast, and to give. That giving is expressed usually in alms, or monetary donations, but maybe there are other ways to give.

We can give of ourselves in so many different areas. Get involved in a community improvement organization. We can give more fully in our relationships. Lent is about change. Change in our hearts, and the change that Christ calls us to be a part of within our world.

This is my first Lent as an Ordained Person, and I realize that the key part of the life of a Clergyman is his parish. They are my first priority, and if anything I have learned so far in my ministry, that while it is my job to function as the leader in public worship, it is our job, as a community to grow together in our walk in the love of the Lord. We all do our part individually, and that effects a change in the bigger picture. If we all do our own part, we will see at Easter that an entire community has transformed itself to be closer to Christ, and more aware of His love.

As we all enter this season of Lent let's do so with an open heart, eager to see what direction the Lord will call us in.

Valentines Day 2010

2010-02-15T08:56:00.000-08:00

Below is my Valentine's Day Sermon:

The origin of St. Valentine, and how many St. Valentines there were, remains a mystery. One opinion is that he was a Roman martyred for refusing to give up his Christian faith. Other historians hold that St. Valentine was a temple priest jailed for defiance during the reign of Claudius. Whoever he was, Valentine really existed because archaeologists have unearthed a Roman catacomb and an ancient church dedicated to Saint Valentine. In 496 AD Pope Gelasius marked February 14th as a celebration in honor of his martyrdom.

Saints are not supposed to rest in peace; they're expected to keep busy: to perform miracles, to intercede. Being in jail or dead is no excuse for non-performance of the supernatural. One legend says, while awaiting his execution, Valentine restored the sight of his jailer's blind daughter. Another legend says, on the eve of his death, he penned a farewell note to the jailer's daughter, signing it, "From your Valentine."

Valentine’s day is not necessarily a day for lovers, or a day for those who are partnered, it is a day for all of us. Valentine himself was a celibate man, who never had a partner. When Pope Gelasius I, established the feast of Saint Valentine, of the Saint he said “he was among those whose names are justly reverenced among men, but whose acts are known only to God."

How appropriate. Isn't that a good way to define love? There are those people in our lives who we "name" as people we "love". Weather they be friends, lovers, partners, family, or whatever role they play. But citing them as people we love doesn't cut it, it's the ACTS that make it love, and often it's those acts that are known only to God. The sacrifices that we make for them, the hidden actions that the loved one will never know are what establish the covenant of love.

The love of God for us is reflected in our love for one another, which is an ontological reality that transcends race or creed, gay or straight, religion, or anything else. It's a reality that we all share weather we are partnered or single. Valentine's day is everyone's day because it's not about candy and flowers, or hallmark cards, or fancy dinners. It's about the sacrifice of a man in the name of God's love, which he shared with others.

Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross is perfect expression of love, and His torture and passion he endured for us, is pointed to in today’s Gospel. We hear the words of the Beatitudes. Jesus tells us that blessed are poor, the weak, the hungry, and the persecuted…and woe to those who enjoy popularity, who are full, and who laugh. Pope Gelasius in his words about Valentine is expressing the same concept as the Beatitudes. Essentially earthly designations, success, and praise means nothing, but what matters is our standing with God. What matters is those private acts, those expressions poverty, weakness, and hunger. Jesus’ expression of love on the cross was perhaps the epitome of being poor, weak, hungry, and persecuted. The crucifixion then is the greatest proof of this definition of love.

We are judged, like Valentine, on those “acts that are known only by God.” A true act of love requires no reward. They require no praise. The harsh words of the Prophet Jeremiah in the First Reading ring so true, “Cursed is the one who trusts in human beings, who seeks his strength in flesh”. Our strength cannot be drawn from the human experience, but rather from our experience of Christ and His love, and we see that love expressed in our relationships with one another. In the second reading, Saint Paul tells us that things are different now. Christ has been raised from the dead, and by virtue of His Resurrection the definition of love has changed. Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you.” How did He love us? He died for us. So there is our answer, we must die. We must die to self, so that we can live for others. That is the perfect expression of love. And 99 percent of the time, we can die to self by virtue of those acts that are, as Pope Gelasius said, “known only to God.”

Charity

2010-02-01T09:25:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow the Church celebrates the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord, the day that Mary and Joseph, in accordance with the law, brought the infant Jesus to the Temple to present Him to the Lord, and offer the ritual thanksgiving sacrifice of a pair of young pigeons. While they are there, an old priest named Simeon recognizes Jesus as the Savior promised for centuries, and he recites a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord, and then turns to Mary and warns her that a sword shall pierce her heart. This bittersweet prayer is a foresight of the Crucifixion that Jesus would suffer, and the pain Mary would feel standing at the foot of His cross. On Good Friday, Mary would again offer sacrifice to the Lord, but it would be in the form of Her Son, who's death and suffering was the very reason for His coming into the world.

Mary's charity was sincere and honest. The motivations behind charity and generosity are often complicated and difficult to untangle. Often charity can be motivated by self interest. Or when a teacher rewards his/her students with some sort of treat, yet really he/she is only manipulating the children. Or how about at Christmas when we go to the mall thinking about who we "have to" buy for. "Joe" got me something last year and didn't get him anything, so I better be on top of that this year. If this year "Joe" doesn't get me anything, how likely is it that the gift I had purchased will end up in the hands of someone else. Very often the purity of a public act of charity or generosity have a deeper, and perhaps selfish intent behind them.

In a way the classic test of the legitimacy of the pureness of any charity or gift is when the recipient does not respond with any apparent payback, how does the giver react? The pigeons Mary offers at the Presentation, while simple gifts, are given with a pure heart, in total charity, and the response that she gets for this gift is a warning from the priest of her own impending suffering. When that suffering is endured in silence at the foot of the Cross when the ultimate sacrifice is offered, is a testimony to her dignity, and the purity of her gift.

How pure and true is our generosity when we offer it? The answer to that question is known by only us, and God alone. So when we give it is important to do so without counting the cost, or calculating the benefits. In Seminary we debated this topic extensively. Even an act of charity that is done with the hopes of "spiritual reward", or "good karma", in a sense are still not strictly speaking selfless. It's very difficult to do a truly and purely selfless act, but they do exist, and when they happen, they communicate God's selfless love to the recipient.

Patience

2010-02-01T06:45:00.000-08:00

Last Night's Homily:
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When we read the Gospel today, from Saint Luke, we see this first strong rejection of Jesus. Last week Jesus read from the Prophet Isaiah and told his own people that he was the fulfillment of that prophecy. This week we see the response: total and complete rejection. They did speak highly of Jesus at first, but as they began to realize what He was saying, they simply could not accept His words.

This happens to lots of people even in our own time. We grow up as believers, but then as we get older, and life and it‘s ugly details take over, we forget a lot of it. In our own way we often reject those beliefs, but God in His goodness finds a way to bring us back. it’s a good thing that God has more patience then we do. St. Paul in our second reading today reminds us about the many qualities of God that we so often forget. We know that God is love, and among the many things that Paul says of love, he says how it is patient.

Patience is the key to understanding so many things in life. Jesus speaks of how a prophet is never welcome in his own land. He speaks of how Elijiah and Elisia, the great prophets of the Old Testament, seemingly failed in their ministry to others because they did not respond to such great needs. It was only to certain people that the love of the Lord seemed to fall. I think that is something that we can all relate to.

We have all had those moments where we ask ourselves, ‘where is God?’. The prayers that go unanswered, the tragedies that occur in the world that make us wonder where God was when that disaster struck. When terrorists attacked our nation, and took the lives of nearly 3,000 people on 9/11, where was God. When the earthquake struck Haiti a few weeks ago, and claimed the lives of 150,000 people, and left the country in total desolation, where was God. When the twenty something year old dies unexpectedly, when our partner cheats, when our friends and family get sick, or when all the many calamities of life occur, where is God. For a God who is all love, there is an awful lot of less then loving situations that we are forced to endure.

On the topic of love Jesus said many things, but His life and Passion the Cross expressed 3 important things. He demonstrates an example of love, and invitation to love, and a revelation about love. The example of love is His passion, as He says “greater love has no man then this, to lay down his life for his friends.” Which is exactly what He did. Second He invites us to love as He did, with His words, “love one another as I have loved you.” He loved us by suffering and dying on the Cross, so logically we can determine, that the revelation about Love that He brings is that Love involves suffering.

No relationship is easy. Any one of us here I this room can attest to that. Relationships take work, involve pain, and take time to flourish. Our relationship with God is no different. He is patient, and kind, never jealous. As St. Paul said in our Second Reading, It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

Just like God is patient with us, as he waits for us to return to Him when we look away, so we must be patient with Him. Any loving relationship requires that both parties maintain those qualities that Paul describes for us tonight. So just as we expect God to never turn away from us, and to always be there, and to be patient and kind, and forgiving…we have to do the same. We have to be patient with God, and know that He will bring all things to where He wants them to be.

Jesus essentially is warning us in today’s Gospel that life is not a bed of roses, and there will be those times where we can’t see the love of the Lord in our lives, or in the world around us. The people in the story we heard tonight don’t like that very much, and drive Him out of town, and even consider trying to kill Him. Let’s not make the same mistake, because it is exactly in those moments where we think God isn’t there, He is usually right there, we just cant see Him, because we become impatient, and fail to let God be God, and let His love be revealed in His time.

New Beginnings

2010-01-25T06:38:00.000-08:00

Today I thought I'd share my Homily from last night's Mass...it's been tweeked for the web =)
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The new year is almost through it's first month, yet we are still adjusting to the new beginnings we started at New Years. Everybody is fighting to maintain our resolutions. At the gym, slowly attendance is returning to normal, after the new year influx. At work many of my customers who had sworn away from alcohol in 2010 are slowly returning to their old ways. Diets that began are beginning to slip away, and I myself who swore to quit smoking in 2010, am puffing on a Marlboro as I am writing this. Despite our perhaps failed or at least challenged resolutions, we remember that something new has happened, something important is beginning…God is with us. As Jesus tells us in the Gospel this weekend, this day a prophecy has been fulfilled in our hearing.

I would share the story of Grant Desme. He is a 23-year-old minor league baseball player - in fact, one of the most promising athletes in the country. He was considered a star prospect for the Oakland A's. He was a figure of incredible talent and potential - he'd hit 31 home runs, stolen 40 bases. He thought, any day, to get the call from Oakland to join the majors and begin a stellar career - one that would likely reap him millions. Well, he got a call. But it wasn't the one he expected. Friday, Grant Desme told a stunned group of sportswriters that he was giving up baseball. Instead, he was going to study for the priesthood.

"I love the game," he said. "But I aspire to higher things. I really had to get down to the bottom of things - what was good in my life, what I wanted to do with my life, and I felt that while baseball is a good thing and I love playing, I thought it was selfish of me to be doing that when I really felt that God was calling me more." He concluded: "It took me a while in my life to really trust and open up to it and aim full steam toward Him."

We also have the example of Emmanuel Buso. Emmanuel is not a priest or a seminarian. He's a student who lived near the presidential palace in Port au Prince Haiti when the earthquake struck. He was buried under the rubble, unable to move. For 10 days, he waited, and prayed. He slipped in and out of consciousness. Finally, on the 10th day, defying all the odds, an Israeli rescue team discovered him and pulled him to safety. Emmanuel was dehydrated and weak, but he's expected to make a full recovery. Friday, he talked to reporters from his hospital bed. "I am here," he whispered, "because God wants it."

God calls each and everyone of us everyday, and the presence of Jesus in our world since His birth at Christmas, and His continual presence in our world among us through the Sacraments is a great hope for all of us. Luke writes His Gospel as a letter to someone named Theophilus. The name Theophilus is not directly associated with any one person. In Greek the name means, “friend of God”. Tonight in the Gospel Jesus announces why He has come. To bring us freedom, sight, liberty, and glad tidings. Jesus announces that something very important is beginning. Luke addresses his Gospel to all of us, as we know that we are all beloveds of our God.

Emmanuel Buso and Grant Desme have begun anew in this new year in their relationship with their God. Let us all do the same. Let’s embrace the joy in this new beginning Jesus has announced. Let’s recommit ourselves to growing in our relationship with the Lord. We are almost through the first month of this new year, let’s not let that drive, and that determination we had when the ball dropped at midnight three weeks ago slip away. Let us rejoice and be glad, and turn to the Lord for the strength we need to bring ourselves to where we should be in our own lives. Like Grant Desme, this day let’s be inspired by his words to, “really trust and move full steam towards him.” We have nothing to fear, for as we have been told, “Today this Scripture passage is fulfilled in our hearing”

God Bless You.

He's so big, I can't miss

2010-01-22T10:19:00.000-08:00

The other night at Mass the reading was the story of King David, slaying the Giant Goliath as a young man. It is the classic story of the underdog. David was a young Shepherd boy, with really no ability to defeat this monster who even the great Israelite armies were unable to overcome. Jim Jordan, a Pro-Life activist who spoke at the March for Life in Washington DC today said, "Goliath challenged the Israelites everyday, but everyone said, 'He's too big we can't fight him.' But David's attitude was, 'I'll fight him, he's so big I can't miss'".

As I said at Mass the other night we all fight giants in our everyday lives. For some of us it's a person, for some it's a situation, or trying to overcome an addiction, or fighting with health issues, or the loss of a loved one. Each of us without exception are going to face a giant in life that we have to defeat. Maybe the big, maybe small. David shows a good example of how to defeat such a huge giant.

First he identifies Goliath. we have to be able to put a name to the giant. We have to know what we are fighting. The line from AA that is so often quoted, "My name is Joe, and I'm an alcoholic." Talk about identifying the giant!

He then draws on the knowledge that he has defeated previous giants. He keeps his sheep safe from attacking animals. If he could do that, he can do this!

Finally, he casts aside those who say he can't do it, and proves them wrong. Above all...he has faith in his God. This model is not one that died with Goliath, AA follows the same principle in it's 12 steps. The hardest part sometimes is not so much defeating the giant, sometimes it's in th every identifying of the problem that's so difficult. So often the thing we are trying to fight is a loosing battle because we aren't fighting the real giant!

One of my goals in 2010 is to quit smoking. That's a big giant. It looms over my thoughts, the drive to quit, and the fear of quitting. I've defeated alot of giants in my day, however this one remains the toughest. There are still other giants after this one, and someday pray God they will all be conquered.

Who Was There

2009-12-09T08:50:00.000-08:00

One of my not so secret passions is Teen Dramas on Television...embarrassing I know. One of which is the old Beverly Hills 90210 series. Today while I was watching the old re-runs, the episode they aired was the Graduation episode. The big drama of the show was the usual in Teen Drama - who showed up for graduation day and who didn't. The teens whose parents were on their third and fourth marriage, and the birth parents both came anyways. The ones who were worried til graduation day itself if they were even going to walk with their class. As the episode went on, they continued to show flashbacks to the different major events in the young people's lives.

As I watched I thought back in my own life. My High School graduation, and College graduation. The most significant for me was College, I couldn't believe I had actually made it! I had survived four years of intense life in Seminary formation, and had managed to complete all the qualifications that the College had held. Things were going according to schedule, and in four years I'd be a priest.

Of course that's not how things turned out. But I remember how much it meant to me to see certain people at these events. My mind then began to wander to my Diaconate Ordination...and event I had not yet processed. There is a part of the ceremony when the candidate for Ordination lays prostrate on the floor. During this moment the Bishop all present pray that the Holy Spirit descend from the Heavens and touch the soul of the Candidate that is to be Ordained. It was always emotional for me at others Ordinations to watch, but as my hands hit the floor it boomed in my head and in my heart "Holy Shit, this is it". My life would forever be changed. I would be clergy - forever.

In my mind passed the many faces of the people who couldn't be there. I thought of my parents, who first taught me the faith, and who since we have fallen on rocky grounds. I thought of my friends from seminary, some of whom I remain in close touch, and others I don't. I thought of the priests who handled my formation, and all the friends - and enemies - who had brought me to that day. I thought about the Parish here in Providence, and all our beloved Parishioners, the Little Brothers, who were present, and in many ways have become a new family to me. I really realized that it's true what they say about things happening in God's time, and not our own.

I think if I had stayed in Seminary, and been Ordained "on schedule" I would not be half the priest that I hope I will be. I would not have had the life experience of so many things. Like knowing what it's like to pay my rent, and knowing how it feels when it's the 6th of the month and I'm avoiding my landlord because I haven't paid it yet. Or like going to make a phone call and realizing my phone's been shut off. Most of all, I would never have known the God awful feeling of being dumped, or that hollowness that we feel inside when we have parted ways with a lover. The friendships and relationships that I have made/had in years between leaving seminary and now have made me who I am, and made me the man who laid on the floor before the Bishop on November 21st.

So who was there that day? Everybody was. Although it was out in Baltimore, and the reality was that people couldn't just shoot down for the weekend's events, everyone was there. Everyone who led me in their own way to that fateful day. Everyone for whom I am thankful to God always for dropping them in my life, each in their own unique ways.

Homily from Immaculate Conception Feast Day

2009-12-09T07:16:00.000-08:00

Today’s readings, are in my opinion some of the most beautiful, and significant in our Catholic tradition. In the first reading, we hear God’s infamous, and history altering judgment on Adam and Eve. They have been planted in the middle of Paradise. They want for nothing, they are destined to live forever in good health and joy in the presence of the God who created them. The devil tempts them by convincing them that the reason God doesn’t want them to eat of the fruit of that famous tree is because then they will be like God. What they don’t realize is…they already are. Despite this sin however, God promises that He will fix things. He promises that there will come a woman who will live in “enmity” with the serpent.

The word “enmity” means separation. He promises a woman who will be spared from the serpent and his scorn, who will be graced from the beginning and spared Original Sin. Centuries later we come to the story we hear in the Gospel tonight. The angel Gabriel comes from God and asks Mary to be the mother of the Savior. Because she has lived a life of purity and sinlessness, she is not blinded by the clouds of doubt or fear, and she not only says “yes” she says “I am the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me as you say.“

Adam and Eve demonstrate in their behavior the most ancient quality in humanity - our frail human nature. They stand face to face with God and receive one request - don’t eat from that ONE tree - which they break on the grounds of being tempted with greater glory, while Mary receives a seemingly absurd request from an unseen God and she responds with an ardent and heartfelt yes.

Perhaps often in life we end up like Adam and Eve instead of Mary. We are given so many gifts, but we send so much time analyzing and searching for more, we decide that what He has given us is not enough, and we go after something we don’t really need. We never think that what we have is enough, and we are always striving to acquire more. Sometimes however, this goes beyond a basic and healthy motivation to improve ourselves, and moves into selfishness. Sometimes we over pursue our pride, sometimes we loose ourselves in meaningless things, in empty pursuits, or if we are not careful, we find ourselves dancing with the dangers of addiction

The message of today is clear. We have to trust that God always gives us exactly what we need to accomplish what He calls us to. Mary knew that - that’s why she gave such an ardent “yes”. So which side of the line do we fall on? Do we trust in what He has given us? Or are we looking for more that we may not even need. It‘s different for all of us, and we all have our weaknesses, and it is important for us to be able to identify them, lest they get the best of us. It is not until we look past these temptations and weaknesses, that we like Mary, will be able to fully respond to His call in our lives, and fulfill the role He has in mind for each and everyone of us in His kingdom.

God Bless You

World Aids Day

2009-12-01T19:56:00.000-08:00

Tonight I spoke at the World Aids Day 2009 Vigil Downtown. I was honored when I was asked to say a few words this evening. The issue of HIV and AIDS is one that effects each and everyone of us. I am certain that nobody who was there can say that it is an issue that in no way touches them. The over 1 Million people in America, and 33 Million world wide who live in it’s reality each and everyday are faced with the daily challenge to maintain hope, and strive to live healthy lives.

It is easy when discussing this topic to ask “where is God?”, especially as we consider those we have lost. The answer to that question is simple, as I looked out on His face tonight. The flickering candles that were before me are a testimony to those we have lost, as well as a testimony to our ongoing responsibility to the community, and our obligation to educate and work towards HIV prevention. That ongoing dedication is the greatest testimony we can give to the impact in our lives of those we have lost.

Nights like this are an effective reminder that HIV is everyone’s concern. Our level of awareness around this subject must remain acute. And we must never become complacent regarding our responsibilities towards our brothers and sisters. We are reminded tonight very powerfully of the extent to which AIDS affects not only the person who is infected but the people around them.

Informing and educating people is one of the most effective means we have of reducing the spread of the virus. We have come a long way since AIDS first came on the scene. People are far more relaxed and inclined to talk about the disease now than they were then. We know that it is not a death sentence, but a challenge to focus on healthy living, and how precious life truly is. But of course in so many parts of the world there is still a silence surrounding the virus that is driven by fear and suspicion, and that silence can be deadly.

To Quote President Obama;

“Though we have been witness to incredible progress, our struggle against HIV/AIDS is far from over. With an infection occurring every nine-and-a-half minutes in America, there are more than one million individuals estimated to be living with the disease in our country. Of those currently infected, one in five does not know they have the condition, and the majority of new infections are spread by people who are unaware of their own status. HIV/AIDS does not discriminate as it infiltrates neighborhoods and communities. Americans of any gender, age, ethnicity, income, or sexual orientation can and are contracting the disease.”

How true Mr. President, how true indeed. We know however that this about much more then numbers. Each life we have lost was far more then a number. They were husbands, wives, friends, and family. The question before us is what statistic are you and I. Do you know your status, are we tested regularly, are we living responsibly?

Saint Paul teaches us that “we are one body” and “When one part of the body suffers, the entire body suffers.” Our body then, is injured, and we have a universal, and clear obligation to work together towards that body’s health and well being. In the Gospels Jesus healed the ten lepers, and when one returned in Thanksgiving, He was told his faith had healed him. Let's pray that the Lord will smile on the determination of the countless people across the world who are moved to fight for this cause, and pray He will see our faith, and heal this injured body.

Solemnity of Christ the King

2009-11-23T09:58:00.000-08:00

By Popular Demand, my Homily from last night, for those who may have missed it..

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I am sure that everyone gathered here today has heard of the website, Craigslist. It serves as a venue for almost everything imaginable, real estate sales, job opportunities, automobile sales, and just about everything else in between, including a ‘Personals’ section. Among the many selections of whose seeking what there is a “Missed Connections” section. So if in the busyness of your everyday life you encounter someone who you are attracted to, you can post it in this section. I used to always snicker at this page thinking, “why not just approach the person?”
There are so many reasons why people don’t act in that moment when they are attracted to someone. Sometimes it’s a lack of nerve, sometimes it’s a matter of the noise of our everyday lives that makes it inappropriate or impossible to act on that impulse.

In today’s Gospel Pilate has a bit of a Missed Connection. He has Jesus standing in front of him, and his total concern, being a politician, is Jesus’ title as “King of the Jews”. Jesus explains to Pilate with great clarity that His kingdom is not of this world. He tries to present to Pilate exactly who he is, and what’s going on, but Pilate cannot see past this “worldly title”, and his own ambition. So he fails to hear the call of Christ.

You see, Jesus calls to us each and everyday, at every moment. He is constantly calling , and inviting us to come closer, and have an individual experience of Him. This call goes beyond a matter of roles, and vocations. I’m not talking about a vocation to religious life, or the priesthood, or marriage. I am talking about how He calls you and I by name, He speaks to our very souls with an ardent and full desire to reach an intimate level relationship with Him, and for us to live that relationship in our daily lives. So why can’t we always hear it?

We can‘t hear it for the same reason as Pilate. Our everyday lives burden us down. We get so caught up in the day to day routine, our relationship with God often becomes the hour we give on Sundays. Being a bartender in many ways I am lucky, because the two things people love to talk about when they are drinking is religion and politics. Its amazing to watch people who sit at my bar, and talk about their lives, love, work, financial struggles, etc etc, who claim they aren’t religious…are often times the people who DO hear the call of the Lord, but they don’t realize that it is Him. They don’t realize that the reason they live the lives the way that they do, is because they have heard - and answered the call of Christ in their everyday lives.

How do we know that it’s Him calling? Jesus says in today’s Gospel, “I came to testify to the Truth, anyone who belongs to the Truth, hears my voice.” How do we live in the truth? It‘s not easy, because its not just the noise of our everyday lives that block the call of the Lord, it’s the rest of the world too. There are those of us who have been told by individuals along the way that our sexuality prevents us from answering that call, or that past choices and situations would make us unworthy. But we live in the TRUTH, and that truth is that we are members of this glorious Kingdom, and our King calls to us by name each and every moment of every day. How do we respond? By upholding the values we believe in when it is difficult. By being honest with our partners when it would be easier to dance around the facts. By challenging co workers on work matters when it would be easier to be complacent. But it all starts with acknowledging first and foremost…that Christ is our king, and our everyday lives are our testimony to that Kingdom.

Our liturgy is the example of perfect living in this kingdom. The sacrifice of the Mass, the Eucharist we share makes us a part of “the Christ Event”. It makes us present at the foot of the cross, when He laid down his life for us, for each and every one of us…personally. We then go out into the world, and carry His presence within us. He tells us at the last supper that His blood would be shed “for you and for all”. He says those words directly to you and I. He sheds his blood for us, and calls us by name - AS WE ARE.

As we receive from this altar today, and go back to the daily grind tomorrow, lets try to remember our membership in this Kingdom. Whatever our daily cycle is, let’s try to always live in the truth, weather it be at work, at a bar with a friend, or in our private lives with our partners, loved ones, and friends. We live in a very tangible world right now, but it’s HOW we live in this world that’s going to gain us entry into Christ our King’s tangible Kingdom in heaven. Let’s live in that truth - and not allow our daily lives, or the opinion of others to allow a “missed connection” between us and Christ our King. God Bless You.

Isn't It Funny

2009-11-20T08:02:00.000-08:00

As I sit here and write today's blog, I am looking at my suitcase packed and laying on my bed, ready to depart to Baltimore, where I will be Ordained a Deacon in the North American Old Catholic Church...the final step on my long and twisted road to the Priesthood. I cant help but let my mind wander and consider how I ended up here.

I can't help but think of the many people who have wandered in and out of my life, that effected my journey to this point. I think naturally of Father Bert, who first inspired me to pursue a Vocation to the Priesthood, and answer the call I felt in my heart. I think of the many priests in charge of my formation in Seminary...my Spiritual Director who has stood by my side, and heard countless confessions from me in the last 10 years. Naturally I can't help but think of those tough times in Seminary too. The days when I considered ditching the whole thing, because I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore.

Upon leaving I entered the world of the Bartender, a total and complete contrast to the life I had formally lived. I have served countless drinks to countless people. Some of whom brought out the priest in me, some became dear friends, come became lovers, and some were just nameless faces who I will never see again. In the years since I left, life started to become confusing, and seemingly empty, until when the time was right, things finally came together.

Thanksgiving is coming up and everybody starts to take stock. We all begin to evaluate our lives, and naturally begin to think about the many blessings we have in our lives. We acknowledge the wonderful gifts we sometimes take for granted. I think above all I have to be honest that the things I am most thankful for is my friends. It is my friends who have always forced me to be honest with myself, true to my values, and supportive of all the crazy ideas and pursuits I have come up with through the years.

In a few hours I will leave for Baltimore and on Sunday I will return a clergyman. All I can think of right now, is "isn't it funny", because when I got OFF the plane at TF Green five years ago, I never would have dreamed that I would someday see my dream become a reality. The events of the next few days are going to be the most significant in my life to date, only to be topped by when I am made a Priest, which will happen here in Providence, in full view of family and friends. I guess today all I can do is thank God, and my friends for the roles they have played...together...in bringing me to this day. Isn't it funny indeed....

Looking Past the Chairs

2009-11-02T14:39:00.000-08:00

In the episode of Desperate Housewives I watched today, they were showing how the Scavo family was attempting to open a Pizza place. Due to an ordering mix up, instead of dinning room chairs, 300 High Chairs arrived. The Scavos then spend the day hunting down donated chairs from various places. When Tom arrives for the grand opening he is furious about the random, unorganized chair situation. After the event is a huge success, Tom give his thank you speech which included the lines, "When I walked in and saw all the chairs I was upset because this project had been a failure. Now I see a room full of good friends, and people having fun...now I dont even see the chairs."

Often times in life we need to see past the chairs. We get so hung up on details. At Mass we always joke that if something doesn't go right, usually the ministers are the only ones who know. It was always the details that we would joke about amongst ourselves after the liturgy. Who stood at the wrong time, when the incense came out too early, etc etc. I was the worst of all often times. Every little roadblock that came up I would let slow me down more then I should have, because ultimately it wasn't that big of a deal.

I know I am the same way even now. We had a Halloween Costume Contest at work, and I got all stressed out about the small details of the event...Like where the contests were coming out from, and what song was playing etc etc, forgetting that I was dealing with a crowd of people who had been drinking all night, and odds are no detail would be appropriately met.

You see we do it all the time. When a tragedy strikes we can easily loose ourselves in the tragedy of the moment, and forget that we will get past it, and the next day is still going to come...with a whole new set of challenges. If we don't learn to "see past the chairs", we will drive ourselves insane. Life is far too short to handle it any other way.

Today is All Souls Day, a day when we remember all those in our lives who we have lost, especially in the last year. Those souls can certainly testify to the importance of "seeing past the chairs". If they could talk to us now, they would probably tell us that famous line we all have said, "If I knew then what I know now."

This year I watched a good friend of mine loose someone very close to him, and it made me start to think about how precious life is. We have to fully live every moment, without regret. We can't let the "chairs" slow us down...We certainly will trip on them, or stumble, but we pick ourselves up and learn from the mistake. We learn from those who have gone before us, and recognize that they held the role in our lives that they did for a reason. They sat in that particular chair for a reason.

And so today we remember our beloved dead. We acknowledge the lessons we learned from them and their lives. We resolve to "see past the chairs" in our own lives. Just consider, if we spent less time trying to control things that were beyond our control, how much easier, and happier life would be.

Rev. Bertrand N. Richman...Rest in Peace

Halloween

2009-10-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

This weekend the we celebrate what Miss Kitty Litter has always called, "The High Holy Days". Every club, across America, on different nights throws Halloween parties, "Costume Balls", "Monster Mashes" , whatever you want to call it. It's a time when children go from door to door, dressed as their favorite superhero, collecting candy and other treats. Its a time when adults have the freedom to act like children, and get all dressed up in costumes and go to parties. It's a time when girls can dress like whores and nobody can say anything about it, and when men can dress like women and nobody bats an eye.

What is it about Halloween that makes so many people get so much "in the spirit". Even I - who publicly hates Halloween, when the night comes and I am in a costume, and slingin drinks behind the bar - I somehow end up "getting into it".

It certainly provides a nice distraction from our everyday life. We can forget our worries, our fears, our stresses, and enjoy a night of pretty much mindless fun with our friends. It's an opportunity we don't often have in our everyday lives, to let loose without concern, and make fools of ourselves. On the deeper level we re-connect with the child in all of us. We return to the days when we didn't care what other people thought of us. We re-gain a certain amount of innocence because we let go of our pride, and return to the days when life was simple.

Maybe we need that in our lives more often. Maybe we need to more frequently step away from our dramatic lives and become kids again. Life is so complicated, and as we get older those complications only become more intricate. So everybody enjoy Halloween, and have fun being a kid again!! We all deserve it!

Eyes

2009-10-26T11:33:00.001-07:00

On Saturday afternoon I went out for lunch with a friend. While we were sitting there talking I looked into his eyes and was struck..he had the most beautiful eyes I had ever really noticed. As he talked I sort of phased out, and realized those eyes reflected more then just physical beauty, they reflected his inner beauty as well...his innocence, his charm, his humor, and his sincere kindness. After lunch I really started thinking about it, and realized you can tell almost everything about a person by their eyes.

As we age, we worry about the wrinkles around our eyes, or how they may begin to droop. We can tell when someone is drunk or in any way intoxicated by their eyes. Our eyes are a reflection of our years, our experience, our current state of mind, and the countless experiences they have seen through the years.

The Gospel this weekend tells the story of the man named Bartimaus, who is on the roadside begging. He cries out to Jesus asking Him to have pity on Him. The end of the passage reads, ;
"Jesus said to him in reply, "What do you want me to do for you?"
The blind man replied to him, "Master, I want to see."
Jesus told him, "Go your way; your faith has saved you."
Immediately he received his sight
and followed him on the way."

The only thing this man wanted in return was his sight. Our sight, our eyes, are so key to our human experience. It's how we take in the world. It's in many ways the first step to many judgments and decisions we make each day. It's the second step that is so important, and that is how we process what those eyes take in. There was a wonderful quote on Desperate Housewives, spoken by Mary Alice. Mary Alice is one of a group of women who are friends living on the same street. Mary Alice takes her own life in the first episode and narrates the series from Heaven, as she looks down on her friends living their daily lives.

"An odd thing happens when we die, our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory, but our sight? Ah, our sight expands and we can suddenly see the world we left behind so clearly. Of course most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living, if they would only take the time to look."

Lets all open our eyes...REALLY open our lives, and truly see the love in our lives that we are missing, the opportunities we are neglecting, the judgments we made too hastily, and the pain we may be causing without even knowing.

Roots

2009-10-19T12:16:00.000-07:00

Today is October 19th, and 46 years ago today, a man a woman stood before God, His Church, and their family and friends and committed themselves to living the rest of their lives as husband and wife. The commitment to marriage is no small one, and it certainly creates many challenges for those who enter such a covenant. On this day 46 years ago, my parents started something they would never be able to imagine would grow into what it has....a family.

We certainly would never become the Waltons, or the Brady Bunch, where everything is delightful and lovely, and everybody have the perfect relationship. Then again, nobody does...no family does. As our family grew and developed many relationships grew strong, and some were subsequently dissolved, but the fact remains that weather we like it or not, we are a family. We share a common name...we aren't the Bradys, or the Waltons, we're the Martins. And that is more then "just a name", it's my roots, it's what makes me who I am.

What’s in a name? We can often tell a lot about a situation just by the way someone says our name. Growing up, I remember when my mother called me by my first and middle name, I knew I was in trouble. Different nicknames we earn along the way are often the result of another persons affection…or lack thereof. When we are Baptized, the priest formally asks, “what name do you give this child?”. At our Confirmation, we are asked to claim a name with which to be Confirmed. When we get married, we take the last name of our spouse to formalize the union in which we enter. Do we ever consider however, what name does God call us by?

Indeed God calls each and every one of us, without exception to live good and decent lives, and live that life as a testimony to Him and His Church, to different degrees. But when He calls us, what is His tone? How does He call our name?

Choosing a name for a child is obviously very much a beginning. We, at the Church of the Holy Paraclete, after prayer and conversation, have decided that we are going to enter a “Year of New Beginnings.” To spend the next year reflecting, praying, and working towards recognizing, and answering God’s unique call to each and every one of us. In this year we will work, as a community to identify, and respond to that individual call God places to each of us in our lives.

It is therefore all together appropriate that we begin this journey on All Saints Day, when the Church celebrates the men and women throughout the centuries who heard that call, and answered it with their whole hearts.

We have officially entered Autumn, a season of change, both in the leaves, the weather, and why not our very hearts. Our parish is brand new, and our clergy are all undergoing changes, not only to their names, but new beginnings. These changes are new beginnings in our ministry, in our souls, and in our everyday lives.

In the coming year our Parish will begin to aggressively insert itself into the local community in various forms of ministry, all of which will require not only support in terms of presence, but also prayer. As we enter this year of New Beginnings let us do so with an open heart. Let’s pray that in this discernment each and every one of us will hear the call of God in our hearts, and answer it whole heartedly. Let’s pray that we will hear God calling us by name, by that unique name whose tone speaks directly to our soul, and more importantly…may we have the fortitude live the answer to that call in our homes, our workplace, and our social circles. Let’s each and everyone of us build that individual relationship with the Lord, to which He invites us. The sacraments serve as a strengthening and bold reminder of His presence in our lives, this year we pray that we will live those sacraments and by doing so, bring the Lord to others.

One Hit A Week

2009-10-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

The other night at work we were watching the baseball game, and a customer at the bar said, "Did you know that the only difference between a regular batter, and an all star is one hit a week, if you do out all the math. Sounds like life doesn't it?" The customer had effectively stopped me right in my tracks.

Throughout history there are tales of regular men and women who went against the tide, and grabbed that one more hit a week. Today many have the day off from work due to Christopher Columbas having that same dream. The rest of the world said the world was flat, and he debated it, and proved everyone wrong with his resulting discovery. That discovery grew, and today we stand as a nation that boasts of freedom, hope, and liberty.

Last night I took the first step to be a religious leader in the Catholic Church. Not the ROMAN Catholic Church, but the North American Old Catholic Church. I pray that this opportunity will provide a chance for me to make that extra hit a week. To make a difference in peoples lives, and to bring people back to Christ and His Church who had walked away because they felt un-welcome, and ever since lost that piece of themselves that they have had since the beginning of their lives. In MY life, that was extra hit. It was a step closer to something I have dreamed of all my life. A small step to be sure, however in that same ceremony, I watched two men take vows to the Church to become Religious Brothers. Most importantly, I watched my classmate from High School be Ordained a Priest. Not just a priest, but he is now the Pastor of MY parish and the shepherd of souls, to a community that thirsts for one. Big hits for all involved.

President Obama landed an extra hit this week, in his speech that the Human Rights Campaigns national dinner. He addressed a crowd of people whose daily lives are effected by the laws that govern the GLBT community. After referencing Stonewall he said, "That’s the story of America: of ordinary citizens organizing, agitating and advocating for change; of hope stronger than hate; of love more powerful than any insult or injury; of Americans fighting to build for themselves and their families a nation in which no one is a second-class citizen, in which no one is denied their basic rights, in which all of us are free to live and love as we see fit."

Christopher Columbas held a dream in his heart and set sail across unknown waters to prove his belief to the rest of the world. An everyday guy, who went for that extra hit. The President last night spoke words that provided comfort to us, as Gay Americans, that we should take comfort in the fact that the administration that governs our nation has not forgotten the basic, God given right of equality, that we all share. And on a local level, last night the community in Providence...the larger community, including gays, straight, the divorced, and anyone else who feels abandoned by God and His Church, was reminded by Bishop Michael that God has not abandoned us, and that He never will.

That everyday American about whom Obama spoke, Christopher Columbas who was viewed as a fool by so many, and each and every one of us, who everyday make choices, and decisions that may be challenged by others...we work daily to make some kind of a difference, regardless of how small. Sometimes that difference is made in the work place, in our relationships, or more dramatically in activism. However it happens, we never know what difference we are making in someones life by the simple words we say, the things we do, or the simple actions we take.

The bottom line is, weather we know it or not, each and everyday we try for that extra hit, and every day we manage to get it, and sometimes we don't even realize it. You see, becoming an 'All Star" and getting that extra hit a week isn't always just a BIG thing. The extra hit isn't always the President fighting for gay rights, or a dreamer discovering a nation the rest of the world said wasn't there, or a Bishop speaking out in the face of those who would dispute him. The extra hit is sometimes the comfort of a friend, the kiss of a lover, or when we make someone else feel that we care. Big changes only happen when an everyday person is inspired, and that inspiration often comes from the most unexpected places.

We never know what our actions will do to inspire the next "all star". To live life in the nation that the President described, and that Columbas discovered is not a responsibility of Obama alone. The big changes start on the smallest level. I would be willing to bet that Obama would not be President, the Pope would not be the Pope, our Religious, and civil leaders would not be who they are if it were not for the encouragement, support and suggestion of others. Essentially, you don't have to bat for the Major Leagues to have a shot at being an All Star. I am certain that the President, Pope, and the other leaders in our world would testify that it is only due to the innocent comment of someone unseen by us, that they ended up who and where they are. . . and today all these people are touching the lives of the everyday person, like you and me.

The President spoke last night about the fear of a young gay man, who is scared to come out of the closet;

"Tonight, somewhere in America, a young person, let’s say a young man, will struggle to fall to sleep, wrestling alone with a secret he’s held as long as he can remember. Soon, perhaps, he will decide it’s time to let that secret out. What happens next depends on him, his family, as well as his friends and his teachers and his community. But it also depends on us — on the kind of society we engender, the kind of future we build."

That future is built by US. The everyday person. The Minor Leauge batters, who just might...JUST MIGHT...land that hit, that makes a difference...and the difference they make might make us an All Star. You see, a community is made up of its members, so our communities are only going to be as strong as those members. Lets be a strong one!

The Book and It's Cover

2009-10-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

I learned a very good lesson this week, that is by no means a shocking revelation to anyone. You really and truly can't judge a book by it's cover. While it's true that a book with a more appealing cover is going to draw more attention on the shelf, that says nothing of the quality of the book. By the same token a book that may sit and collect dust due to a bland cover that attracts no attention, may hold the most brilliant literary art of our time.

You see I learned that sometimes I don't give people the credit they are due. As you all know I have recently decided to accept the invitation of the National Old Catholic Church to become a priest, which I thought was going to horrify my Roman Catholic friends. Some of them are less then pleased, thinking that I have turned my back on the truth in favor of an "easy out" with a Church that accepts my Homosexuality, and still welcomes me in their life of ministry. Some who I was most concerned about however instead responded with not only support but congratulations for my decision. Another person in my life, who I had formerly decided on a certain opinion has recently proven me very wrong, by turning out to be not only a very well adjusted individual, but in fact someone that people should look up to for his loyalty, maturity, and compassion.

I am ashamed of myself for pre-judging people for a few reasons. Between my life in ministry and my work behind the bar, I have been proven wrong time and time again about judgments I have made about other people. The gay community is a small one, especially in this town, and many times there have been people who everyone refers to as "a mess" and then after getting to know them a bit I realize they are not in fact a mess at all...and anyone who has run into me at last call could easily say the same of me.

You see sometimes we forget that people are made up of a lot more then the situation we see them in. They have lives that have their own unique stresses. They have backgrounds that have shaped their attitudes and personalities. Most importantly they have a certain edge, or personality that they display in public, that is not not necessarily who they really are. They have lives that necessitate maintaining a certain public opinion that may not reflect how they really feel, or who they really are.

The bottom line is that we cannot make a decision about a person before we give them a chance. We can't assume that a person is going to feel a certain way about something, before we give them them a chance and tell them about it. I know for a fact that Im not alone in this weakness, we all do it. The question that comes to my mind is why?

I think that it's because in our lives we all experience so much betrayal and hurt that we naturally build walls around ourselves to keep us safe. We learn from being hurt, and make sure that it never happens again. That part is natural, the problem is it stretches into the rest of our lives, and being defensive turns into being pessimistic. We begin to assume that people are going to hurt us, or be against us. We never get past face value. Just as we build our walls, and have our defenses so does everybody else, and sometimes we forget that. Just think, if everybody only operated inside our little bubbles, what kind of shallow, phony universe would we live in?

There's no easy answer, and we are all going to always be careful to not allow ourselves to be hurt, or challenged. However, maybe we all need to let the guard down a little bit. If we open ourselves up a little bit more to the rest of the world, we will be shocked at the good that will come from it, the friendships that will deepen, and the support we will receive from places we didn't expect because we didn't give them enough credit.

Beer and Brothers

2009-10-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

Last night was a Saturday night, which in my world is typically filled with the hustle and bustle of work. My brother and his girlfriend were in from New Hampshire, and I decided to take the night off so I could spend time with them. The evening was a major turning point for me.

As my faithful readers know I come from a unique family situation. The family was already raised, at the time of my birth the brother closest to me in age was already 12. My being so far in age was always an issue for me. My siblings and I didn't grow up together, and I always felt like "the kid" in their presence. Last night however, for the first time, it was different.

Michael, his girlfriend, and I sat and had dinner, like adults. We sat and laughed, and I talked about what was going on in my life. Now that I think about it, I was kind of selfish as I didn't really ask about what was new with him. We went bar hopping afterwards, and with each beer I felt more and more glad that I had taken the night off. We ended up at my work, where I was able to introduce him to almost all of my friends, it was a wonderful evening.

What does it take to make you feel like an adult, in the presence of those who could easily consider you a child? What makes us an adult in general? It certainly is about more then turning 18, or even 21. Among my priest friends I was the seminarian studying to one day achieve the goal that they were living. When I left, I felt like the lowly bartender trying to get his life together, while they looked on and offered advice, help whenever they could, and a shoulder to cry on when I failed. Yet I could never look at them and feel like an equal, like a peer. With my family it was the same. I always felt that when I talked I was justifying whatever was going on in my life, offering explanations to people who were higher on life's ladder then I was, and they always would be. Last night was so different.

Maybe it's a mix of things. Part of it was it was nice to hear people saying to him what I always heard about him growing up. Whenever people learned that he, or Steve is my brother they would say, "your brother's a great guy." We grew up in a small town, where everybody knew my dad, and my brothers were talented musicians whose abilities were well known. As I got older I would hear them laugh about "the old days" and share various memories that I wasn't around for. Last night they were able to see me as a grown adult. They met my friends, and boss, and customers, who were all very gracious and said things to HIM like, "your brother's a great guy". "We love it when he's working." I also sat and told him about exciting things in my life that are happening. Not what could happen, or what I want to happen, or what I hope will happen.

The words of Adam, upon the creation of Eve ring very true to me today. "This is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh." This is my brother. We are both adults, and we are both Martins. We talked last night about my other brother who couldn't join us, and my father. We talked about the many similarities we all have. Upon further reflection I realized we certainly are "bone of the same bone". We all have a similar laugh, we certainly have the same hair line issues, but more then that we have the same character. We are all strong willed, sometimes to the point of being stubborn. We are all men of deep faith, in different ways. We strongly believe in what is right and wrong. We believe in service, them to our country, me to the Church, and our father to both.

There have been so many bumps along the way, as I'm sure we could all say the same, in our family. There are many wounds. Some that have healed, and some that never will, but those that have I am glad for. No family is perfect. Many have heard me say that your family doesn't necessarily have anything to do with bloodlines, or legal terms. However there is something to be said for brothers. There is something to be said for two men who lived such different lives, yet somehow turned out very much alike. Michael is the family member who through the years I have spent the least time with, and yet he is the one to whom I feel the closest.

Last night was a delightful evening, and the hangover today is every bit worth it. When are we adults? When we can evaluate our lives and admit where we made mistakes, and acknowledge the truth of the events that have unfolded. The second Reading today talks about how Jesus, although He is God, is our brother, as we all have God as our father. The last line of the reading says, "He who consecrates and those who are being consecrated all have one origin. Therefore, he is not ashamed to call them “brothers.” We all have our birth family, and it is structured around titles that are relative to our origin. We are bone of the same bone, and flesh of the same flesh. In all of our lives those roles play out differently, and that's ok, because after years have gone by, you can sit as two adults, have a few beers and a few shots, and relish each others happiness.

Saint Therese

2009-10-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

When I was a child growing up, my parents devoutly took me to Church every weekend. Our Church was very small and humble, and didn't have very many statues inside. However the one that always stood in a place of honor at the back of the Church was our Parish patron, Therese of Lisieux.

She was a simple french girl, born into a family that had no shortage of drama, and trials and tribulations. She became a nun the very second the Bishop would allow, as she petitioned to enter at the age of only 15. She lived only til the age of 24, having died of Tuberculosis. Though her suffering was great, she never uttered a word of complaint. Today, among other things she is the patron of the Missions, and people who are living with AIDS.

The determination demonstrated by this young girl is undoubtedly an inspiration to all. Gaining entry into Religious Life is no easy task, but Therese at such a young age was determined to start her life of ministry as soon as possible. Her personal writings document her struggles living in community, her frustration with fellow nuns, and her pain and suffering from her illness. In 1997 the writings of this silent suffering servant resulted in the Church bestowing on her the title of 'Doctor of the Church', a title that has only been given to 33 people.

Lord knows there are many lessons I could take from her life and ministry. My sufferings are far from silent, and mny frustrations with others are rarely kept quiet either. Her determination however, is the quality I most hope to perfect. The best things in life require patience, determination, and sacrifice, but are worth every step. When I would complain while I was in Seminary, Priest friends would encourage me by saying once I reached my goal of Ordination to the Priesthood I would see that it was worth every suffering.

I guess at certain junctures in life we make a choice, we decide if the ends justifies the means. We decide if at this time in our lives, is the goal worth all the hard work. The danger is that we end up complacent. Too often we settle for less then we should, because it's easier that way. That's how so many people on the road to a "career" end up "stuck in a job" instead, because it's easier to tred water then to swim upstream. That's how so many people end up in relationships that are unhealthy, because it's easier to stay then to leave. That's how so often we may fail to speak up against things we disagree with, because it's easier to remain silent then to cause some waves.

How many movements in our nation and world would've died in their first moments if people had bought into that complacency. The gay rights movement, the end of segregation, the liberation of women, indeed our nation's very independence, were all movements that began with a small ripple and grew into historical movements that changed the lives of so many.

The determination of that little girl in Lisieux is certainly an inspiration to all. In our personal lives, and as a nation, we must never loose our determination. Maybe we never really reach an end goal, because when we do, there should be yet a further one. As Barack Obama said the night he won the Presidency, "This victory alone is not the change we seek, it's only the chance to make that change."

2009-09-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday while walking through Six Flags, a friend of mine received that phone call that no one ever wants to get. A dear friend, and former lover of his had passed away...at only 24 years old. A young man who was full of life, love, and ignited a room with his personality. As the day and evening moved along, word began to spread. His friends were naturally shocked, and undoubtedly today the reality of this horrific situation has certainly started to settle in.

Although I personally didn't really know him , I do know the impact his passing has made on my friends. It has made me think a lot about life. I have had extensive experience with death in my life. That experience includes family members, a priest friend who meant the world to me, and strangers I never knew at whose caskets I offered prayers and words of consolation to mourning family members while I was in Seminary. My ministry in the Office of Catholic Cemeteries resulted in my involvement in more burials then I can count. No one's passing however has ever made me really stop and think.

I think that we sometimes forget that we are not invincible. We forget the fragile nature of our lives. We let things get to us, and stress us out, that at the end of the day don't matter. We waste energy being upset about things that perhaps are not as important as we think they are in the moment.

When I was in Seminary I remember offering words of consolation. Words that came from a deep rooted, sincere faith in God and Heaven, and everlasting life. Those sentiments however do not take away the pain of those who mourn their loved one's passing. Those sentiments do not bring back the person that has been lost.

Our lives our short...in the end we have no idea how short. So we need to live everyday to it's fullest. We never know the impact we have on other people, and we never realize the impact other people have on us until it's too late. To my friends who mourn his passing, I offer my condolences, and prayers. I also remind you to carry him always in your heart, and live the lessons you learned from his friendship. To all my readers, and to myself, I can only say that we have no idea how much time we have, so don't waste any of it.

Pilgrims

2009-09-05T12:14:00.001-07:00

Bishop Tobin, in his weekly reflection, this week discusses Archbishop Rembert Weakland's Memoirs entitled "A Pilgrim in a Pilgrim Church". Archbishop Weakland made somewhat of a name for himself when in the height of the Church Sex Scandel his own sexual transgressions with a youngster came to light, as well as the cover up that followed it. His book concludes with, "My story now comes to an end . . . Like all the other tales of human pilgrimage it must end with a fervent prayer for God’s gracious love and mercy on such a flawed but grateful pilgrim"

The quote reminded me of similar words heard spoken only a week ago by Senator Ted Kennedy to the Pope. The text of the letter was made public at the final commendation ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery. In the letter he informs the Pontiff that he is dying of Cancer, and informs him of his stance on so many issues. He writes, "I want you to know, your Holiness, that in my 50 years of elected office I have done my best to champion the rights of the poor and open doors of economic opportunity. I’ve worked to welcome the immigrant, to fight discrimination and expand access to health care and education. I’ve opposed the death penalty and fought to end war."

The final paragraphs of his letter admit that although he has not been perfect, his faith has always been his rock, and center. When those words were read I thought they could be the words of any of us who are believers, as none of us have made the journey perfectly. The Archbishop is right, we really are all Pilgrims.

This year I turned 28, and I thought recently about when I was kid, I remember going to New York to celebrate my Brother-In-Law's 30th Birthday. He was quite the man in my eyes. A successful finance worker, with the body of a body builder. He lived in a gorgeous, spacious two bedroom apartment in Hoboken NJ. When you stood on his deck you looked at the Manhattan skyline. He took my sister to the nicest restaurants, wore nice suits, and was all around impressive. At least he impressed me! Then again I was just a kid. I remember thinking, that's what life had in store for all of us, as we got older we would naturally just get better and better.

Who's to say what age we have to be to reach certain marks in our pilgrim journey. Had I remained in the Seminary, this summer would have marked my two year anniversary of being a priest. The day of my class's Ordination to the Sacred Priesthood I attended. I put on my finest suit, and went to the Cathedral to sit and watch them achieve the dream that I had held in my heart and soul my entire life. At the Cathedral I watched with a joyful pride for my classmates and their momentous accomplishment. However in private, I cried. I cried a lot. What road was the right one to turn down for this Pilgrim if that was not the one?

One thing is for certain, life is not easy. For lack of a better word, it frankly sucks. No matter what choices we make we can never please everyone, we are always hurting someone, and when one challenge is overcome, there is another one to immediately follow. When I was in Seminary I thought when times got tough it was God's way of telling me that I was on the wrong track...now I see that is not the case at all, nobody has it easy. There are those people who we think do have it easy, but they face challenges and troubles too, we just will never know them. On the backside of every lovely and beautiful tapestry is hidden the knots, loose strings, and ties that make it up.

So how do we measure the success of our individual pilgrimage? Ted Kennedy's letter to the Pontiff highlighted his accomplishments, no doubt those things contributed to his end of life evaluation. The Archbishop, although he ends his text with words of prayer for mercy, he notes that he is a "grateful" pilgrim, for the many blessings and fortunes he had along the way. Clearly a man who feels there has been success somewhere along the twisted roads he traveled.

What strikes me also is the response that came from Rome. His response came from one of the Holy Father's assistants, in which he said; the pope got your letter, he is sad you are sick, he prays you are consoled, Mary loves you. If I were Ted that response would have been a deep disappointment. When I was a boy, maybe in the fourth grade, I wrote a letter to the Pope. In this letter I boasted of my aspirations to be a priest, shared my pride in my father's life of ministry as a Deacon, and asked him to pray for me. I told him about how I had watch World Youth Day on TV and one day hoped to attend. I later received a letter in return, which came from a Papal Assistant. It infromed me that; the pope got your letter, he's glad you want to be a priest, he prays you remain faithful to your goal of being a priest, Mary loves you.

The response is not much different then that of Ted's. To a fourth grader that response meant the world! I had a letter from the pope. As I got older I eventually came to realize that it was the same generic response everyone gets who sends a letter to the Supreme Pontiff. I certainly understand the reality of the situation, the Pope's concern about greater things, etc etc. However I find it to be ironic, and at 28 years old, I find so often when I turn to the God who I trust and believe so deeply in. . . I am still getting the same flat generic response; I got your prayer, stay strong, Mary loves you.

There comes a point in the Pilgrim journey when we need some kind of a break, where something's gotta give. There comes a point in life when we all begin to wonder when the roadblocks, speed bumps, and stop signs are going to pay off. I guess this is written by the hand of a frustrated pilgrim. However we keep going, despite the weariness. We utilize the rest stops along the way, and then gather it together and keep going. We keep going towards that end that we don't even know. We have our hopes and dreams of what that end will be but we won't find out until we get there.

Legacies

2009-08-11T04:50:00.001-07:00

Today the Nation mourns the loss of Eunice Kennedy Shriver, sister to President John F Kennedy, Senator and Presidential hopeful Robert Kennedy, and Senator Ted Kennedy. Arguably the most influential family in America, the Kennedys have had no shortage of criticism, press, and trials in their time. The scandal surrounding this great American Camelot has been present from the very beginning. A fact that was fore-known by the girlfriend of first born, Joe Kennedy Jr., who was refused a romantic relationship because the family was far "too active" for her to marry into. Clearly she saw from the beginning the threat of constant drama and invasion from the press.

Sister Patricia was perhaps the one Kennedy sibling who lived a life of somewhat quiet reserve, marrying and having her four children. Besides the infamous fates of John and Bobby, the others lives were no quieter. Joe, who died at 29 as a war hero over the shores of England. After shocking her family by marrying a Protestant Royalty, Kathleen (Kick) Kennedy faced scrutiny when, recently widowed, she died in a plane crash with a new lover. Perhaps the most devastating Kennedy tale of all is that of Rosemary, who was a victim of a lobotomy which her father had procured for her at an early age. This resulted in her living in an institution until her death at 87 years old.

Indeed it would seem the Kennedy gene guarantee either length of life, or death by tragedy, or in Rosemary's case: both. As we all know the clouds surrounding the Kennedy name did not disperse with this generation. What followed was generation after generation of politicians, marital scandals and infidelities, and no shortage of legal escapades including everything from attempted murder to rape.

Joe Kennedy Sr., the patriarch of this complex, political monster was perhaps the first seed of drama from which this tree sprang. A millionaire by this 30s, he died at 82, practically a cripple, but the 50 years in between were a testimony to determination. He became friends with President Roosovelt, and Pope Pius XII (prior to his election as Pontiff). Perhaps he would have lived to see his dream come true of holding the highest nation in the land, had he not slaughtered his own political career with his famous "Democracy is dead in England" quote during the second World War. He was heavily criticized for his perceived antisemitism, and finally suffered a stroke, just prior to the beginning of the chain of assassinations that would rock the nation in the 1960's.

God called Moses to lead His people out of slavery to the "Promised Land." Due to incidents along the way, 40 years later he is forbidden to enter, but allowed to see it from the precipice. In today's First Reading at Mass he cries. “I am now one hundred and twenty years old and am no longer able to move about freely; besides, the LORD has told me that I shall not cross this Jordan." He hands on the legacy of this great mission to Joshua, and would die after gazing over the land which he had so treasured. He warns the people to be obedient to Joshua, and to Joshua he warns, "Be brave and steadfast, for you must bring this people into the land which the LORD swore to their fathers he would give them; you must put them in possession of their heritage."

Moses reminds Joshua that it is no small task which he inherits, but rather the fate of a nation. Joe Kennedy stood at the precipice over his Promised Land too. When he realized he would not cross that line his hopes fell to his children. First Joe Jr., who subsequently died, then to John, who of course we all know was the only Kennedy to make it all the way to that office. Each member of this generation, despite their failures, scandals, or infidelities, have just as much victory behind them. Eunice, who we mourn today was the co-founder of the Special Olympics, which started in memory of her fallen sister Rose. Many served the nation as Senators or Ambassadors. As history unfolded and this legacy crumbled it is no doubt that Joe looked on from heaven with a heavy heart, as no doubt did Moses.

We are all led to the edge of our dreams, and we only go so far. What happens next? What's our role? What goals will we reach, and what legacy will we hand on to others. Moses lacked the certainty that Joe Kennedy had. When God called Moses he tried to refuse, he argued that he was not very intelligent or articulate, that he would be a poor choice for this mission. Joshua indeed led the Jews to their promised freedom in the promised land, and then leader after leader had to bring the battle for the mission of faith to where we are today. So too was Joseph Kennedy a carrier of the dream of his father Patrick, and he of his father. What mission do we take part in? What legacy will we leave behind? Which Kennedy will we be? The one who leaves the world surrounded by scandal and inquiry, or the one who leaves in triumph, having made our mark on the world, despite our own faults and failures. This is the legacy and challange that befalls each of us, and that we struggle to achieve everyday.

Birds of a Feather

2009-08-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever owned a Jeep Wrangler? Or ridden in the passenger seat of one? There is no better demonstration of the saying "birds of a feather flock together" then that. I have found that Wrangler drivers find it necessary to acknowledge fellow drivers of the same vehicle to blow the horn, or wave, or somehow acknowledge one another on the road. It's amusing to be certain. Today walking home from the grocery store, a fellow bald man chose to stop me (this was not he first occurrence of this nature) and comment on our common hairstyle...or lack thereof.

These are not uncommon situations. A basic part of our humanity is to rely on similarities with other sin many situations. When I was in Seminary we had common areas of the house, designed to encourage fraternization among fellow Seminarians. It built a sense of community among men who were all going through the same experience, who shared common struggles, and who rejoiced over common victories. It is the same in a Military barracks. For that matter it is the same around the water cooler in an office building. We naturally gravitate towards people with whom we share something in common. In the more serious situations we do so for support.

It is for this reason that Addiction Recovery Programs encourage the community angle of their programs. Support groups for widows, gays, the crippled, the elderly, etc etc are all based on the concept of a community driven effort to work together towards a common goal. These are all well and good, but what do we do when the comfort of others is not enough?

In the First Reading at Mass today, we hear the plight of the Israelites who are walking with Moses through the desert on their 40 year trek to the promised land. They cry and wail about the lack of food, and God send Manna from heaven, a basic bread, to satisfy their needs. God sees in this community that fellowship alone is not going to be enough, so He provides more, but no more then is necessary. The cast of vagabonds are only allowd to retain each day what is required for that meal, and no more, as a demonstration of faith that God will provide more when they need it.

If I were walking with the Israelites I would have not found this to be an acceptable compromise. I would not want to play games. In that setting I am not thinking about faith, I am thinking about realistic concerns that face me on a day to day basis, that must be met. I have needs that must be satisfied. I have a drive for the future that must be acknowledged. To me, Gods answer to my cry from the depths of despair would be viewed as Him playing games. Just give me something to eat without stipulations. Just get me to the Promised Land without delay. Just acknowledge the fact that I am putting my faith in you...and let that be enough.

Today I write this blog with that temperament. It is so easy to loose faith sometimes. Not only in god but in Justice itself. In the very natural order of the universe. The bottom line for us so often is, "look...I cant take anymore." When we offer up this prayer we are told that God will provide exactly what we need, and not a crumb more. In the case of the Israelites it means that He will govern the distribution of the bread from Heaven. In the case of the ambitious it is that He will not grant that promotion. In the case of the "underemployed" he will not provide that raise, those few cents that they don' t necessarily NEED, if they eliminate every cent of excess money that they spend.

The Israelites were God's "Chosen People", so why then did He force them to endure so much torture? Why not just give them all the food they need? Why not provide I faster means of transportation across the desert? Do we really have to suffer every step of the way? Apparently we do. Apparently it is the shoulder of others that we have to rely on. Evidently the tiny droplets of water that God offers when we are on the cusp of dying of thirst and total dehydration, have to be enough to quench our thirst.

Why does God play these games? Perhaps we will never know. Perhaps we will find all out answers in our experiences with others, or upon our own internalization. The bottom line is, while it is true that Birds of a Feather flock together, it is only God who gave them the ability to fly. It is also only God who can provide the sky in which that gift can be expressed.

Martha

2009-07-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

The Gospel today at Mass tells the story of Martha and Mary. They were sisters, and they and their brother Lazarus were good friends of Jesus. The story in todays Gospel tells of a time when Jesus came to visit. Many friends had been invited over. The two sisters behaved quite differently. Mary sat at Jesus' feet to hear what He had to say, while Martha ran around the house getting things ready, cleaning, and being a good host. She quickly got angry that Mary was not doing the same;

“Lord, do you not care
that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving?
Tell her to help me.”
The Lord said to her in reply,
“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things.
There is need of only one thing.
Mary has chosen the better part
and it will not be taken from her.”

We all can relate to Martha. We spend our days and nights so busy...we work towards our goals, we try to reach our dreams, and we look at other people who are just sitting there, not doing anything, and victory seems to be theirs. Even Jesus tells Martha, "Mary has chosen the better part." Jesus sides with the lazy one, the one who just sits there and success comes to her. He favors the one who just seems to ride wave of life, and the good fortune that fate seems to have dealt her. Yes, Martha is "worried about many things", much like you and I. Life is not easy is it? In fact it's damn hard. We have our dreams, and hopes, and everyday smacking us in the face is reality. We have bills to pay, jobs to maintain and excel at, relationships to foster, lovers to satisfy, and friendships to hold on to. On top of that we have the surprises that come along; car problems, broken phones, banking mistakes, leaky roofs, flooded basements, and everything in between. Parents have children who get sick, it seems to be just endless.

So why does Jesus side with Mary, who seemingly has nothing to worry about. He is making a statement, that to sit at His feet is the better part. Mary has chosen to sit and hear the words of the Savior rather then run around the house trying to be hospitable. At the end of the day, to hear the words of life from the mouth of the Lord is much more meaningful then the petty worldly concerns that Martha has committed herself to.

When I was in Seminary this message is exactly what I would have proclaimed from the pulpit. That we allow ourselves to become slaves to the world, when what matters is the life to come with the Lord. Today however that message is different. Now that I live in the real world, I think that any man who trys to tell me that from a pulpit has alot of nerve, because frankly...life is not that easy.

What the story does not tell however is what Mary did in the background. I presume that she did her share before Jesus arrived, and then just put the rest in His hands. You see, there comes a point where we have done all that we can. There's a point when we just can't do anymore. We have worked as hard as we can to reach our goals, we do the best we can at work, we deal with each challenge that comes along with as much dignity and strength as we possibly can. . . and we have to put the rest in the hands of something bigger then ourselves. I call it God, some call it fate, some call it hope.

We have to draw strength from the areas we have gotten right. We have to lean on our partners who we love more then anything, on our friends who we are proud to have in our lives, and on the successes that we have managed to get under our belts. You see, in the story Martha went wrong because she stopped working. Jesus didn't tell Martha to settle down, or call her out on her business. She stopped. She stopped what she was doing and tried to get Jesus to see her frustration. She stopped working so she could point the finger at someone else who seemingly wasn't pulling her load.

Mary chose the better part, because she did the best she could, and then let it rest. May we all take the lesson from the story of Martha and Mary. We need to stop worrying about everybody else. We can't compare ourselves to other people. We can only do our very best, armed with the love of those who support us, and the lessons we have already learned, once we do our very best, we will be amazed at the fruits of our labor.

Come Away and Rest

2009-07-18T16:03:00.000-07:00

This week in the Gospel, Jesus invites his followers "Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while." I have decided to heed that advice by taking a few days off from work. As I begin my gradual escape from the city, I do so with a spirit of contemplation, and a light heart.

What is it about Birthdays that makes us so excited? Maybe it's the victory that we feel inside for surviving another year. Maybe it's the joy of having something to celebrate in a life that is filled with so many challenges, disappointments, and struggles. Maybe it gives us a chance to stop thinking about ourselves, and focus on someone else, even if it's just for a day.

Birthdays are always a time to think. A time to celebrate the accomplishments of the last year...no matter how small. It's a time to think about the impact we have had on others, and a time to set goals for the year to come.

My 25th birthday was celebrated in the company of good friends, in the Eternal City of Rome. I remember standing on the roof of the Minerva Hotel, and looking out over the city of Rome, I whispered a silent prayer to God. A prayer that will only be answered in God's time. It's like that silent unspoken wish that we make when we blow out the candles on the birthday cake. God did answer a part of that prayer, in Joshua.

Today Joshua blows out the candles on his cake. He utters those silent prayers and supplications to God. He wishes for all the blessings and opportunities that God has in store for him this year. Happy Birthday Joshua. I pray that all of your dreams and wishes come true. Thank you for making one of my wishes come true, and I pray that this is the first of many birthdays that we will celebrate together. As they say in Latin, "Ad Multos Gloriosque Anos!!"

Goodbyes

2009-07-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever said goodbye to a friend? We all have. There are any number of reasons why a friend leaves a fold, to return home, to move away from home, work, or just a need for change, whatever the reason is...we have all had that moment, that TV sitcom moment where we hug a friend, and realize we have no idea when we will see them again. That moment when some sappy song plays in our head as various moments and memories pass through our minds, of that person through the years as we say goodbye.

This weekend the Providence Community says goodbye to someone who has become one of our own. Ty. I think until the onset of Facebook, many people didn't even know his last name. He was simply, "Ty", and we all knew him. We all have memories with Ty, and I would wager that we could each write an entire blog filled memories of times with Ty. I personally have many such memories. Those memories range from Downtown Providence, to the Beach, Randolf Country Club, Twin River, Parties, Restaurants, and everything in between. To me he was a very special friend, who I know I will miss dearly. That's why I wanted to write a blog about him. You see, Ty is one of my best friends...and he is one of the few people in the world about whom many people can say that. For most of us, our friendships with Ty began over a cocktail, and a lot of laughs. For nearly all of us, it grew into more then that.

We all joke about each other all the time, when one of us has too much to drink. We like to point fingers at each other about someone being "a drunken mess", or what have you...well we have all been there...and one of the joys of Ty is that he is always the first person to laugh at himself, and if he laughs at you, he's usually sitting with you, and your laughing along with him. That's not because he thinks life is a joke, it's because he realizes that so much of our lives is dark, and heavy, and stressful...so let's look on the lighter side whenever we possibly can.

It is all together appropriate that the Gospel this coming weekend talks about Jesus sending the Disciples out into the world, to spread the Christian message, and further the spread of the Gospel. He instructs them to go out into the world, with no money, armed with nothing but their faith. His instructions to them are clear, "Wherever you go, enter a house, stay there until you leave. Whatever place does not welcome you or listen to you, leave there and shake the dust off your feet in testimony against them."

Ty carries with him the message of Christ everywhere he goes. The message of Christ is unconditional love, and he carries nothing but love, in his smile, his kindness, his laugh, and his spirit. I don't think I've ever ordered a round of shots with him next to me, and actually paid for it, because he either A. orders first, or B. slaps his money down on the bar first. At fundraisers, and benefits we have all heard him scream, "it's for charity!!" And certainly any one of us who is a bartender in this town, cannot even begin to consider arguing his generosity.

This generosity is never limited to money. I remember sitting at my computer one Saturday afternoon, lost because of a relationship that had just fallen to pieces around me. . . and it felt like my life was in just as may pieces. Ty was online at the same time, fifteen minutes later we were walking down Snow Street, and he was listening to my every tear. He has sat by my side at Church, and joined me in prayer on Church days that he knew were important to me. When I was out of work, he set me up with shifts at his work, literally putting money in my pocket when I was counting Nickels.

You see, that is the life of Christ in the everyday real world. There are the Mother Theresas and the Pope John Pauls, and the heroes of Church history. Then there are the everyday, normal folks, who live the same message, and don't even realize they are doing it...because it's just who they are. These are the people that are the face of Jesus Christ, in our everyday life. No doubt wherever Ty goes in this world, and throughout the course of his life, he will enter peoples homes, hearts, and lives with that spirit of joy that defines his very nature, and in places where it is not welcome, he will walk away...and it will be that place's loss.

Now he leaves us...he has entered "the house of our hearts", and indeed he has stayed there as Jesus said. However he will stay with us when he leaves. Through the years Ty has been for me a very dear friend. We will all miss him, and weather you say goodbye to him at DownCity on Saturday night, or at State on Sunday pray that it is not the last hug. It certainly better not be the last cocktail!

Stars and Stripes Forever

2009-07-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

Nothing is free in this world. Usually the things of most value come at the greatest cost. We know that from fashion, cars, homes, even alcohol...the higher the quality, the higher the price. Even non-tangible things cannot escape this most basic principle.

Love has a price. Sometimes we are forced to look at ourselves and acknowledge our shortcomings, and we end up making changes...but we don't mind doing it, because its love...and at the end of the day we are in fact grateful. In friendships, we often may have to eat crow a little bit, or sacrifice something...but again we do it with joy, and we don't mind doing it, because its for a friend. We prioritize things in our lives. We decline a night on the town, in favor of putting a hundred more dollars towards that vacation we want to go on. We opt to dine at home to put an extra fifty bucks towards that special night next week. We may stay in a cheap hotel on a weekend getaway, so we can have some extra money to spend while we are away. We make career choices that may mean less weekly income, but better long term results.

Our faith is no different. Monday was the Feast of Saints Peter and Paul, two men who valued the Christian Faith of greater value then their own lives, and paid the ultimate price for the sake of the Gospel. Without their sacrifice, the Gospel message would have died with Christ, but they kept it alive, and carried to all corners of the Earth. Two thousand years later, men enter the Seminary, and pay a high price. They hand over their freedom, their opportunity to find love, and start a family, they hand over the possibility of living a life of worldly success, all in the name of that same goal...that same High Price Item...Faith.

The same is certainly said of Freedom. Saturday is the Fourth of July, and we remember the centuries of men and women who ever single day put their lives on the line, and so many have paid that ultimate price...for freedom. For our freedom.

What about us? What price is too high for us to be willing to pay? President Obama called on students at Notre Dame University to consider this very question. He reminded them that 163 graduating classes sat in the same seats as them. Many did so in years of great prosperity, and many others did so in years of great peace. He reminded them;

"You, however, are not getting off that easy. Your class has come of age at a moment of great consequence for our nation and the world - a rare inflection point in history where the size and scope of the challenges before us require that we remake our world to renew its promise; that we align our deepest values and commitments to the demands of a new age. It is a privilege and a responsibility afforded to few generations - and a task that you are now called to fulfill."

The president's words to the graduating class of Notre Dame can be spoken to any American today. Not only in the view of our National challenges, but even in our everyday lives. What price are we willing to pay for the things that we want? I don't mean just the cars, computers, novelties, and dinners either. How much are we willing to pay for happiness? How much are we willing to sacrifice? For the ones we love, that answer is easy. We are willing to sacrifice anything, even our pride, for the ones we love. Just like it was a no brainer for Peter and Paul, and those men and women of the Military, it's a no brainer for us to give 110 percent for the ones we love. But what about the more difficult decisions?

What price are we willing to pay to achieve our goals? How much are we willing to spend, of our very selves, to see our dreams come true. My mind wanders to another hero who is honored this week. Father Bert Richman was the priest at my home Parish during my very formative High School years. I have spoken of him before. He was the reason I entered the Seminary. He was like a second father to me. We talked about nearly everything that ever passed through my mind. He taught me my faith, but he did so through his daily life. When I was in my first year of Seminary his fight with Cancer became insurmountable. The treatments had destroyed him, and even when his feet were numb, and he could no longer stand, he sacrificed his pride and allowed us to hold him upright so that he could celebrate the Sacraments. On July 3rd, 2000 Almighty God relieved him of his torture, and called him home to Himself. The day he entered Seminary he gave his life to the Church, for the sake of the Gospel, and his faith...and every moment that he lived until his final breath that fateful day, was a monument to his faith, the Gospel, and the Christian life.

The lesson that Father Bert, Peter and Paul, and the men and women of our Armed Forces teach me is that no price is too high for something that really matters. We are the ones who have to decide what matters, and what is worth a price that high. Are our goals, our hopes, our dreams...are they worth that much? Are they so highly valued that we cannot place a price on them? That was the way I felt when I was in Seminary, that's why I worked so hard to reach my Ordination Day, until little by little it felt like I was chasing a shadow, instead of a goal. That's when we loose hope, that's when our hearts turn to despair, and depression...when the value of these things drop, and we are willing to spend less and less...and we start to settle.

Nothing in this world is free. As we push towards the hope of Summer (even though it should be a third of the way over already), I hope none of us ever forget that. It's only been recently that I have started to discover these high priced things in my own life. It's only in the last 6 months or so, that I have a drive again...for the first time since seminary...to achieve a goal, to reach for dreams, and to be willing to pay those prices for what matters. In realizing these things in ourselves, we can find hope, energy, and a strong drive for what matters. It drove Peter and Paul to persevere through persecution, a fight they did not abandon even when faced with execution. It drove Fr. Bert in his battle with Cancer. It drove, and continues to drive, our Armed Forces. The words of our President are true, each moment of our lives is "a rare inflection point in history", in our history. Each challenge, each speed bump, each reward, and every downfall, is an opportunity to move closer, to take a step. Every moment of everyday we make another payment on that price tag...because nothing in this world is free.

Talitha Koum

2009-06-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

The Gospel this weekend speaks of death. the first Reading talks about how death was not an intended part of life, and how it was the Sin of Man that brought death into the world. The Gospel tells the story of Jesus raising from the dead a young girl whose family begged the Lord to bring her back, taken from them so early in her life.

Yesterday the Music world suffered the loss of Michael Jackson. This passing did not touch me at first. Seeing that I was born in 1981, the Jackson 5 was not a huge part of my initial musical upbringing. It wasn't until today when I was talking with a friend and watching the specials on the news when I discovered just all the work that Jackson did for the African American Community. His videos would not at first be aired on MTV because they were a "rock station" and rock was the "white man's music". This statement was made in the 80's...well past the time when so many people had given their lives for the cause of equality. Well past the days of segregated water fountains, segregated schools, and the phrase of "sitting in the back of the bus".

Michael Jackson, despite his bizarre ways, and unique fashion senses, made strides in the equality movement for the African American Community. In the Gospel Jesus says to the little girl who he raises from the dead, "Talitha koum," which means "Little girl, I say to you, arise!". Lets pray that Jesus says the same to Michael Jackson, as he stand before the Lord in his final judgment.

The news today said that he left this world 500 Million dollars in debt, or some ridiculous number like that. How on Earth is there hope for us? If someone like Michael Jackson dies in such debt, how can us, the average Joe hope for any better? Perhaps there is a lesson in all this. Perhaps the words of Jesus apply to all of us, as we face our everyday trials and tribulations..."Talitha Koum." He calls to us to arise. To stand up, despite our struggles, because we only get one shot at this, and we are expected to make every day, every hour, every second count!

I Still Can't Dance

2009-06-24T08:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend's Pride celebrations are over, and they leave me feeling quite reflective. Although I worked the entire weekend, on Sunday late afternoon, the boyfriend, myself, and my best friend hit the town for our own personal Pride celebration. The evening ended with us dancing at the Mirabar. The club was far from packed, and there was no rainbow glitter falling from the rafters, and the general spirit of Pride had more or less dissipated, but I still felt it, because I was there with the two people who matter most in my life.

My best friend turned to me as we were dancing and he said, "how many years have we been friends?" I replied, four. To which he responded, "four years, and you still cant dance!" I laughed heartily and thought about it. Indeed for the last four years he has commented on my proven inability to dance. It doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon.

On Monday Joshua and I headed out to Bliss Dairy, a small restaurant in Attleboro which is much like Newport Creamery. We were talking on the way about how they used to serve Ice Cream Sundaes in miniature Baseball helmets. As my excitement built about this Helmet Sundae, I was then informed they no longer sold them. In fact, upon getting there, much of the place had changed, including the quality of their food.

Some things change, and some things change the same. Over the years there will always be those places and things that we look back on with a smile, but when we try to revisit them, they aren't the same anymore. They have changed. Sometimes they haven't changed at all, but rather we have, so our experience of them is different.

It made me think of myself. I spoke in my last entry about Pride being a celebration of ourselves as individuals. What was I celebrating? As we danced on Sunday night I thought about it a lot... What have I done to make me feel Proud? Certainly we are all unhappy with some parts of our lives, and we work everyday to improve those areas. I realized I am proud, proud of who I am, what Ive accomplished, the peoples lives Ive touched, the experiences I've had, and the man that I've become. I'm thankful for the people who have been with me along the way, the people who have encouraged me to improve, and the people who have challenged me when I've needed it.

I still can't dance, and I am sure I never will. . . and that's ok. That's what made that moment so endearing, that after four years of friendship we can still laugh about that flaw which he identified in me the moment we first met.

Last night I stopped off at Kareoke on my way home, and my friend sang the Lighthouse song "Hanging by a Moment". The song is about a person who recognizses in himself that he is missing something, and he has found it in a relationship. "I'm desperate for changing, Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started, chasing after you. I'm falling even more in love with you, Letting go of all i've held onto. I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you." He finds fulfillment in the approval he gets from this other person. This other person, this love, has challanged him. . . and his ability to respond to that challange and become a better person makes him justifiably proud.

That's what love is. Love inspires us to change, and to grow. I still can't dance, but important people in my life have helped me to change in so many other ways. As I danced Sunday night I thought about how these two men have helped me to change and grow. . . in ways they may never know. So many people through the years will never have any clue how they may have helped me grow. How they helped me see the need to be more responsible, to be more dedicated, to look at myself from the outside, instead of viewing the world through my personal filter.

As Pride weekend begins to slide into the background, and all that remains are the pictures, the hangovers, and the empty cheaking accounts, I look forward to the coming year. I look forward to the many ways I hope to continue to grow and flourish. I look forward to next Pride when I feebily attempt to dance, and am reminded of all the good things that haven't changed, and all the things that have. All the improvements that will come, and the challanges I will have faced.

"There's nothing else to lose. Nothing else to find. There's nothing in the world, that can change my mind. There is nothing else . . . I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto. I'm standing here until you make me move. I'm hanging by a moment here with you"

The singer has found fulfillment in this relationship, and proudly declares that he isnt going anywhere unless he is told to. I make the same decleration. Those friendships that have stood strong in the test of time. . . I'm not going anywhere. The lover who affirms, challanges, loves, and adores me. . . I'm not going anywhere. I look forward to the joy that lies ahead in all these relationships, and the many ways that they will help me grow. I hope that every Pride for many countless years to come, we will be able to have a cocktail together while laughing about how I still can't dance.

Pride

2009-06-19T07:37:00.001-07:00

It's here again, despite the rain, the GBLT Community prepares to celebrate Pride weekend. Tents are being erected, the clubs have extended their liquor orders, bartenders are resting for a weekend of non stop pouring, and everybody is a buzz about where they are going and what's going on. The celebration this weekend of course is a tradition in commemoration of the historic Stonewall Riot of June 28, 1969, when the GBLT community of Greenwich Village defended themselves against the bigotry and raids they had been experiencing for decades.

The gay community was so ostracized that the only place where they felt they could be open about who they were was in bars, like Stonewall, that were more or less underground. Stonewall in fact was owned by the Mafia, and not even a gay. Liquor was kept in secret panels and in cars outside in the event that the police were to raid them, and seize the liquor. Those weeks in late June of 1969 changed all that. What followed was the formation of Gay Rights Organizations across the nation. Most importantly, what began was the formation of a cohesive, organized, community that transcended generational, racial, and cultural differences.

Now it is 2009, and every year we organize this huge weekend long party to celebrate who we are. To celebrate "Pride". I often joke every year, "what are we so proud of?" At pride we are not saying that we are proud to be GAY, we certainly are not ashamed, but Pride runs much deeper then that. We celebrate the accomplishments of a community that went from hanging out in shady underground, mafia run bars, to what we are today. A community that boasted about equal rights and liberation in a time when African Americans were still fighting for rights. The women's movement was still in the final stages of earning their last few rights. Lyndon Johnson's "Affirmative Action Program" was working out some of it's kinks. For the Gay Community to explode across such a volatile nation took courage, strength, and pride.

Pride is also a time when we remember the rest of the hardships and victories that were to come in the following years. The HIV epidemic of the 80's, which left so many countless lives forever touched, also marked the beginning of a new battle. The murder of Matthew Shepherd in the late 90's reminded us that the whole world is in fact not accepting of Homosexuality, and there are still miles to go before true equality is accomplished. Equality however is not something that is legally achieved. Its not a bill that has to be passed in a courthouse or a statehouse. Equality is when I can walk down the street holding hands with my boyfriend and no one will look twice, because the love between us is just as legitimate as the love between the straight couple walking past in the other direction. It is not a legal movement, its a movement in the hearts of those who cannot bring themselves to understand that God created us all different...different, but equal.

This weekend as the parties tear on into the late hours of the night we remember. Those of us who are of younger years often forget the challenges faced by earlier generations. It's very easy at 19 years old to realize that you are gay, and dive into a fairly large club world, and yell and scream for equal rights. The struggle that each of us go through in the coming out process is different to be sure, but remember the generations before who literally had their freedom, and at times their very lives at stake by setting foot in bars like Stonewall. We have the benefit of walking into an established community. This weekend is about allot more then a parade. We are not trying to rub our homosexuality in the straight world's face...rather we are celebrating an inheritance that had been handed down to us from decades before.

We celebrate ourselves as individuals, perhaps even beyond our homosexuality. It's a part of what makes me who I am but it is not the summit of my being. We all have hopes and dreams, family and friends, a life history and experiences that make us who we are. Our sexuality is woven through those things. That's why Pride is such a special weekend. We see those faces that at one time may have been a regular part of our lives, and we run into them at pride and share that brief, but moving encounter. "Oh my god how have you been?? Where are you living now???" Etc etc etc. Those who are celebrating their first Pride undoubtedly will establish memories that they will remember for years to come. Those of us who it isn't our first Pride will undoubtedly do all the remembering..."Remember last year when we did this, or we did that."

Pride is about so much more then a parade. It's about us, as individuals...because individuals are what makes up a community. So this weekend celebrate YOU. Celebrate the past that has made you the person you are, celebrate the people who have come and gone. Celebrate the people who have come and STAYED....because those people seem to be so few. Celebrate your lover, and the difference he/she has made in your life. That line from Queer as Folk comes to mind, "Mourn the losses because there will be plenty, but celebrate the victories, because there are so few." The losses however, are what makes the victories so sweet. So maybe we should celebrate those too, because they too played a part in the reality we live in.

Whatever you do this weekend, have a safe, and happy (despite the threat of rain) Pride 2009!!

In This Great Sacrament...

2009-06-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday was the Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Christ...the Blessed Sacrament. During my time in Seminary the Parish at which I worked the longest was the Church of the Most Blessed Sacrament. It was a massive, Cathedral-like Church. It was in this massive structure, that my relationship with God matured.

I recently took my wonderful boyfriend on a tour of my hometown. We saw the house I grew up in. I showed him my home parish...the simple Church where my relationship with God was born. It was the site of where an immature, young man discerned a vocation to the priesthood. That small town where my roots began, reflect the simplicity of what my relationship with God was in those days. So many people in that town view Providence as "the big city", to them it is so far away. The idea of even being awake at 1am is so foreign to them, let alone the idea of ordering a cheeseburger out of a trailer at that time. They go to work, they come home, spend time with their family, and the next day they repeat it.

It was during the years of sitting in the pews of Blessed Sacrament, where I realized that life was so much more complicated. I realized that a relationship with God was much more then "Love one another as I have loved you." I learned that there were times when God would feel absent. I learned that more often then not, I would not feel the presence of God in my daily life, and that I would have to lean on the shoulder of faith, to know that He was there.

Every year the Parish committees would work tirelessly towards this weekend's feast. We would prepare a massive procession to celebrate the Blessed Sacrament. On that day, processing down the isle of that Church, amidst all the pageantry, Gold vestments, incense and ancient Latin hymns...was me..a lowly, sinful, seminary student. A young man trying to not loose himself in the bells and whistles, and remember that I was giving my life to that tiny white wafer, that was in fact the Body and Blood of Christ, the Blessed Sacrament.

The line from the Preface of the Mass that day reads, "In this great sacrament You feed Your people and strengthen them in holiness, so that the human family may come to walk in the light of one faith, in one communion of love. " Week after week believers gather all over the world at that one altar to celebrate the Sacrifice of the Cross, which they believe brings them salvation.

Now when I sit in the presence of my God in the Blessed Sacrament I typically do so in a tiny chapel downtown, maintained by the Franciscans. Its a simple place, where I sit and share my hopes and dreams with my God. I pray for the ones I love, I pray for their hopes and dreams as well. It reminds me of the universality of the Blessed Sacrament. The details have changed but the basic concept remains the same, weather it be in Tiverton, at Blessed Sacrament Church, or in that simple tiny Chapel. I still sit and share my deepest self, with a God I cannot see.

Two weeks ago I re-visited my hometown, this weekend I re-visited my Seminary years, and I continue to strive towards achieving my dreams. Thank the Lord, I have found love, good friends, and a stable home. I feel like I am only a few grasps away from completing the picture. These are the things that are summarized in that Sacred Host. It's the countless dreams and hopes of generations of believers, the ongoing hope that has burned in the hearts of countless millions through the ages, and the eternal love of God that has shined down through the centuries...a love that is reflected in the smiling face of a lover in the morning when he first wakes up, the heartfelt thank you from a grateful soul, or the laugh we inspire from someone else when we amuse them. The great Feast of the Blessed Sacrament is a reminder, once a year, of that love that we experience everyday of our lives.

I try to keep this in mind as we push through these miserable cloudy days leading into summer. Its so easy to forget the blessings sometimes, and let our hearts wander to feelings of despair. However, it is our duty to look to the bright side, to acknowledge these countless blessings in our lives...because those blessings are the presence of God in our lives, they are the daily manifestation of the gifts of that wonderful sacrament, the same gift that we are called to be in the lives of others.

2009-06-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

As the days of the early summer begin to unwind, the big day slowly approaches, June 7th, the anniversary of my Baptism. 28 Years ago, Father plante traced the sign of the cross on my forehead and said the words, "I claim you for Christ our King." Those words were always the most beautiful to me of the Baptism ceremony. A tiny baby, is marked with holy Chrisim, and claimed for service in the army of Christ.

This weekend is also the Solemnty of the Most Holy Trinity. The doctrine of the Trinity has been argued by Theologians for centuries. God the Father, the eternal uncreated God, takes uhman form in His Son Jesus, and the love between the two results in the Holy Spirit, which has been described as "the generation of love from the love that is shared." It is the love between the three Persons of the One Triune God that keeps creation turning in its natural order. The Father who created everything, the Son who redeemed everything, and the Spirit, that ties us into the Divinity...the Spirit that on the day of our Baptism touches us, and changes our very character to liken us unto the character of Christ Himself.

On the day of my Baptism, my parents promised the Lord to raise me in the faith, and on the day of my Confirmation I affirmed those promises to live my life according to the Church and her teachings. Through the years I have learned that living that life is not always easy. I had to learn how to meld my faith, with my homosexuality. Many would ask how...many DO ask how. Its easy. I live my life everyday as honest as possible. I love my friends, and try to always put them first. I love my boyfriend, and try to make sure that every second of every day he is at the forefront of my decisions. I work an honest job, and earn an honest days pay for an honest days work. I try to always give when someone is in need. As Jesus said, "everytime you clothe the naked, feed the hungary, care for the sick, you do it for me."

That is because that One Triune God lives in all of us, and so therefore we are called to see God in one another. It sounds like fluff, but it really is true, and its a reality that I have seen in the lives of those around me. I see it in my own life. God reveals himself almost everyday to me. Weather it be in a laugh prompted by a random customer at work, a smile brought on by a friend, or the feeling of warmth that swells within me when I hold my boyfriend in my arms.

The love of the Triune God shines through even in the darkest moments of life, and those are the moments when I am reminded of those promises made by my parents 28 years ago, and re-affirmed by me on the day of my Confirmation. The difficult times are those moments of frustration. Those times when it seems as though God has turned His face. Those moments of despair when we think that we are in this crazy world all alone. We never are alone, because God is with us in those people who He has placed in our lives, always at the right moments...just when we need it.

So today as I face the anniversary of my Baptism, I rejoice in the blessings I have recieved over the years, and look forward to many more. I look forward to the many Blessings God will bring, and the showering of marvelous grace that comes when we least expect it. Thank you Lord, and thank all of you, who are His face in my daily life.

The Fire of the Spirit

2009-06-01T08:23:00.001-07:00

My weekend this weekend began by attending a "non violent" picket by the Westboro Baptist Church, an organization whose basic principles are "God Hates Fags and Jews." They sport signs that include slogans such as, "GOD HATES FAGS, FAGS HATE GOD, AIDS CURES FAGS, THANK GOD FOR AIDS, FAGS BURN IN HELL".

Their other big platform is as follows (taken directly from their website) "Priests Rape Boys: an air-tight, three word case against the Catholic church. The Catholic Church is the largest, most well-funded and organized pedophile group in the history of man! No further proof need be given on the Judgment Day against every single person of authority in that monstrous organization of perverts. The case is as open and shut as a murder case where the murder is actually witnessed by the judge and jury themselves. "

The grand sweeping, bigoted, and ignorant rantings of this cult cannot be argued. This organization made their presence known in Providence on Friday afternoon. The Church made no statement to defend their priests...perhaps because in order to defend themselves, the Jews, and the other communities the WBC assaults, they would have to also defend the Gay community. I attended the protest to see what these people were all about. Among the protesters was a child, no more then 8 years old, holding a sign proclaiming the WBC's Doctrine of hate. It brought a tear to my eye. When I crossed the street to leave one of the protesters looked at me and said, 'Are you a Fag or a Jew?", which was her question towards anyone from the opposing side who she encountered. My answer was simple. "I am a fag".

As I thought about the group as the evening continued to unfold, I went about my daily life, and considered how awful I felt for these people. I nearly wept thinking of these people living a life where they truly think that they are justified in their life of hate, and that God smiles upon their ignorance, their bigotry, and their loneliness.

This weekend in the Church is the feast of Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit descended upon the apostles in the form of a Dove, breathing out His spirit on these men who were gathered in fear in the Upper Room. "And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in different tongues, as the Spirit enabled them to proclaim." The apostles, enlivened by the Spirit, went from that room, and proclaimed to all the world the message of Christ, the Gospel, and true redemption.

The Pope, in his homily this year on the Feast of Pentecost spoke about how the Spirit comes to us today, in 2009. How we keep Pentecost alive in this century, among us, His new apostles. The Pope reminds us of how the apostles were gathered in the Upper Room out of fear, fear of facing the same fate of Jesus. It wasn't until the Decent of the Holy Spirit that they were enlivened to leave that room and proclaim to the nations the message of Christ crucified, and Resurrected. He said, "Where the Spirit of God enters, he chases out fear; he makes us know and feel that we are in the hands of an Omnipotence of love: whatever happens, his infinite love will not abandon us. The witness of the martyrs, the courage of the confessors, the intrepid élan of missionaries, the frankness of preachers, the example of all the saints -- some who were even adolescents and children -- demonstrate this. It is also demonstrated by the very existence of the Church, which, despite the limits and faults of men, continues to sail across the ocean of history, driven by the breath of God and animated by his purifying fire"

It is fear that drives the hearts of ignorant men and women like the WBC. They are scared of something they do not know, and although speaking in the name of "God" they lack the Spirit that would enlighten them to see the truth, and live in the real love of God.

This month I celebrated my birthday...pretty much all month. I received birthday well wishes, and cakes, and gifts from nearly everyone in my life. This was something for which I am eternally grateful. To quote the Pope again, "Where the Spirit of God enters, he chases out fear; he makes us know and feel that we are in the hands of an Omnipotence of love." This month, in a particular way, I felt the love of my friends...a nearly Omnipotence of love. A love that remains no matter how stupid I am, or what stupid things I may do. The love of a boyfriend, who looks past my many faults, and failures, and encourages me to always do my best. Friends who know me better then I know myself, and yet rejoice in the arrival of a birthday. THAT is the Spirit of God.

I feel a depth of pain in my heart for that child at the WBC protest. A child who does not have the love of friends and family, but rather the fire of ignorant hate. He is a child that will grow up in a world devoid of hope, meaning, love, or joy.

Today I sit here as a grateful man. Grateful to God for the many blessings He has given me. I am blessed everyday to have the love and support of an amazing boyfriend, wonderful friends, a faithful roommate, and a support structure I so often forget. Enlivened by the Spirit I look forward to the coming year, and I feel inspired, like the Apostles on Pentecost, that there is no need for fear. I will not be forever trapped in the "Upper Room." Perhaps for us, I know for me, the "Upper Room" is that place of complacency, where we become comfortable about who and where we are, and loose that drive to move forward, to better ourselves, to grow, and to be all that we can be.

It's not just the WBC that stands and holds signs in protest of our lives...the WBC is like all the roadblocks, the challenges, the perceived failures, and the many battles lost, that make us feel like we've lost the entire war. Again all of these things are shrouded in fear, and devoid of the life of the Spirit.

Inspired I move forward. I wonder what my blog will say on May 21, 2010. Will it be filled with gratitude for many more blessings? I am sure it will. Will it be full of gratitude for my friends, and boyfriend? I am equally as certain. The question is, will I be able to muster the strength, faith, and hope to take the steps I need to take, backed with the armor of the previously mentioned blessings? YES IT WILL. If I ignore the gifts of the Spirit in my own life that God has provided for me to improve myself, then I am as ignorant and vapid as the members of the WBC who stand on street corners throughout America everyday. The WBC has the same blessings offered to them as me, but they are closed to it.

So we move forward...I move forward. I move forward full of gratitude for the many blessings God has given me, and continues to give me everyday. I am thankful for my boyfriend, my friends, my job, my past, my unknown future, and most of all my very life. That life will not fall even a centimeter short of all that it can be. I will not waste the gifts of the Spirit in my life, as I said, if I did I would be just as guilty as the WBC. As Saint Paul says in his Letter to the Galatians this week, "If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit.". Lead on, Spirit...lead on....

Looking at the Sky

2009-05-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

In addition to being my birthday, tomorrow is also the Feast of the Ascension. After the Resurrection, Jesus spent 40 days making various appearances to His Apostles and others, and on that last day, He took His followers up to a mountaintop. After sharing a few final words of promise and hope, He ascended back up to Heaven, where He would remain until the end of time, when He comes again. To quote the text;

"When he had said this, as they were looking on,he was lifted up, and a cloud took him from their sight.While they were looking intently at the sky as he was going, suddenly two men dressed in white garments stood beside them. They said, "Men of Galilee,why are you standing there looking at the sky? This Jesus who has been taken up from you into heaven will return in the same way as you have seen him going into heaven."

What a wonderful Birthday message! Essentially the angels are telling the Apostles, stop staring at the sky, and start looking forward! The apostles had a lot of work to do. They were wasting time standing there staring at the heavens when they should have looked forward and begun their life long mission of preaching and spreading the Gospel.

Don't we spend too much time staring up instead of looking forward? Too much time dwelling on the areas of our lives where we want improvement. I cant tell you how many nights I have spent sitting at a bar venting to a friend about the aspects of my life I wished were different. I will never forget the night I was sitting at my favorite watering hole, The Alley Cat, and my beloved bartender Cathy said, "Instead of sitting here bitching about it do something to change it!" How right she was!!

Today on the cusp of my birthday I find myself staring up. Dwelling on those things I wish were different, but I have no power over to change. I find myself thankful for the many blessings I have in my life. I find myself grateful for my job, that I often may bitch about, but I should be grateful to have one at all, especially such a good one. I find myself grateful for the friends I have that I take so often for granted. I find myself grateful for my roommate, who is more then family or a friend, and who I don't show my love for often enough. I have a colorful and unique past, which I often scowl upon. I have a history of sorrow, that ironically has yielded so much joy. I have a wonderful boyfriend, who has made me so happy, and I pray will continue to do so in the time to come. Most of all I have a life full of love, joy, and hope that so often I don't value enough.

As this Birthday approaches I take the advice of those Angels at the site of the Ascension, and look forward. I look forward to the coming year with my Boyfriend, friends, and other countless blessings. I look forward to another year and all the memories I will build in it. I look forward to the many surprises and accomplishments that I know will come.

When Jesus shared His final words with His followers, they pried to try and get a few last answers out of Him before He left. His answer was simple, "It is not for you to know the times or seasons that the Father has established by his own authority." I look forward to all the joys and sorrows the Lord has in store in the coming year. The sorrows will only serve to make me stronger, and the joys will provide encouragement when I need it.

So here I am, living the last day of my 27th year. Who knows what the next year will bring! I promise you this though, I know that if I face each day looking forward instead of looking up, there will be nothing that I can't handle...and everything will only help me grow. So come on, 28! Bring me everything you have, I look forward to it all! After all, it can't be that bad, it's not like I'm turning 30. ;)

A Treze De Maio

2009-05-13T08:47:00.000-07:00

Today is a special day to any Portuguese person who closely follows their heritige. On this day in 1917, the Virgin Mary reportedly appeared to three shepherd children, Lucia Santos, and her two cousins, Francisco and Jacinta Marto.

Lucia described her vision of the Blessed Mother as "brighter than the sun, shedding rays of light clearer and stronger than a crystal ball filled with the most sparkling water and pierced by the burning rays of the sun." She appeared to the children while standing atop a rose bush, and continued to appear to them every month for 6 months on the 13th. To quell the doubt of the masses, the virgin provided the famous 'Miracle of the Sun' on October 13. In the sight of photographers, reporters, and indeed the entire world, the sun danced in the sky to prove that she in fact was truely there. This miracle can be seen on You Tube, or via many various forms of media. The children suffered much persecution from those who doubted their claims to have seen the Virgin. Even the Church itself doubted their initial claims, and today the famous 'Fatima Vision' is accepted by the Church and honored by countless faithful around the world.

What is it about such apparitions that captivates the faithful so deeply? Whenever an "image of Mary" appears on an overpass, a bulding's window, or if a cloud formation remotely resembles a religious image, the catholic faithful flock to it and proclaim it as something sent from God. Is this religious fanaticism? Yes and no. It is a clear indication of a world that desperately needs their God.

Something like Fatima crosses the lines of faith. It assures believers that what they have put their stock in is not in vein. The sun dancing over the fields of Portugal assured the faithful that the Virgin was in fact truely there. . . and we need that.

We, as human beings, have a natural tendency to not trust people. Sadly, we live a world where one persons testimony is not enough to make use feel assured. Weather it be a lover's fidelity, a child's word to his/her mother, confidence in a friend's confidence, the list goes on and on. Sadly that even extends to God.

As you all know, I spent many years studying for the priesthood, and I have alot of faith in my God, but I too sometimes need some kind of sign, some kind of something to be re-assured that He is in fact out there, and hears my pleas and my prayers. The eyes of faith see Him everyday, in the love that is shown me through others, in the silent prayers that He answers nearly everyday, and just in that feeling I have in my heart that He is there, and He does hear me...but still...its nice to have that little boost once in a while.

Mary showed the children of Fatima what Hell looked like, and the same of heaven. She also entrusted to them the famous 'Fatima Secrets', two of which were revealed pretty quickly, and the third remained a secret in the Vatican archives until 2000 when the Vatican told the world that the final secret was actually a prediction of the assasination attempt on the Pope, which happened on this day in 1981. The bullet which was removed from Pope John Paul II's body today sits in the crown atop the head of the statue of Our Lady of Fatima at the apparition site. The Pope attributed his life to the Virgin, claiming that it was her prayers which allowed him to live despite the odds against him.

The devotion to Our Lady of Fatima is one that runs deep in the veins of any Portuguese Catholic, and indeed has become a devotion beloved by all Catholics regardless of their ethnic background. I too have my own reasons for feeling so strongly about the Virgin of Fatima.

I have previously written about Father Bert Richman, the man who I had so much respect and love for, the priest who was the pastor at my parish and my inspiration to enter Seminary. He died at the end of my first year of studies. Towards the end of his life, the cancer had totally taken over his body, and he was on so many drugs and was so 'out of it' it got to the point where he could not even talk, and was tied down to his hospital bed. The man who I loved so deeply, who always had every answer, who held a PHD in American history...there he was, a speechless, heavily medicated vegetable. He had previously asked me to bring him his Rosary beads, which I did. During those last days, if you went to visit him, you would find him all tied down, working those beads through his fingers, silently praying those words he had known since his youth. On the day he died, I sat with him in his hospital room, and he suddenly said, clear as day, "She's here." I will never forget the feeling in that room. To this day I would argue with anyone, that she was there. His final words were those of the Hail Mary, "pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death." There is no doubt in my mind that she came to him, she came to bring him home to his creator.

Its the little moments like that...its those little signs that God throws our way to assure us of his presence and his undying love. It's those little signs that re-assures our faith in the God we cannot see. It's a very human experience, just like as much as we trust and love a partner, or a friend, its the little things we do for one another that re-affirms that trust, and that love. Maybe we should all today remind those we love that we do in fact love them. Maybe the message of Fatima is a reminder, a reminder that sometimes we have to re-assure our loved ones that they are loved.

On May 13 1946, Cardinal Masalla, the personal delegate of Pope Pius XII, spoke at a Vatican celebration in honor of Our Lady of Fatima. He said, "The faithful virgin never disappointed the trust, put on her. She will transform into a fountain of graces, physical and spiritual graces, over all of Portugal, and from there, breaking all frontiers, over the whole Church and the entire world." In a world that was so devoid of hope, and in fact shrouded in the darkness of World War I, Communisim in Russia, and poverty all around, the Fatima message brought a glimmer of hope.

Maybe on this day, "Fatima Day" as coined by so many Portuguese faithful, we may all have that moment where we see the "sun dance". May we all take a step back and see the many blessings in our lives, instead of all the curses. When I first started in Seminary we had a retreat, and the priest who preached at it is one of the men in my life who I respect the most. He spoke about his first days in seminary. He was so excited to finally have his own bedroom, as he had always shared with siblings growing up. He was so excited about everything that came along with starting his studies for the priesthood. When he showed his mother his room, she looked at the screen on the window and said, "Theres a hole in the screen." his excitement about everything that was happening was kind of stomped out because all his mother could see was the hole in the screen.

That's what the message of Fatima says to us today. We can't always see the hole in the screen. We have to see the blessings and the wonderful things that we have in life. Those of you who ar efaithful readers undoubtedly noticed that my last post was pretty down and out. I was totally seeing the hole the screen, and nothing else. On this "Fatima Day" may we all see past the "holes in the screen". May we see the little blessings here and there that remind us that things will get better, things could be worse, and no matter what, we are never in this alone.

AVE AVE AVE MARIA, AVE AVE AVE MARIA!

The Journey

2009-05-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

This weekend among the many festivities in honor of my Birthday Month Kick Off, one of the best was having the privlidge of moving Joshua's sister home from school for the summer. I sat on the bench outside of her dorm on a cigarette break and people watched for a few minutes. It was very uplifting to watch as the student ran about with family and friends, scurrying to empty their lives from these tiny dorm rooms, into cars and vans to take them back to otheir place of origin. Some will return in the Fall, other were saying final goodbyes. Seniors are stepping into the real world, Freshmen are no longer at the bottom of the ladder, Sophomores were becoming upperclassmen, and Juniors now face the reality that it will all be over in just a year. Whatever level they are at, they were excited, excited about their point in the journey.

That evening, two very good friends took me to Boston to see the new Star Trek movie, where I saw a continuation of this theme. A young James T. Kirk, scarred by the early death of his father is there at the launching of the Enterprise. His smart ass rebeliousness nearly leads to his character's demise, until a wise voice from the future informs him of his true destiny. This revelation inspires him to act rightly, and he takes his place as he should be, the Captain of the Enterprise.

The students of Salve Regina who I watched on Friday afternoon do not have the benefit of a foresight from the future. Nor do we either. They will never know what effect their relationships on each other will have in future days. The friendship between Kirk and Spock was a relationship that down the road would save the universe countless times over, and before Kirks revelation, that friendship nearly never forms.

Granted, Star Trek is scienece fiction, I know I dont often reveal that I understand that concept, but I do. However, the point is still the same. We really dont know how we all play into eachother's journey, but as the days, and years go on, we will slowly see. We will never know how we played into other's journey, and that is a question to which we may never have the answer.

Let's all do the best we can to be a positive effect in other people's journeys...lets remember non of us are on the journey alone. The journey is always more successful with a team. Kirk had a strong first officer, and a strong crew...to the students out there, those graduating and those who aren't .... enjoy your summer's rest, it's well deserved.

I Choose You

2009-05-07T08:13:00.000-07:00

There is none of us Im sure who have never been to a Wedding. When I was in Seminary I had a priest friend who used to say he'd rather do a thousand funerals then one wedding, because the from the church side of things, a wedding is challenging. The bride is all excited because it is her day. Thousands of dollars have been sunk into this one massive event, the biggest day of her life, and she wants everything to be just perfect. There is only one problem with all of that...what about the groom?

I always felt that the groom was a bit shorted in the Church's wedding ritual. At a wedding there is no entrance procession. The priest does not approach the altar as at a regular Mass. Rather, the Bride and her party approach, and is greeted by the Groom and Priest at the foot of the altar. Today I read an article with which I couldnt agree more...why doesn't the bride process in, AND the groom process in after (or before) her. You see in a Wedding, the priest does not confer the sacrament on the couple, he is simply the witness who stands in the name of the Church and the State to testify to the union. The ministers of the sacrament of matrimony are in fact the bride and groom, who are conferring the sacrament on one another. The ritual clearly states, they enter into this sacrament freely, as two individuals, and on that day the two become one.

The focus that we have placed on the bride is enormous. How lovely she looks in her gown, etc etc. The bride is the center of the event. I remember standing in the Sacristy (the back room where the priest gets vested before Mass), when I was in seminary and chit chatting with one of the grooms (as I commonly did). I carried on the usual banter with him, asking if he was nervous, how was the bachelor party, etc etc. This one particular groom responded, "Im not nervous about anything, shes the one who should be worried. All eyes are on her not me."

Weddings have become more about the bride and "her day" then about the couple and their new life. The liturgy only encourages it. This is not to say that the bride should recieve less focus, but rather to say that the groom deserves more, as it is just as much of an event in his life as it is in hers. The article also suggested that rather then repeating the vows after the priest they instead should memorize them, so that when they share them, they have reflected on the words, and are well aware of what they are saying. Perhaps then they will be more inspired to live the vows they profess.

Those vows are not easy. They imply so many more things then they say. The most powerful of which, in my opinion are the last few words, which I have always found so moving; "I will love you and honor you, all the days of my life." Those words alone, sum up in one sentence everything that the rest of them say. "All the days of my life". That means the good days and the bad days. That means through all the downfalls and challanges. That means despite the other's weaknesses and failures. It's easy to love a man when he looks handsome in his tuxedo, or a woman when she looks like a princess in her sparkling white gown...but will you love them when you are 50 and the signs of the years are wearing on their face. Will you love them when you look at them and see the real them.

Since most of my friends are either priests or gay men, I dont have a close relationship with many married people, but I do want to publicly say that two couples with whom I am close realy nailed this whole Marriage thing. On one of my best friend's Wedding day I had the pleasure of being involved in the ceremony. I remember standing at the foot of the altar as Jenn came down the isle and her husband Bill saw her coming. I remember being floored by the look in his eyes. You could just tell when they looked at one another they saw the limitless future of possibilities that each one held for the other. My friends Rick and Marie are husband and wife, but more importantly, I dont know two people who are closer friends.

Thats what love is, or I should say, that's when you know love is real. When you look at your partner and see beyond the physical and see...them. When you see their weaknesses, their insecurities, their addictions, their areas in need of improvement, and their downfalls...and yet you still love them just as much (if not more)...that's love. The same is true in any relationship that involves love. I know the people in my life who truely love me. I know that love is deep because they see the raw, flawed, weak David Martins. . . and love me anyways.

That is when the love will stand through the toughest times, and the darkest nights. That is when criticisms go from being potentials for fights, to expressions of love and concern. That is when the "I'm sorry"s change into action. That's when the roadblocks and challanges in life turn into opportunities to work together, as a team, to become a stronger team. That is when we realize that each and everything that we do is an attempt to make our partner all that they can be, hence making us a stronger team.

That's why the Sacrament of marriage is the only one that the priest does not confer on you, but rather the couple confers on one another. In all the other Sacraments, the priest is doing something that is going to help the recipient get to Heaven. In Marriage, each partner is doing something to help the other partner get to heaven. One partner in fact gives his/her LIFE to helping the other get to heaven. Thats what a relationship is. That's what love is. Getting to Heaven is the ultimate fulfillment of what a Christian person can be. Therefore, when we love someone we do everything we can to help them be everything they can possibly be, the best they can be. Weather it be helping them improve on themselves, standing by them in times of trouble, or being patient with them in times of difficulty.

Love isn't easy. It's actually a very difficult choice. It's a choice because it's an action, and no action happens without choosing to do it. The couple chooses to stand in this union "as long as we both shall live". The people in my life who love me, who truely love me, always will...because they have decieded that the love they feel for me is so strong, that they will anchor themselves in it so that when the winds of difficulty come, they will not blow away.

I am forever greatful for those few people who truely love me. Not just the husband/wife kind of love either. Whatever kind of love we are talking about, we are all very fortunate to have love of any kind in our lives. It is my hope that we will all always have the strength to stand by that love. For various reasons the last few days I have come to see how deeply I am loved by different people and in different ways. Some who have been in my life since my Seminary days, some who have come along since, some whose love has changed types along the way but the love remains. So to those of you who know me best, and yet despite that love me just the same...I love you too.

The Birthday Month

2009-05-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

I love my birthday. It falls on May 21st, which in my estimation is the perfect time to have a birthday. The season is starting to change, the warmer weather starts to come around, as we make the final few paces towards Summer. The dreaming starts about Beach days, bbqs at night, the coming of so many wonderful summer activities, and a final goodbye to the cold until it rears its ugly head again in the late fall. All of us homos start to break out the flip flops, and our one token pair of white pants. A time filled with so much change is a perfect time to reflect, as I always do around my birthday, on the year that has passed.

I think this year Ive learned alot of lessons. President Obama, in his speech to the nation on his 100th day said, "The ship of state is an ocean liner; it's not a speedboat...If we can move this big battleship a few degrees in a different direction, we may not see all the consequences of that change a week from now or three months from now, but 10 years from now, or 20 years from now" I think I have learned in my own life that this is so true. Change takes time. We have hopes and dreams, and goals but we have to be realistic about their time table. Some of the steps along the way may seem insignificant but they really arent in the big picture, they are small turns to guide the massive battleship to point in another direction. The end of which often pleasently suprises us when that ship reaches her destination.

I have also learned a good bit about friends. Once again, in the last year I have been blessed to have people there to stand by me in times when I needed it most.

I learned alot about risk. The risk of dropping down the walls that surround the deep vulnerable part of ourselves. "Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to." Love is a risk, a leap of faith. In Seminary we blindly gave our entire selves to a God who we could not see. That is the deepest faith of all. To throw it all down for Him, and not be able to know if we did the right thing, until its too late to undo anything. My general feeling of having been betrayed, both by that system, and by other significant people in my life at the time has always made it hard to drop those walls. This year I have learned to put faith in people again, and Im glad I did, as it had paid off in a wonderful relationship with an amazing person. . . which only further proved my previous lesson, that the small changes in life along the way can lead to something wonderful and unexpected if you wait long enough.

Ive learned most importantly to look back throughtfully, and see the hand of God in various moments in my life along the way. Instead of looking at my life begrudgingly, I look at it with hope, excited about the many suprises God has in store for me in my 28th year, as those course changes slowly start to reveal their various destinations.

I think back on past birthdays, the people I spent them with, and where I spent them. They range from those crazy nights out on the town, formal dinners, Parties at clubs, and even the year I celebrated looking out on the Dome of Saint Peter's in Rome. Very few faces were at every party. One or two have been consistant at the last five or so, and I pray will be there for many, many more. I am thankful for the new faces that will be at this one, and hope to God will be at many more as well. Theres something that I am extremely grateful for this year. . I have never celebrated a birthday without friends, and it always takes more then one celebration to cover it all!

As the various celebrations in my birthday month begin to unroll (the first of which is Friday) my smile only gets wider and wider. My feelings of hope build more and more, and the sun shines brighter each day as we move towards summer. (Despite the rain that's falling at the moment outside.)

As the last days of my 27th year unfold, and a new year approaches I will continue to reflect, and continue to make the small course adjustments neccessary to continue to guide the "Ocean Liner" of life towards the ultimate goal. I will continue to enjoy the many suprises along the way, and of course, continue to deal with those places where the water gets rough...because I know Im not alone on this boat...I got a First Mate, and one hell of a crew!

The Gay Agenda

2009-04-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

One again, the ignorance of our Most Reverend Bishop has inspired me to blog. In his April 23 writing in the "Rhode Island Catholic, Bishop Tobin mounted his attack on Gay Marrige. Suprisingly he actually understood that gays do not want to march down an isle in a cathedral and exchange vows at the altar. Not suprisingly, however, he managed to push the limit as he always does, and turn into a rude, ignorant, bigot.

He speaks of "the Gay agenda", and how it is seeping into the rest of society: "The gay culture continues to seep into our popular culture, cleverly claiming credibility. Did you see that President Obama issued special invitations to gay families to participate in this year’s Easter Egg Hunt at the White House? Just another not-too-subtle attempt to ignore the objective immorality of the situation and present gay couples as normal and happy as every other couple."

First of all, until I am picking easter eggs out of your bushes, what do you care? Second of all there is no objective immorality of a homosexual couple picking easter eggs on the front lawn of the white house. I didnt see any headlines announcing that a gay couple was doing the nasty in the rose garden. I understand the Church's teachings, but I fail to understand why the Bishop chooses his rude, ignorant method to address moral issues. His ignorant assault of the President in his article about abortion, and now this claim that "the gay agenda" is slowly destroying America.

He goes on to say, "Proponents of gay marriage say that the Church won’t be forced to witness such marriages. Don’t believe it. And other related problems will inevitably arise. Will the Church be required to admit gay couples as sponsors for baptisms; to rent its facilities for gay wedding receptions; to hire employees despite their immoral gay lifestyles; to grant family benefits to gay couples? For simply maintaining its teachings in these and many other possible scenarios, the Church will be accused of bigotry and unlawful discrimination. The threat to our religious freedom is real, and imminent."

What cracks me up about this passage is that if the Church were to terminate all her Gay employees, I doubt it would be able to stand anymore. I personally know more gay catholic staff then I can count. So I ask you Bishop Tobin, what is more of a sin...to hire a fag to play the organ in a Church, or to torture a seminarian because he needs to loose weight, and somehow fanangal it as a "moral issue". I know Ive never gotten a cheak returned or a donation denied because it came from a gay hand, and was earned at a gay bar...interesting.

Or perhaps the Church is scared because the Gay community (at least in Rhode Island) does more to raise money for local charities then the Church does. The third Sunday of every month at DownCity men put on dresses and put on entertaining shows that go to benefit counless local non profit agencies and charitable organizations....while in the Cathedral the Bishop puts on his dress, and puts on a show and raises money for...more dresses??

I realize this blog may skirt the lines of immaturity, but so does the Bishops weekly column, but this time it hits close to home. "The threat to our religious freedom is real, and imminent." Statements like that only solidify the opinion of the bigots in the world. Articles like this only drive homosexuals away from their faith, and deepen the void between gays and the God who created them. Articles like this only solidify the opinion of people like my mother and sister whose piety does not allow them to love their gay son/brother. Is that what is going to stop the "gay agenda"? Pious heterosexuals can hate their relatives because of what they do in the bedroom? Isnt there any objective moral laws about loving your children and siblings?

The Bishop says, "Here let me explain the “champagne principle.” Not every wine is champagne. Champagne has certain very specific, universally recognized characteristics. If someone were to take a bottle of Chianti, label and sell it as champagne, they’d be arrested for fraud. In the same way, those who seek to redefine marriage – with its specific characteristics – and to usurp the title “marriage” for their morally bankrupt relationships, are committing an act of fraud. It’s insulting to those who have entered the authentic, sacred and time-honored institution of marriage over the years. "

The Church does not extend the sacrament of marriage to homosexuals because simply, we don't need it. I agree with that. My boyfriend and I are never going to create a life...together. However, if I were to adopt a baby with my partner, and approach the Church to have him baptised, Im sure the Bishop would say absolutely not, since no child should be raised by two people in a "Morally Bankrupt" relationship...And Im sure the Church has never married a morally bankrupt straight couple. Im sure the Church has no Morally Bankrupt priests for that matter...give me a break. Half the reason I left Seminary was because while in the system I saw more priests who cared more about themselves and their advancement then the people whom they had given their lives to serve. The selflessness of a drag queen on a Sunday morning at drag brunch is far more impressive to me then the selfishness of watching a Catholic priest basterdize the sacraments as he puts on his dog and pony show at the altar.

I am not one to throw big protests, and to support rallys and marches, usually becuse the whole issue of gay "marriage" gets muddled in all the vocabulary, between legal and church terms. This time however, Bishop Tobin has gone too far.

Well Bishop Tobin, rest assured, you will not see another gay dollar from my wallet. You wouldn't want those since they were earned at a gay bar, from gay customers. Fear not. I realize my attack on the emptiness of some priests is not true for all priests. There are many priests I know who give their lives each and every day in service to God and His church, and they would never tell me that my life was morally bankrupt. They would never do that because they know that I am a good person, and don't judge me based on what I may or may not do in my bedroom.

Gays are picking Easter Eggs on the front lawn of the White House, what's next...they'll be allowed to own property? Give me a break. Bishop, I suggest you open your eyes. Gays are alot like people you know, and they can cleverly disguise themselves as employees of the Church, personal friends, relatives, and colleauges.

"The supporters of gay marriage in Rhode Island are well-organized and well-funded. They’re fiercely determined to impose their politically correct agenda on all the citizens of the state – human history, culture and moral principles not-withstanding. Anyone who opposes them is quickly labeled a bigot." You are a bigot. Thats a judgement Ive built based on more then this one article. Its no wonder the Bishop doesnt shake hands with the people after a function in the Cathedral, he must be scared there might be a homo in the crowd who wont want to shake his hand, but rather ring his neck.

The Light

2009-04-22T09:00:00.001-07:00

The readings of today's Mass include the famous "John 3:16" quote, which refers to Jesus as "the light";

"the light came into the world,but people preferred darkness to light,because their works were evil.For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come toward the light,so that his works might not be exposed.But whoever lives the truth comes to the light,so that his works may be clearly seen as done in God. "

Recently I had an experience which made this verse strike a chord. There was an attempted attack on this blog which many of you have come to be regular followers of. If you have noticed, there is a place at the end of each post where you can leave a comment. Luckily, I have the "approve comment" option turned on, in the event that immaturity gets the better of someone and they attempt to leave a nasty comment. I enjoy the potential that blog comments allow for debate, an educated, and mature forum for intillectual exchange. However, I do not tolerate direct, and immature slanderous things about me personally, which is what was anonymously left earlier in the week...of course this comment was not approved.

An anonymous comment is all well and good, but had this person identified themselves perhaps I would have allowed the post. Since they were in fact so proud to slander me with nonsense, maybe they would be just as proud for the world to know who the immature individual was.

It's funny how we sometimes can be as people. When we have a gripe against someone, why is it that we sometimes find it so much more neccessary to drag that gripe out in drama and endless subtle references to it. Why not just say what we have to say, and move on with life...and say it directly to that person. Or worse yet, once everything that needs to be said has been said, why is it neccessary to continue to draw it out. All that does is reflect on us, as being the one who won't let it go.

That's because affairs of the heart are not so easily forgotten. Sometimes when we feel we have been wronged, we do not forget it. We buy into lies, we submit to gossip, we submit to random acts of immaturity, we slip into the darkness . . . because in the darkness these immaturities are not illuminated and it's so much easier then dealing with the truth.

I remember in Seminary there was a guy in my class who could never let anything go. He would be hurt by someone, or something, and would make constant references to that hurt as time would go on. His own personal life had inflicted some pretty deep wounds, and it wasn't until we started to get to know him better that we started to figure out a little bit more about him. We started to learn about his past, and some of the serious wrongs he had experienced. It seemed as though he had such difficulty expressing the pain he experienced from those life changing experiences he had gone through, that it was easier to express the anger he had pent up inside by harping on these other percieved wrongs. One day while outside smoking a cigarette, a fellow seminarian said to him, "you are going to be a bitter old man by 30, if you dont learn how to let things go."

How true that is for all of us. It's tough in life to deal with a gripe and let it go, but thats what we have to do. It must be done however in the proper light. An issue with a co-woorker should be handled not in the midst of the office, but one on one. A dissapproval of a legal matter may be more appropriate in a public light as we see in things like rallys and protests.

Dealing with our pains, and complaints, and percieved wrongs is a constant battle. Unfortunately life seems to take no rest from the challanges it chooses to deal us, so its best we master this ability, as we will be making use of it often.

Peace

2009-04-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

The readings at Mass this weekend include the story of Thomas. Thomas was one of Jesus' followers. When Jesus rose from the dead and went to visit His followers Thomas was not present the first time He appeared. When the other Apostles told Him about the appearance, and that Jesus had risen, Thomas said he would not believe it until he himself could touch the wounds of Jesus' crucifixtion. The second time Jesus comes to them, He calls Thomas out on his doubt, and invites him to touch the wounds. When Thomas realizes that the story of Jesus' rising from the dead was true, he is moved with joy. Jesus responds with the phrase, "Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed."

Thats what faith is. I have faith in the Ressurection and I have not seen it. Nor have the countless Christians throughout the world who today celebrate the Risen Lord, and their hope for the afterlife. If you think about it, its not all that crazy to have faith in something you cannot see. After all, how many things in life do we put faith in that is just as absurd? We have faith that our loved ones will never hurt us. We have faith that our lovers will always be faithful, that our employers will always be fair, that our car will start in the morning when we turn the key. If you think about it, almost every aspect of our day to day life is based on faith, because anything could change in an instant.

When Jesus appears to His apostles in the reading He only greets them with the phrase, "Peace be with you." The apostles, scared of being found out by the Roman athourities, and worried they would face the same fate as Jesus had, were comforted by these words. The presence of Jesus in their midst shatters any doubt they had in His message, and settles their fear.

We can relate to this too. We all seek peace in our lives. That's what that feeling is when we wake up in the morning with a smile. When everything is right in our life. We have a job we enjoy, and are successful in. The bills are paid. Our relationships are all the way we want them to be...its "peace". When that peace is disrupted, by some kind of change...we become restless.

The comfort that we feel in our everyday lives can become very casual. Its very easy to take our lives for granted, because at any moment we could loose it all. That faith that we put in what we cannot see can easily fall apart. Maybe once in a while we need to stop and be grateful for those things that we hold as so common place. Our friends, our jobs, our housing, and everything else.

This morning there is a funeral for a gentleman well known in the local Gay community. He died unexpectedly. I personally did not know him, but many of my friends did. His sudden death has shattered the peace that those around him enjoyed. He know enjoys the peace of heaven, but his famly and friends are left to mourn.

Every morning our feet hit the floor is a gift. We never think of it, but once in a while its good to take stock. To be grateful for another day, and for all of the blessings we have in our lives. We will always have parts of our lives that we arent happy with, and I speak to myself when I say this...we need to look past those parts, and find the peace that does exist. In an instant it can all change, it can all be taken away, it can all be shattered.

Peace be with you.

SEX

2009-04-17T08:58:00.000-07:00

So I was watching Oprah yesterday (that may be the gayest thing I have ever said in these blogs), and her episode was about sex. Dr. Laura Berman was on once again answering questions from parents regarding the topic of their children, and sex. A few weeks ago she was on, and discussed the topic of the importance of women talking about masturbation with their daughters. Evidently, according to surveys and what not, mothers feel uncomfortable talking to their daughters about this topic, and the response to this episode was that it is inappropriate to talk about this topic with daughters.

It made me start thinking. It seems to me, that it only makes sense to educate daughters about masturbation, and to explain to them that "That special part of the body" (to quote Dr. Berman) is in fact special, and that it should be reserved only for special people. By teaching them about this topic, it encourages young girls to take posession of their own body, and refrain from giving it up to the wrong person...and for the very young girls, it instills the importance of telling someone if the wrong person forces themselves on it. Dr. Berman came to the same conclusion.

Naturally the next topic led into sex itself. A couple of 14 years old, Courtney and Pierce, were featured next. They have been dating for 3 months, and have decieded that they are ready to have sex, because they are "in love". When I got to work I was talking about the episode with others who had seen it. One fellow homo said, "Why are we so upset about these two wanting to have sex because they claim they are in love? Are we in love at 2am when we leave Dark Lady and invite that special someone over?"

Naturally, there is a difference between a mature, grown adult to have sex and for two 14 year olds to call it an act of love. But it made me think about sex, and love, and my own life. God knows I have been no angel, but as I have said in past blogs, when we have sex...even if its just a "hook up" we are still giving someone a part of ourselves. We cant deny it. Thats why we get that little tug somewhere inside us when we see someone who we've slept with talking to someone else at a bar. That's why so much drama stirs up among friends when these lines are crossed...because no matter what we may say, its never "just sex". Above all, that's why it is such a mistake for two 14 year olds to enter this kind of relationship and declare it an act of love.

So then what is the ok age for sex? 16 to drive. 18 to smoke. 21 to drink...what, like 17 to bang? How do we put a mark on that? The parents of Courtney and Pierce are aware of their childrens relationship and desire to have sex. The two mothers are in communication and agreement that sex at this point is totally not acceptable. Pierce's mother, thinking she is being a realist, buys a box of condems and puts them in Pierce's underwear drawer.

"Making that purchase was probably the hardest thing I ever did, because I didn't want him to think that I was giving him [approval]. Like, 'Go for it, son.'" Well mom, it certainly isnt the most adament way of discouraging them not to! Yet at the same time it is very realistic. If these kids are going to do it, they are going to do it...plain and simple. Was the condem purchase a mistake? Is it almost like my previous blog about tolerance, where we say, "I dont agree with what you are doing, but I am 'tolerant' of it"?

So when is it ok to have sex? What age is it that we reach where we can say that we are "in love" and it doesnt have to be the topic of an Oprah episode? Im not siding with Courtney and Pierce, nor am I siding with the consensus...Im just saying, its worth thinking about isnt it? Who are we to say they are not in love? What if they were 16, then is it legitament? How old were you the first time you really fell in love?

Maybe in life we spend too much time being critical of other people's relaionships. I know I certainly have expressed my opinion before when it really wasn't my place to do so. We all fall in love with people at different paces, for different reasons, and at different ages. Again, I am not siding with either party, but I do think that this episode demonstrates a huge flaw in our human nature...that being that we all think we are right.

We have this instinct where we all think its ok for us to pontificate our opinion just because we think its right. None of us (myself certainly included) have any right to stand as judge over someone else...that includes Oprah and Dr. Berman. Relationships are something that can only be judged by the two people who are in it. Maybe Courtney and Pierce are really in love. Are they at the "Legal Banging Age"? Thats a question only they can answer, just like every decision regarding sex that any of us ever make. Who knows, maybe Pierce and Courtney having sex would be a more mature and loving expression then some of our sexual experiences in life. At some point in life people have to start making their own choices, and facing the consequences of those choices. The choices we have made in the past, the relationships that we've had, add to what makes up who we are today.

It is our job to educate the youth, to give them the tools they need to make those choices. In the Gay Community its no different, which is why organizations like YPI (Youth Pride) is so important. As we get older, its not our job to judge others, its our job to continue to use those tools to make choices in our own lives, to fall in love at our own pace, and to be happy with that person in the time to come.

Commemoration

2009-04-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

It happens every year. When we are young, their arrival means gifts. When we are in our twenties it means a party. When we are old, we try to avoid them but they come eventually anyways...birthdays! Today is a friend of mine's "big one" and its made me strat to reflect on the topic a bit.

Its funny, when a mother has a child, and she cradles the baby who has just been alive for a week, she will silently acknowledge that its his one week birthday...until its a month, then she will start marking each month until its a year, then she starts counting the years.

Its the same between a pair of lovers. On the one week mark, there is a soft acknowledgement perhaps in bed in the morning. Then the months, then the years. Its these small, often private celebrations that feul the fire of the love that is groing between them. Once they are just just counting the years it reminds them of that love, and strengthens them to last.

Convesrley it is the same for the less happy events in life, like death. As the early day sof loss unwind, we remember the weeks, then the months, and once it gets to remembering the year anniversaries, hopefully the pain of that persons passing has integrated into who we are, and the annual reminder is a celebration of that loved one's life, and the impact it had on ours.

Birthdays and Anniversaries are some of the best blessings we have in life. They cause us to take stock. Birthdays make us take stock of our own lives, and to celebrate our accomplishments. Anniversaries make us look at our relationships, and make us thankful for the love we share with that other person. These are the things that build who we are. They are also an opportunity for us to let others see the impact they have had in our lives, and us in theirs.

On Queer as Folk Debbie is talking to Justin about his attendence at Gay Pride. He doesn't want to go because he thinks the whole thing is pointless. Debbie tells him however, "Sunshine, in life you gotta morn the losses, and there will be many, but you gotta celebrate the victories, because there are so few."

So very true. At a time when everything feels like its falling apart. When everybody who has a job is thanking God, while so many are waiting at the unemployment office. People who had so much are loosing so much. The nightly news is filled with daily reports about how hard the economy is crashing, and the President's seemingly daily attempts to fix it. In the midst of all of this, we still stop, and celebrate these landmarks of our lives.

Hapy Birthday Matt!

The Garden of Gethsemane

2009-04-09T05:45:00.000-07:00

Today is my favorite day of the year. When I was in Seminary Holy Thursday was regarded as ur biggest day. Seminarians studying for the priesthood for our Diocese from all over the world came home, and we gathered at table for a HUGE meal and a beautiful Mass with the Bishop. Holy Thursday marks the day Jesus celebrated the Last Supper with his friends, instituted the Eucharist, and the Ministerial Priesthood.

Quite the night that was for Jesus. He identifies who will betray Him at dinner. Following this, He and his lot head to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray, where He is arrested with Judas' help. As the evenings events unfold, Jesus is abandoned by all His friends, questioned all through the night, and subsequently executed on Friday afternoon.

The Apostles fleeing when Jesus needed them most is perhaps the greatest "Friendship Failure" in human history. We all see and experience these things everyday. In affairs of the heart sometimes its difficult to be a good friend, because that's when the immaturity and caddiness comes out. In the case of the Apostles, it was feuled by a fear of being arrested, and identified as being a part of Jesus' "cohort". In our everyday lives, the driving force behind such things is usually much less significant. Sometimes it is jealousy, sometimes it's just pure frustration, but whatever the reason it always points back to an affair of the heart.

We've all seen it, and done it....The immature or caddy posts on facebook, or some other such public foreum, where we know the other person will see it. The gossip behind their back...or the dirty looks across the bar...we've all been in someone in this situations shoes. Sometimes when we aren't happy with our own lives, we find it so much easier to take it out on someone who is happy. Regardless, to turn on someone so often becomes the result.

The Apostles turning on Jesus that night in the Garden, undoubtedly only added to the pain Jesus already felt with all that was happening. He in His divine wisdom knew that this was only the begining, and His Passion was only begining to unravel, but for His human side this was undoubtedly the most painful.

None the less, He holds His head up high, and faces the events of the following day more or less alone, with the company of only one friend, and His mother. Much like in our own lives, when the backs begin to turn, we see who the real friends are, and who the people are who will stay with us, all the way to our own individual Crosses.

The immaturity of the Apostles that day is clear. But in the days to follow, things subsequently come together again, and after the Ressurection things balance themselves out. Maybe sometimes people need their immature moments. Everyone deals with grief, in all of its forms, in different ways. We have all done it, and we will always have moments when we crumble to that very temptation. That's because affairs of the heart are delicate, and we as humans are naturally ordered to worry about ourselves...but we have to remember to go that extra step, and remember that we are not alone in all this. We have a responsibility to each other, and we have to do our best to not allow the temptation for immaturity to win.

There will be many times in our lives when we find ourselves in the Garden of Gethsemane, when we have the option to be immature and run. There will be times when we have the choice to stand by our friends, or to turn our backs. To be happy for a friend, or to act out. In this economy, its easy for the unemployed to be jelous when someone else lands a job.

Oprah the other night was about this very situation between married couples. One spouse looses a job, and grows to detest the other because they are now the bread-winnder. Sometimes relationships take work, weather it be a friendship, a lover, or a spouse....but we cannot forget our responsibility towards one another. We cant just throw ourselves into facebook wars, or let marriges fail, or let friendships die.

That night in the Garden, the Apostles were scared, and turned their back on their friend. In our lives we get jelous, angry, bitter, or so many emotions, and do the same thing. These "Garden of Gethsemane Moments" have been happening for 2000 years, and don't show any signs of stopping. How will we respond when we have our moment to act?

The Closet of Despair

2009-04-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

Today traditionally is "Spy Wednesday", which commemorates the day that Judas Iscariot plotted with the Chief Priests to betray Jesus. We all know the story of how Judas, bribed by 30 pieces of silver, arranged ahead of time with the chief priests that he would kiss Jesus in the Garden, and thats how the gaurds would know it was Him that they were to arrest. When Judas learned of Jesus' fate, he was so distraught he killed himself. Dante found his sin so horrific that in his great work "The Inferno" he places Judas in the very center of hell, being tortured for eternity by Satan himself....a result of a sin so evil that even God could not forgive it.

When Judas is first introduced in the bible, and the author lists the names of all the Apostles, after Judas' name he includes the tag line, "the one who would betray him." (Just in case "Judas Iscariot" wasn't clear enough.) Every image the Last Supper shows in front of him that bag of silver coins. History did not give Judas a very good wrap.

To play devil's advocate, Judas was so horrified over his actions, he turned in despair to suicide, unable to carry the burden of what he had done. Certainly we can all relate. We have all, somewhere along the line, carried a burden of some kind. Something we did wrong, something we knew, something that we needed to get off our chest.

Sometimes its not even anything "bad". Any of my readers who are members of the Gay community can certainly relate, there is always that one person that you dread telling. Yesterday someone very important to me "came out" to his mother, and I am so proud of him, words cannot express. For him it was burden, to have this aspect of his life shielded from her, so he reached deep down inside and sat her down and told her the truth.

I remember when I was in College and I sat my best friend down and told him that I was gay...I was petrified at what the outcome would be. He said to me, "David, you've always been gay, the only difference is now I know. Why should that change anything, you're the same person.." I remember when I was in Seminary, it felt at times like everyone was bearing somebody else's secret. I remember along the way thinking, or even flat out telling people - "I would never do it myself, but I can understand why people commit suicide."

Not everyone is lucky enough to have the loving mother, who loves her son just the same when she finds out he's gay. Not everyone has someone to turn to when they are unemployed, and the bills are due, and the economy is a disaster with no hopes of getting any better. We all have had moments of despair, but we've all been lucky enough to have people there to lean on...and there have been those moments when we were the ones who they leaned on.

Being trapped in this closet of despair doesn't always result in suicide. Sometimes it results in forms of mild depression, and depending on your personality, it can be tough to kick. As a bartender, its my job to always be in a good mood. It's definately a challange to slap on that happy face when I'm not feeling it on the inside. I've had those slumps through the years where my personal life was falling apart, the bills were mounting, the bar was slow, and everything was seemingly conspiring against me, and then the car died...the icing on the cake...Thank God I have always had people I could turn to.

If Judas had turned to the other Apostles for a shoulder to cry on would they have been there for him? Would they have forgiven him? Peter later denies even knowing Jesus so as to not get drawn into any sort of legal trouble, and later laments, and Jesus forgives him. Peter and Judas are two sides of the same coin, the coin of betrayal. The difference is Judas thinks he has no where to turn, and he kills himself, while Peter emerges from the story a hero. In fact, when Jesus rises from the dead He finds the Apostles gathered in hiding - together - all feeling guilty for abandoning Jesus, and mourning His death. They had turned to eachother.

Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. In those moments when we find ourselves in the closet of despair we have to be more willing to share that burden with others, partners, lover, friends, whoever it may be in each of our lives. And when we recieve the honor of being that person for someone else, we should listen with compassion. When someone seeks our forgiveness, maybe no matter how difficult it is to do, we should offer it....because someday it may be us who needs the forgiveness.

Tolerance

2009-04-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

Tolerance. How would you define this word? In everyday usage, for example, lets say I am on a plane, and I have the eternal joy of having a toddler seated behind me, who has found entertainment value in kicking the back of my seat. I am tolerant of this behaviour.

The dictionary provides the following four definitions:
1: capacity to endure pain or hardship : endurance , fortitude , stamina
2 a: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own b: the act of allowing something : toleration
3: the allowable deviation from a standard ; especially : the range of variation permitted in maintaining a specified dimension in machining a piece
4 a (1): the capacity of the body to endure or become less responsive to a substance (as a drug) or a physiological insult especially with repeated use or exposure ; also : the immunological state marked by unresponsiveness to a specific antigen (2): relative capacity of an organism to grow or thrive when subjected to an unfavorable environmental factor b: the maximum amount of a pesticide residue that may lawfully remain on or in food

Indeed we often heard the word "tolerance" as a goal in the fight for rights in the women's movement, the african american movement, and the GBLT movement. Is "tolerant" however, the attitude that we really want? Is that really the goal? I'd say that's where we are now. My sexual preference, is an "allowed deviation" from the norm. What the Gay Community wants is equality. Just like how a woman or an african american walks down the street and we do not give it a second thought, we want the same for the Gay Community.

In a recent article, Bishop Tobin composed a ficticious interview with President Obama, which in my opinion was rude, and insulting to the President. Certainly a less sarcastic way could have been found for the Bishop to excercise his Ministry as chief shepherd. The following is the link to said article:

http://thericatholic.com/stories/1894.html

This week, the Bishop wrote his weekly column in response to the many Catholics in Rhode Island who agreed that the tone of this article was inappropriate. Not backing down from his defense, the Bishop argued that his "interview" was not at all "un-christlike", as he was defending the moral order and Christ Himself would have acted no different. He goes on to say;

"And that should be the mission of the Church today. Sometimes as Catholics we’re hesitant to challenge the immoral behavior of others, including public officials, because we don’t want to appear judgmental or uncharitable. Our society urges us to be “tolerant” of other people and their behavior, even if it’s objectively wrong. But it’s precisely because we love others that we should never tolerate immoral behavior. As Archbishop Charles J. Chaput of Denver has written so well, “Tolerance is not an end in itself, and tolerating or excusing grave evil in a society is itself a grave evil . . . And it is not a Christian virtue.” (Render Unto Caesar, p. 145-146) "

There's that magic word again. Is "tolerance" the cowards way out from not having to become unpopular by calling someone out for public immorality? If my neighbor were to kill someone I would not simply be "tolerant" of his situation and look the other way.

Certainly the topic of Abortion is clear cut in Catholic teaching, and certainly the Bshop has a responsibility to be clear about church teaching, however the fact of the matter is there are other issues in our nation which deserve more attention. The average American sitting in a pew is not worried about funding Planned Parenthood in Mexico (an organization that is geared towards helping people responsibly raise families and assisnt in STD control, Abortion is only a portion of the work they do). They are worried about much more immediate concerns.

Despite the President's "not so Catholic" view on Abortion, upon his election the Holy Father himself called it, "a choice that unites." That was the first and most important step in fixing our nation...unity, and the Pope recognizes that. From there we can move onee issue at a time. Weather legal or not, abortions will continue to happen. Organizations like planned parenthood will make sure that they are happening in a way that is not going to harm the mother.

I am not condoning it, I myself share in the belief that Abortion is wrong. as an issue that will never effect me in my life, I tend to not rally about it. Is that me being "tolerant" according to any of the definitions shared above? I think it's me being realistic. At this moment in time the President is dealing with much more immediate, realistic, and serious issues that are effecting you and me. Issues that will put roofs over peoples heads, and putting people back to work. Issues that will gain health care for those of us who do not currently have access to it.

Big issues that effect the everyday person, yet that are governed by world-wide moral, objective laws are complex. Perhaps there is no ultimate answer, but no matter how we feel, or what our stance is, or what our belief is, it does not give any of us the right, on either side, to be rude and uncharitable. If we feel the need to criticize a stance, then I believe we have a moral duty to do so.

"Tolerance" is NOT turning our heads to immoral behavior. Those dictionary definitions above apply very much to the meaning of the word "tolerant" The criticism is that to insult the President publicly is not the appropriate form of expressing a dissenting belief or opinion. Just like to attack an abortion clinic is not the way to express a "Pro Life" belief. Just like calling a gay man a "faggot" is not the way to express your feelings about homosexuality. These are all innappropriate ways to express our beliefs.

The Church has a stance that Homosexuality is an "intrinsic disorder", and the Church has published an entire, almost condescending, letter regarding "Pastoral Care to the Homosexual Person." At least the Church encourages Pastoral Care, and isn't out right rude. To attack the President openly in such a forum is not going to accomplish anything, except get people worked up, weather it be in a blog, or the countless letters that flowed into the Chancery.

To mistakenly use words like tolerance, and to be uncharitable do not do anything to help anyone's position. Pope Benedict felt that his election was a choice of unity...perhaps we as a Church, a State, and a Nation should look mre towards unity and less towards division. Does that involve ignoring morral injustice? No. Does it perhaps involve tolerance and maturity? Most Definately.

Spring

2009-04-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that there is no more common and universal symbol of hope then a sunny day? On television sitcomes the cheerful music plays and the camera will span a sun drapped neighborhood. A feel good movie will end with that same music, and the same bright sunny sky. Even when the weather is nice we find ourselves smiling more, laughing more, and just more cheerful.

When I was in Seminary on just such days we would sit outside and smoke cigarettes and discuss the problems of the world, and debate our ingenious solutions. In college such discussions were had over a pack of Marlboros and Cans of Diet Coke. In late college they were discussed off campus over a scotch and a pack of Marlboro Lights. In grad school they were discussed over Vodka and Tonics and a pack of Marlboro Ultra Lights. (You'll note my smoking got healthier over time.) Regardless, we always thought we had all theh answers, and we talk about how our life of Ministry would be spent implimenting these ideas and making a difference in people's lives.

As a bartender I stand behind the bar and realize that I am no different then anybody else, as now I go to work and listen to everyone else sit at the bar covered in sunlight discuss the same issues. As the evening goes on and the lighting changes, the alcohol flows and the answers continue to come.

We talk alot. Weather it be all the social plans we make but never keep, or the brilliant ideas to change the world we will never follow through. Sometimes its the plans for the future that never happen quite as we expect.

I am so excited for the coming weekend, for many reasons, but particularly because it is the kick off of Holy Week, which in the Church tells the story of all our lives. It begins with great joy, moves through tragedy, betratal, and devestation...and ends with great joy and hope for tomorrow. On Palm Sunday Jesus enters Jerusalem and is greeted like a celebrity, celebrates a wonderful meal with his friends, and is then betrayed by one of them. He is tortured, and slaughtered on the cross. Of course, Easter morning, He is raised from the dead.

For centuries the ancient Jews preached to their families about the coming of a Messiah. This figure was almost to the Jews like one of those spoken but never fulfilled bar conversations. He was coming, he was coming, but never seemed to come. In Jesus, these seemingly empty words turn into action. The Messiah does come, and the bright shining sun of Easter morning over the empty grave reminds us of that hope that we feel at the end of those movies and sitcoms.

The words from the Preface of the Mass of Easter is appropriate; "The Joy of the Ressurection renews the whole world." Today is the first day of April, Easter is around the corner, Spring is finally begining to 'spring', restraunts are starting to put their tables outside, the days are getting longer and the nights shorter...This change of season is exactly the renewal that I needed. At times we could all use a boost. A reminder that all those un-fulfilled words can indeed one day come through, we just have to renew our drive to accomplish them, so we too can bask in the joy of our own "sunny days".

April Fools

2009-03-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is April 1st...April Fools Day. The origin of this joksters holiday is fairly unknown. There are various theories as to how the day became such a tradition. Some say it was coined when certain people decieded against acknowledging the change to January 1st as the start of the new year. Others claim that an April fool was one who celebrated the start of summer before May Day. There is even speculation that it commemmorates Noah sending out the first raven too early, before the flood waters had receeded. Whatever the origin of this day, in any case it calls to mind someone jumping the gun, or the opposite, falling short.

Nobody likes to be made a fool. It hurts our human pride, our image. It's embarassing. Its one of the many aspects of the human condition that we cannot do anything to repair. Theres nothing that can undo being made a fool of.

This is the final week of the season of Lent, and on Sunday we begin Holy Week, as the Church commemorates Jesus last few days on his road to the Cross. In all of human history there is perhaps no greater fool then Christ Himself. His form of execution was the most humiliating in history. He was beaten in public. His role as "King" was mocked with a crown made from thorns that was smashed into His head. He was cricified like a common criminal, hung from the cross in open public, with a sign nailed above his head to insult him further.

There is a legend that a Roman guard spit in His face as He left the pretorium carrying His cross. Legend claims that Jesus looked the man in the eye, and his punlishment for his insult is that he was deemed to live forever. Jesus of course ends up getting the victory and made fools of those who tortured Him by raising from the dead on Easter morning.

One of the Readings at Mass this weekend included the letter of saint Paul to the Hebrews; "Son though he was, he (Jesus) learned obedience from what he suffered;and when he was made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him." Jesus' obedience to the Father, and His suffering this human humiliation, led to his glorification on Easter morning.

The humiliation faced by Jesus is no stranger to us. How many different ways we are at times made to look or feel like fools. These are moments that make us stronger. These little pitfalls are just speed bumps which will eventually build us to our finest moments. There are so many different areas in our lives where we face these feelings. When we think that our feelings for someone are mutual, and then we discover they are one way. When we mis-place our trust in a friend. When we confide in the wrong person. These are the moments and mistakes that make us stronger, and wiser. I think that in my life I have learned that if we do not learn from our mistakes, that is when we are made the real fool.

The times in Seminary when I bragged about having nailed an exam, and then I found out that I had blown it taught me to not count my chickens before they are hatched. When I confided in a priest regarding things that were going on in the Seminary taught me to be careful who I trust. When the guy I was seeing broke up with me un-expectedly, I learned that maybe love isnt always as mutual as I may think. In all these moments I felt like a fool...but the lessons were learned.

In many ways the lessons we learn may make us close up a bit. We stop trusting people, we close ourselves off from love to avoid getting hurt, or we stop taking risks. It is important that we keep a healthy balance.

So weather April Fools Day began in the days of Noah, or not until the 1700's in the regin of King Charles, either way for centuries we as humans have been making fools of ourselves, and bouncing back. Weather it be a blow to the ego, or a blow to our hearts, maybe we need to be made fools of once in a while. The humility of the moment helps keep us in check, and the lessons we learn from them are invaluble.

Fiat

2009-03-25T07:32:00.000-07:00

Today is March 25, the feast of the Annunciation in the Church. While not a Holy Day of obligation, the significance of this feast is immeasurable. Intentionally celebrated 9 months before Christmas, this feast commemorates the day when the angel Gabriel was sent from God to Mary to invite her to be the mother of Jesus. Church tradition teaches that from the begining of time He had intended on asking her this huge favor. He spared her from the stain of original sin, hence when the angel spoke the words of God to her she listened with a pure heart. Although she did not understand all the details, or the "hows" and the "whats" of this Virginial Pregnancy, she spoke the famous words, "Let it be done to me according to your word." The Church coins this phrase, the "Fiat", as the Latin is worded, "Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum."

Mary's "Fiat" changed the course of human history. In her total and complete freedom of choice she says "yes" to almighty God, and in that moment concieves the Christ child in her womb. In Seminary we used to joke, that if Mary had said "no" God would have asked someone else, and we'd all be praying the 'Hail Gertrude" today.

But we do not, we pray the Hail Mary because Mary said yes, she said yes to a plan that she did not understand. She looked into the depths of her soul and blindly put her faith in the Lord and said "yes". How many times are we faced with such a choice? Certainly never a choice with as heavy a consequence as this one, but certainly there are times in life when we act on blind faith. We have faith that our spouse won't cheat on us, that our friends won't betray us. In these tough times we have faith that we will not loose our jobs, when so many have. We have faith in the man we elected to the office of President, that he will as he said last night, "move this economy from recession to recovery, and ultimately to prosperity."

Alot of life is built on faith, and trust. That's why some of us put up so many walls. That's why so much of life is a risk. When we change jobs, we are taking a huge risk that the new one will work out and we arent shooting ourselves in the foot...and we have faith that it will work out. When we start to open up our heart little by little for someone who touches us deep down inside we run the risk of getting that heart broken....and we have faith that that other person feels the same way we do.

Unfortunately in life there is no forward motion without faith and trust. As the President said last night; "We'll recover from this recession, but it will take time, it will take patience, and it will take an understanding that, when we all work together, when each of us looks beyond our own short-term interest to the wider set of obligations we have towards each other, that's when we succeed, that's when we prosper, and that's what is needed right now. So let's look towards the future with a renewed sense of common purpose, a renewed determination, and, most importantly, renewed confidence that a better day will come. "

You will never learn to swim, if you are too scared to jump in the water. We will never advance without taking some risks, rooted in a faith in whatever the circumstance may be...love, work, life, friends, relationships, whatever it may be. No experience in my life was more demonstrative of this then my experiences in Seminary. When times got tough my priest friends would always advise me that it was all, "In God's plan." Sometimes it felt like those words were a cop out. Ultimately however I must admit that these words were true.

So wherever we are in life, that position will not change without taking chances, and without having faith. Mary's "Fiat" changed the course of Salvation History, and put Mary in a pivotal position in the establishment of the Christian Faith, and the growth of the Church, which now stands two thousand years later. May all our "Fiats" in life be as successful, and may every one of our leaps of faith lead to nothing but lasting imprints. Most of all, let's hope that our faith in one another is not misplaced, and remember....we never know who may be putting their faith in us!

The Happy Ending

2009-03-23T13:26:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to see "He's Just Not That Into You." The movie ended with the main Character sharing the following thoughts:

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. "

I have certainly never been one to go through life looking for "the one". I had a period where I thought I had found him. Then I went through a period where I just plain didn't want to deal with the emotional risks that come with dating. Then I finally hit a place where I am open to it. If the right guy comes along Im not going to turn it away but at the same time Im not going to try to seek him out.

Shes right though, the general image we are all given about life is that you go to College, you graduate, you start a career, you fall in love, start a family, and pass on these values to your kids. But life is not like that lovely hallmark card. Maybe you dont find the right career, maybe your single your whole life, or maybe you mess it up with your kids and they don't recieve the values you wanted them to.

I know my life to date is a strong oppossition to this basic cookie cutter picture. My family and I dont speak, I went to school to be a priest and Im a bartender instead, and Im almost 30 and no where near starting a family, or owning a home.

How do we end up under all this pressure? We look at our lives and judge them by some standard that the rest of the world set up for us. I think the key is in that last line.."Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

That doesnt mean just relationships either. It means your job, your goals, your dreams, anything really. Everything we try for in life takes time, and it takes multiple attempts. Sometimes when the bills are mounting and the money is dwindling we feel that crunch. Like we arent where we want to be in life. We are trying as hard as we can but we just arent there yet. We may never be...in fact if you think about it, maybe nobody ever is. I think maybe this woman is right. Theres something to be said for never giving up hope.

March 19th

2009-03-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is March 19th, the Solemnity of Saint Joseph. I have always held a special love for this feast and this day. When I was in High School, March 19th was the day I started dating my High School Sweetheart. She was absolutely beautiful, and well out of my leauge. Today she is happily married, and Im happily gay so I can openly share that I think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She was the first person to make me feel like more then an outcast and a geek. She touched my heart in a way I will never forget and she taught me how to love. She always had faith in me when no one else did. To this day the stuffed Tigger she gave me for my 16th Birthday still sits on the pillow on my bed.

When Seminary came we celebrated Saint Joseph's day every year. We all wore red, did the Zapoloa (spelling?) thing etc etc. Little is known about Saint Joseph. All the bible teaches is that he was the husband of Mary. Delighted to be engaged to such a highly sought young woman, Josephs bliss was quickly shattered when he learned that Mary was with child. Because they were not yet wed it was a horror to the community, and he considered leaving her to avoid embarassment. It wasnt until the visit from the angel that Joseph realized what a special role he had to play in salvation history.

The faith of this man is remarkable. His silent witness to faith is time less. In all the scriptures he never speaks, and is only included in a handfull of stories. Pope Pius IX in 1870 declared him Patron Saint of the Universal church. His role in the early days of Christ's life is pivitol. It is to him that the angel speaks and warns him to flee from Bethlehem with the Christ child, as Herod was out to kill him. It was to him that the angel again spoke when it was safe to return. It was his living as a carpenter that kept a roof over Mary and Jesus' head. Yet scripture stops recording anything about him. We do not know when he died or how. We dont know anything about his upbringing. All we know is the few stories that sacred scripture shares.

Maybe part of the point of this is that certain people occupy certain roles for certain times and reasons. The girl I spoke of earlier is no longer a part of my life, aside from Facebook. We remained friends for years after high school but eventually life took us in different directions. We can all Im sure think of those people along the way who were so very important to us, and are no longer there. Sometimes their presence in our lives is terminated by death. Sometimes by circumstance. Sometimes by a stupid fight, that we regret years later.

Whatever it may be the people in our lives along the way, and those in our lives right now are there for a reason. Some part of our experience with them contributes to who we are today, and that should never be forgotten. Even the people who are gone from our lives due to something negative still in some way made us who we are today.

Saint Joseph has a day every year to remind the Church of his important, yet under recorded role in salvation history. The people in our lives who have held similar roles do not have such a day so its up to us to remember those people. Its up to us to keep that picture on display, or to keep that trinket or memorabilia that stands in silent witness to the many "Saint Joseph's" in our lives.

The people in our lives now we have no idea how long they will be there. Pray God we have those few friends that will be there for life. Maybe saint Josephs Day is a good time to acknowledge the role people play, or have played, in our lives. Good or bad, its them who make us who we are today. For whatever reason be it fate, or the will of God, they were there, or are there, for a reason...and I thank God for them!

Today

2009-03-10T12:13:00.000-07:00

Bishop Tobin of the Diocese of Providence has a regular article that runs in the Rhode Island Catholic Newspaper. While I typically find his thoughts to be two dimentional, and self serving, I found one in the archives from the day that plane landed in the Hudson River in New York.

"But I’ve been thinking about the passengers on the plane. When they woke up that day they had no hint of the events that awaited them. They packed their suitcases, bade farewell to family and friends, drove to the airport, checked-in, passed through security, arrived at their gate and settled down to await boarding – all rather routine. And even as they boarded the plane, stashed their carry-ons and settled into their crowded seats, they couldn’t imagine that they’d soon find themselves standing on the wing of the plane, in the middle of a frigid river, the unwitting actors in a nationally televised drama. "

The Bishop makes a fine point. Our entire lives can change in an instant. One phone call, one conversation. Weather it be the unfortunate news that a loved one has died, or taken ill. We have all had those relationships that ended unexpectedly, and the weeks that followed were full of lonliness and despair. Sometimes it's a good change, a job promotion, or these days an offer for a job at all!! Likewise, it can all end in an instant. There's no warning when that last day will be.

I've watched this concept hit home this week as a very dear friend of mine recieved the suprise news that his mother was in the hospital. In one phone call, his entire day was turned upside down, and with her health now in a precarious situation, he lives each day with this added burden.

It made me stop and think...think about life. I thought back to a quote Mary Alice once said on Desperate Housewives...

"Yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves right before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy, or that he's happy. That we can change, or that he will change his mind. We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins, or that we can live without him. Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that come morning -- it will all be true."

Is this what life really becomes? We lie to ourselves deep down inside everyday and tell ourselves we are good people, tell ourselves that we are happy, etc etc, and then one day when we do not wake up, we return to our maker an unfinished work? A Failure?

I don't think Mary Alice quite has it right. Indeed we do in many ways Lie to ourselves. That however is our basic inability as humans to view our own lives from an objective standpoint. We must however be very careful about that, because as the Bishop points out - we never know what may happen next. We never know when illness will strike, or some change in our lives will force us to turn our attention elsewhere, or even our own death.

I once heard the saying, "You cant live your life with one foot in the past and one foot in the future because then you shit on the present." Naturally we have to have some direction in our lives, goals, dreams, aspirations. Naturally also we must learn from our past, the good and the bad equally. However we must live in the present because that's all we know we really have. Did you ever think about what if that ended? What if you died today? How would you fall in the record of history? What would your obituary say? Some would call this depressing, but I call it realistic. Any one of us could go at any time...so are you where you want to be? Would your O-bid say what you would want it to? I thought about it today, and given my mildly gloomy mood today my response to myself was a bit depressing.

"David Martins died today from an unknown cause. He is survived by a family of two brothers and one sister to whom he was estranged, and parents to whom he didn't speak. He was a bartender. There will be no funeral, as he was a homosexual. Burial will be determined at a later date once funds are allocated for it."

Certainly overdramatic, but in a way it makes me think. It makes me think about where my life is. About what impact my life has had on others. The basic drive of humanity is to reproduce, to find a spouse, to buy a home, and raise a family. At this point in my life these things are very far from happening.

What DO I want my obituary to read? I don't really know. Essentially I don't care what goes down in black and white, but I do care very much about what people will think of me. Will I be remembered as a good person? As a giving person? As a loving person? Would I be missed by those who I love? Do the people that I love know that I love them?

Life is full of unexpected changes each and everyday. We never know when something will come along and our situation will change...or even end. Therefore I think it would be prudent to do our best not to lie to ourselves about where we are in life. Each night when we lie down our heads to sleep we should do so knowing that in full and total truth, our loved ones know they are loved, our conflicts are resolved, and that day we did our best to make a difference and to move forward to our hopes and dreams. The truth of the matter is we only get one shot at this, and we have to do our best to get it right.

Aids Care Ocean State

2009-03-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the official kick off party of Project Downcity, my annual fundraiser for Aids Care Ocean State, and my thoughts and prayers today turned to this heavy topic of HIV.

We all know about it. As gay people we especially know about it. It's not a "gay disease" by any stretch of the imagination, but its on the forefront of our minds. Your HIV status is an option to be answered on internet dating profiles. It's an issue however that we rarely think about, yet holds such a heavy cloud.

Everyone who this disease effects deals with it differently. Sadly, there are those who's positive status in no way changes the way they behave sexually, at times not even being smarter or safer. Some carry it inside as a dark burden. Some others still turn it into action, and become involved in awareness programs.

Imagine what life must be like for the person who carries this burden. If you are single when you find out, how do you deal with dating? You start to get invoved with someone, at what point should you share it with the other person? After all it's no one's buisness, except of course for sexual partners. Getting that call from the doctor changes your entire life. "I feel like Im dying inside", someone once told me after finding out that they were positive. It's not a laughing matter, its no joke, its something that is very real, and for some poeple something they have to deal with everyday of their lives.

I can only imagine how I would deal with it. Working in the public eye I think I would just make it public. Ive read articles about people who have had their positive status tattooed on their arm. I think that's how I would try to face it. I admire those who deal with this virus everyday. Those who deal with it in public, and those who harbor it and choose to deal with it in silence. I admire their strength. I feel for the diffcult decisions that come with it. I admire friends who deal with it, and their unspoken strength.

"You don't know what it's like every time you have a cough or a sneeze to think 'oh God I could be getting sick' because for you Michael, it is just a f*cking cough or sneeze." These words spoken by Ben to Michael on Queer As Folk must be so true, and so difficult to live.

To quote the Aids Care website, "AIDS Care Ocean State is dedicated to providing quality housing, case management, medical and nursing care, and prevention to adults, families, adolescents and children who are affected by or at risk for HIV infection. AIDS Care Ocean State will act as an advocate for individuals and families at risk, while providing those support services needed to ensure and maintain a high quality of life for the people we serve."

The issue of HIV is so much more then that test that we take every so many months. ACOS is an important part of our community. The work they do for prevention, education, and care for those who need it is irriplaceable. Everyday they make testing positive NOT be a death sentence. They cannot function however without our help. So stop by and join the party, as tonight at 5, we at Downcity kick off "Project Downcity."